


Personal Spaces

by ZRobnett



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Happy Ending, Homosexuality, Kink, Light Bondage, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Rough Sex, Spanking, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:33:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 86,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZRobnett/pseuds/ZRobnett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester Is a high-powered businessman with virtually no life. When his little brother tells him he is moving in with his fiancee', Dean gets introduced to free-spirited musician Castiel "Cas" Novak,  who is looking for a place to stay. Tension runs high and things heat up in this hilarious, touching and sometimes heart-breaking romantic comedy on what happens when two very different men get thrown into each others' personal spaces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Stuck-Up Jerk" meets "Slow-Mo Hippy Guy"

**Author's Note:**

> MoniJune is down as my co-author temporarily so she can help correct my appalling grammar and punctuation :)

 

  Closing his laptop, Dean Winchester leaned back in his leather chair and looked out the window of his high-rise office. Finally, he closed that deal with Crowley Inc. He could show his father, the head of the company, that they had once again slain the competition. This was good because John Winchester was not the kind of man you wanted to disappoint. Dean didn't disappoint his father, not ever. He went to the same alma mater as his pops; he followed in his footsteps, and he was working for and well on his way to one day taking over the family business. The only area in his life that he wasn't right on track with his father's "life plan" for him was marriage. By Dean's age of 35, his father expected him to have found a "nice girl" and settled down to start raising the next line of Winchesters. The only problem was Dean just hadn't met anyone who seemed to actually ignite a spark in him, much less the flame that his mother always talked about when she spoke of meeting his dad. Dean wished he could talk to his mom about things like this now, but she had been gone for years. Once Mary Winchester died (when Dean and his little brother, Sam, were just kids) their dad threw himself head-first into work. It consumed him, it was like all that mattered anymore was the job. So Dean worked his ass off and tried to do right by his family and make his dad proud. Shaking himself out of his reverie he stood up, stretched out the kinks in his back, straightened his black tie on his light blue shirt, smoothed out his black slacks and got ready for a much-needed weekend at home.  

  
Dean left the office, saying goodbye to his secretary Charlie. "Catch ya’ later, boss," she said and gave a little salute. Charlie wasn't the most professional, but she was a whiz on the computer so he put up with her eccentricities. He took the elevator to the street and hailed a cab to the parking garage at the far end of the city. Dean took the two flights up anxiously, hurried out of the elevator and smiled wistfully. "Hey Baby...did you miss me?" He reverently approached a 1967 black Chevy Impala. He ran his hand lovingly from her fender to her handle, took out his keys and unlocked the door. As he got in and closed the door the tension from the week seemed to ease from his body. He started up the car, turned the radio on and as the speakers pumped out AC/DC's "Back In Black," he didn't immediately drive. Instead, he just sat there for a minute with his hands on the wheel and his head back against the seat just enjoying the peace. This was the only relaxation he allowed himself, the only respite. The only time he gave himself when he wasn't crunching numbers and climbing the ladder of success were these few moments. This was the part of Dean Winchester no one got to see, just him and his car, which he affectionately called "Baby."

  
The trip over the bridge to home was a fairly long commute, about an hour, but Dean didn't mind. In the city, it just didn't make sense to take your own wheels so it was company cars and taxis. The only time he could drive Baby was his trip to and from work. As he approached his house it struck him again how odd it was that he and his brother had chosen such a place. By all rights getting a place in the city would have made more sense, but something about that white house with the blue door and the clapboard windows and the manicured lawn just appealed to them. Sammy's girlfriend, Jess, would probably say it was something Freudian about wanting a "real home" since they moved around from condo to condo after their mom died. Jess was a psychology major in college, though, so Dean figured that messed with her head. Whatever the reason for getting the house, it suited them fine. Speaking of Sammy, he was sitting on the porch drinking a beer and smiling as Dean pulled up. He was wearing his typical attire of faded jeans and a black V-neck. The only deviation to this uniform was a flannel shirt over the top of that if the weather was cooler. Loverboy's _"Working for the Weekend_ " was blasting from inside, and Dean could see Jess dancing around in the kitchen through the window. The thing was, if Dean was a workaholic tight-ass with a questionable social life, Sam was the exact opposite. Sam intended to make the most out of every day. He lived and laughed and loved as if every day were his last. Sam had gone to college but preferred to work in a bohemian coffee shop where he could talk with other educated people about educated things. Sometimes Dean envied Sam's free-spirited nature; most days it just sort of pissed him off.

  
Dean sighed. He was determined to not be a total dick on his weekend off. He approached Sam and took the beer he was offered. Dean sat down next to Sam on the porch.

"Hey, Sammy looks like Jess is in a seriously good mood." Dean gestured toward the house and the music.

  
"Yeah...” Sam laughed nervously, "about that..."

  
Dean was now worried and didn't even know why, "Oh dear God, Sam… What did you do... She's not...” Dean made the gesture of a baby in his belly.

  
"No! ... Dean!" Sam laughed incredulously. "Actually, I uh... I did want to talk to you, though."

  
Okay, Dean was still nervous. "What’s up, Sam?"

  
"You know Jess and I have been engaged for a while now. And that’s pretty serious. So... well... I’m going to be moving out."

  
Dean stopped with the beer halfway to his mouth. Had he heard Sam correctly? Moving out? Dean could afford the place on his own. But it had always been him and Sam, ever since he could remember. There was also the fact that Sam wasn't always practical about matters.

  
"Okay... Well, I do rely on you to cover a certain amount of the bills. How are you and Jess going to afford a place on your own anyway?"

  
Apparently Sam had that all figured out. Sam beamed his boyish smile. “We already found a place we can afford together. And don’t worry about the bills, Jess has a friend who can rent my room, and he is really nice. Everything will work out great."

  
Dean didn't even have time to reply before the door to the house was opened and Jess bounded out, full of energy and happiness. "Isn’t it great, Dean? We’re so happy!" She hugged him.

  
Let it never be said that Dean was a total dick because as he hugged that girl and looked at his brother's hopeful face, there was only one thing he could say "Yeah. It’s great Jess. I’m happy for you guys. So, when do I meet this new roommate?" 

* * *

No sooner had those words left Dean’s mouth than he heard some chick singing loudly, _**"Just call me angel of the morning, baby… touch my cheek before you leave me, darling**_." He saw a white VW van. It had black angel wings framing a guitar airbrushed on the side. To Dean's utter horror, the van parked in front of his house. Dean’s eyes widened. He looked over at Sam, who was trying very hard to look anywhere BUT at Dean. They heard Jess squeal and run toward the van as the driver got out. He was wearing a white hippie peasant shirt and seriously faded jeans. Jess hugged him and as he picked her up and spun her around, it was as if it was going in slow motion.

 

Dean mouthed just above a whisper because he didn't trust himself not to yell. "Oh. Dear. God. No."

  
Sam tried to interject, "Dean, come on...”

  
"Hell no, Sammy."

  
"Dean… he's really nice...”

  
"No, no way… not happening."

  
"Come on, Dean."

  
Dean just stared at the slow-mo spin. Oh shit. They were walking over, and the guy seemed to have acquired a guitar at some point that he now had slung over his shoulder. Dean wanted to run; he truly wanted to run and possibly hide. He wondered if he could still fit under the bed or maybe in the closet. Dean's eyes locked with the other man's. He thought _"Shit that guy’s blue eyes are like a train wreck. I can't look away."_ He was being trapped in the blue ocean of sincerity and he was going to be swallowed up, and he was NOT having hippy/musician/slow-motion guy living here. He realized Jess was talking to him.

  
"Dean! This is my friend Castiel, but everyone just calls him Cas."

  
As if in a haze Dean extended his hand. He expected to get some weak frou-frou handshake and was surprised when the handshake was firm. "Hi. Yeah. Good ta’ meet you,” Dean said.

  
The Cas guy continued to smile. Then he spoke and his voice was all wrong. It was gravely and deep and... _"Oooh, probably been recently hitting the bong,_ " Dean thought. "Nice to meet you, Dean. Jess has told me all about you. It's cool of you to let me stay here." He said it as he was already surveying the premises.

  
Dean forced a smile and through his clenched teeth said, "Sam. Can I talk to you for a second? Inside. Now."

  
Sam smiled uncomfortably, shrugged and followed Dean into the house, up the stairs, into Dean’s room and shut the door behind him.

  
Dean slowly counted down from ten, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He tried to sound as reasonable as possible. Massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, he decided to start with what he thought was the most obvious point.

  
" Okay,  _That guy_ cannot possibly have anything resembling a steady income."

  
Sam sighed loudly and sat on the bed. "I knew you would react like this Dean."

"React like what? Like a rational, sane person? Sammy... Come on!"

  
Sam Just shook his head as if he was disappointed in his brother. “Dean, he DOES actually have a job. Besides his music, he is a bartender. Come on, he really needs the place. His roommate, Hannah, freaked out on him for, like, no reason and he had to bail."

  
Dean cocked his eyebrow at Sam, the unspoken gesture saying everything from, " _How is that my problem?_ " To just plain " _Seriously??_ "

  
Sam responded as if Dean had actually said something. "Okay, fine. We don’t actually KNOW whether it was for 'no reason,' but Dean, you need a roommate. Jess and I need our own place. The main thing is it’s not just about us. I don’t like the idea of you being here all alone."

  
Dean cut him off. "I can take care of myself, Sammy. I’m a grown man. I think I can handle being on my own."

  
Sam countered, "Dean. I didn't want to say it but... You have no life. Okay? You. Have. No. Life. I am honestly worried about how much of a recluse you will become if you have no one here to at least hold a conversation with."

  
"Yeah… and THAT guy seems like a stimulating conversationalist."

  
Sam was getting mad, “That guy,” he put in air quotes, "has a genius IQ and a bachelor's in psychology."

  
"Oh yeah?! Then why is he a bartender?"

"Because his music is what he loves, Dean! Because some people care about more than just the bottom dollar. Damn it, Dean, I’m not gonna fight with you. Just give him a chance okay?"

  
Dean didn't want to fight, and he didn't want to ruin Sam and Jess's good mood. So he figured he would agree to a trial run for one month. When those thirty days were up, Castiel could pack up his guitar, take his van and hit the open road again. "Okay Sam, We will give it one month to see how it goes."

  
Sam smiled, he gave Dean a quick hug and ran downstairs to tell Jess.

  
As Dean looked out the window at Cas Kumbaying  on his lawn with his guitar, he did NOT know how he was going to make it thirty whole days.


	2. "What The Hell Cas"

~ Two Weeks Earlier ~  
*Smash* Castiel ducked as a lamp broke behind his head.

  
"Hannah!"

  
*Crash* He dove behind the couch and narrowly missed being hit with an entire bowl of fruit off the counter.

  
"Hannah! Stop it! Don't you throw that! Dammit."

  
*Zing* His hand snaked out and just barely caught his record that she had sent flying.

"Hannah! This is a Jimi Hendrix, vinyl record! Have you lost your mind?"

  
Cas's roommate, Hannah, was pacing their studio apartment. She was breaking, throwing and smashing anything she could get her hands on in righteous fury. "No, Castiel clearly it is you that has lost your mind. How did you think it was okay to do what you did?"

  
She lifted a jar of olives over her head intent on breaking them Cas rushed over to her. "Alright! That. Is… enough!" He struggled with her in a tug of war with the olives. Finally wrestling them away from her he set them on the counter. He led her stomping like a 5-year-old to the couch and made her sit down. "Hannah, clearly there has been a misunderstanding here," Cas spoke slowly like you would to someone who is not quite in their right mind.

  
"There is no misunderstanding Castiel. _You_ cheated on _me_. You are a lying, cheating, cheater who cheats and lies." She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. She clearly felt she had made some kind of a valid point.

  
Cas rubbed his head, sure he was going to have a migraine when this was over, "Okay, Hannah. You and I are not and have never been a couple. Therefore, there is no way for me to have "cheated" in any way. Furthermore, we wouldn't even be having this fight if I _had_ lied about the guy I had a one-night stand with. So, I'm sorry to say, your point is invalid on all counts."

  
Hannah was now shaking her head back and forth over and over. It was as if one gesture in the negative was not satisfactory. “There were all the indicators that we were, at least, heading in the direction of a relationship Castiel."

  
Cas sighed. Sometimes he wished he was more of an asshole and could just let her believe whatever crazy idea she had and just walk away, but he just couldn't. “What supposed signs, Hannah? There were no signs. We never even slept together. Ever."

"Well... you would always sit RIGHT next to me on the couch when you ate dinner."

  
"We only have one piece of furniture in here and it's a love seat," Cas retorted

  
"And... There was that one time we kissed" she said hopefully.

  
"We were both seriously drunk. You threw up right after that and I passed out. Not exactly romantic Hannah," He shook his head for emphasis.

  
Hannah shrugged, "We still kissed"

  
  Cas put a bit of distance between them so she wouldn't read any wackadoo signals and said, “Hannah, you’re a nice girl, but you and I were only ever friends. I think you know that. I also think that's why you are _really_ pissed. I'm guessing you maybe wanted more than that. I’m sorry I don't want more and I'm sorry I told you about Fergie. If I realized you would freak out so bad about him I'm not sure I would have said anything."

  
Hannah nodded. She sniffled a little as if she had been crying. She said quietly" It’s okay Castiel. I’m fine now" She got up and walked to her room.She got to the door and right before she closed it she said "Oh, Castiel, one more thing, I’m gonna need you to get the FUCK OUT! " She slammed the door to her room rattling the dishes in the sink.

  
Cas let his head drop onto the couch. He thought _"Yep, it's definitely going to be a migraine"_.

* * *

 

As Cas stood on the perfectly manicured lawn of his possible new residence talking to one of his oldest and dearest friends, he had some serious reservations. He had just moved out of a volatile roommate situation and this Dean guy seemed to be wound up, buttoned up and just plain stuck up to a very scary degree. However, his car said maybe there was a bit of a bad boy just aching to break out of those suits and tell daddy to stick it where the sun don't shine.The psyche major in Cas sat up and took notice. Maybe Dean would be an interesting study. Just then Sam came outside “Dean will be down in a bit but he says you can stay," He was smiling with such relief that Cas couldn't help but wonder how that conversation must have went.

"Yes, speaking of your brother, Jess didn't tell me he was… how do I put this delicately... really... obviously... gay"

Sam choked on the beer he had just taken a swallow of. Jess was trying not to laugh while rapidly patting Sam’s back. Sam finally coughed out, "Uhm, *cough*... Deans not… *cough *…Deans not gay"

There is a filter of sorts between the average person’s brain and their mouth that stops them from saying things that might be construed as offensive or otherwise intrusive. Cas didn't have that filter. Which is why it should come as no surprise that his response was. “Oh yes, he is. In fact, if I were a betting a man...”

  
At that point, Jess cleared her throat _very_ loudly and pointedly glared at Cas. He might not have a filter but he could take the hint. He shut up.

Sam replied “Well, sorry man. I hate to argue with you but Dean's straight," he shrugged.

Cas' blue eyes took in the whole picture all the details that the casual observer might miss. He was ninety percent certain he was correct about Dean. As he looked at the certainty in Sam's eyes, Cas realized he might be the only one who knew that. Cas nodded mostly to himself. _Ah...it’s like that_. Out loud he just said, “My mistake."  
   
You know that moment when you walk into a room and you get the distinct impression that you came in at the end of something important? That’s how Dean felt when he finally came back outside after he had changed into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He stepped off the porch and everyone just sort of looked at him for a minute. It was as if he had sprouted another head while he was upstairs or something. The new guy had his head cocked slightly to the side and he had a quizzical look on his face as if he were solving a puzzle in his mind and the answer was written on Deans' forehead. It was unnerving as shit.

  
Dean looked around, he said defensively "What?"

Sam and Jess quickly responded with a muttered "Nothing," they looked away as if they weren't just staring at him.

  
Castiel replied, "I'm trying to figure you out."

  
If he had said ‘I’m contemplating ways in which to kill you', he probably would still have gotten a less horrified look from Dean.

  
With not much to say in response to a statement like that Dean just said, "Well, cut it out."

  
When no one moved, Dean told Sam to help Cas get his crap out of the van and bring it inside. Cas staying there was seeming more and more like a bad idea by the minute, Dean thought.

  
  ***

  Dean tried to put the fact that he had a new house guest out of his mind. He was mostly being occupied by Sam and Jess helping Sammy pack up his things. Dean knew he should probably help but he just couldn't. He didn't want to watch as his baby brother packed up his life in boxes and took away a part of Dean out the door to another place. So Dean did what he had always done, he focused on his work. Pulling out his lap top he sat down to check the reports that had been sent over and make sure everything was in order for his meeting with the big wigs on Monday. He made a few phone calls and typed and read and organized and tried his damnedest not to focus on the fact that he was losing the last of his family. Sometime in the middle of rereading his proposal for Monday, he fell asleep.

  
  He woke with an odd feeling he was not alone creeping over him. He opened his eyes and jumped and fumbled almost dropping his lap top. There was Cas just standing not two feet away watching him intently. He had a blanket draped over one arm and was wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweat pants. "Dammit, Cas! What the hell?"

Cas replied quietly, "Do you know, the only time your forehead doesn't have that crease in it, the only time your face seems to be at peace, is when you are asleep?"

Dean was weirded out. Not only was the guy watching him sleep, but he was _noticing_ him. "Yeah...that’s...great Cas. What’s up?"

Castiel smiled as if he knew a secret and wasn't sharing, "Well, your brother isn't actually leaving until tomorrow. There isn't another room available, so essentially, you’re asleep in my bed."

Dean looked around him as if he didn't quite know how he had managed to fall asleep at all, much less on the couch.That wasn't usually his style. He rubbed his face vigorously with his hands, "Yeah, okay, of course. But, why didn't you just wake me up? Why stand there watching me, that's… kind of creepy"

Cas shook his head, “I told you. It’s the only time I've seen you look peaceful. So, I didn't want to disturb you."

  

Dean got up, "Okay... well whatever. The couch is yours. Goodnight Cas"

 

Cas nodded "Goodnight Dean"

 

What Cas didn't tell Dean was that he had stood there for about five minutes. He came in to go to bed and saw Dean asleep. His face relaxed, mouth in a slight smile. Cas thought he looked beautiful like that. The moon coming in the window behind Dean hit him just right highlighting his strong jaw line and long lashes. Cas was in awe. He just couldn't wake him. It was like disturbing an angel. Then he woke up and that frown was back. In came the creases in the forehead and the gruff manner. Somehow, the  effect didn't completely go away. It made Cas smile because he saw a piece of Dean Winchester that wasn't rock. It wasn't the psychologist in Cas that was inspired in that moment, it was the musician. Dean's beauty made him want to write a song.He wanted to capture that moment right before Dean woke up. Cas decided his new endeavor was to find a way to get that look from Dean while he was awake.It would be a challenge, but there was nothing Castiel Novak loved more than a challenge.

 

As Dean lay in bed trying to fall back to sleep he heard the strumming of a guitar. It actually wasn't bad. Then he heard someone singing. It didn't seem like a complete song but more like the composing of one. Dean couldn't make out the lyrics but the voice must be Cas', sounded sort of bluesy and soulful. And somehow, through all the thoughts in Dean’s brain about his brother and his normal insomnia, somehow the music was lulling him to sleep. His last thought as he was drifting off to sleep was "Alright, maybe Cas isn't **_all_** bad"


	3. "I'll Watch Over Him"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt this romantic comedy to bring you quite a bit of angst - sorry in advance.

The next morning Dean sat in his kitchen at the breakfast bar. As he read the Wallstreet journal and sipped his vanilla latte he looked around the room. Sam hated what Dean had done to it. He said he had "gutted the heart of the house" but Dean felt he had streamlined it. It was efficient. Granite counter tops, black cupboards, stainless steel appliances. It was clean and orderly and controlled. Just like Dean wanted. Plus the light coming in from the window was perfect for reading the paper in the morning.

It was quiet in the house this early. Maybe too quiet. It made Dean aware that this is what he had to look forward to with Sam gone. If he didn't let the strange Cas stay, he had endless days of quiet. Dean got up and went to the radio set into the side of one of the cupboards. He pushed a few buttons and classical music came on. He looked around. No one was awake, no one would know. He pushed a few more buttons and... yes.

_**Hey, pretty pretty** _

_**With the sweet sweet eyes** _

_**Order me up another slice of your pie!** _

As Dean danced around the kitchen to Motley Crew cleaning up his breakfast dishes he thought he was alone. He had no idea that Cas had woken up and was standing in the doorway watching this seemingly uptight Jerk gyrate and rock out and sing lines about having something " _sticky sweet for you_ " wearing just a pair of plaid pajamas and a white t-shirt. That was part amusing and part sexy as hell.

Cas walked into the kitchen and Dean didn't seem to notice him come up right behind him till he sang right in his ear

"Just one wish before I die, order me up another slice of your piiiie."

Dean turned around and looked mortified. He was standing so close to Cas their bodies almost touched. He closed his eyes and counted down from ten then open them and calmly stepped away from Cas and turned off the Music.

He didn't comment on the fact that he had been rocking out to Motley Crew. He didn't comment on the goose bumps he got when he heard that gravelly voice sing in his ear. He simply walked over, sat down, and continued drinking his latte and reading the paper. Cas looked at him, then back at the radio, then back at Dean completely confused.

"Why did you do that?" He pointed to the radio.

Dean looked up unphased and said, "Do what?" He took a sip of his coffee and went back to reading.

Cas walked over and moved the newspaper down to look at Dean. He pointed at the radio. "That, why did you do that? Why did you turn off the radio?"

Cas normally was very good at reading people and their reactions to situations, but Dean's was such a sudden shut down he was lost.

Dean shrugged "The song was over. It's not a big deal Cas. Let it go."

He made eye contact. The kind of eye contact that says "seriously let it go. Just stop asking any questions and pretend none of this happened'. Cas walked closer to Dean, not breaking the eye contact. He looked him right in the eyes. He hoped maybe he could break that Devinci code inside his mind. Nope Dean was locked down.

Cas stepped back and said "Okay Dean. Is there coffee?"

Dean pointed to the Latte machine. Cas nodded, went over and brewed just a cup of black coffee. no extra frills or spills for him. He sat down.

Dean cocked his eyebrow. "Do you not know how to steam the milk? It's really easy. I can show you if you want?"

Cas laughed a little" No. I know how. I just prefer my coffee black. But thanks. What are you drinking?"

Dean looked at his large mug that had ' _All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy_ ' written all over it. It was a gag gift from Sam last Christmas. "Its a .. Vanilla Latte"

Cas nodded with a smile and mumbled "Of course it is"

Dean said, "What was that?"

Cas just shook his head like he hadn't said anything.

Luckily he was saved by Sam and Jess getting up and Sam coming down stairs.

When Sam walked into the kitchen he said, "Well, I see you two look like your getting along. Both of you are up, early as hell, having coffee together."

He got a snort from Dean and a silent laugh from Cas that he tried to hide by looking away and taking a drink of his coffee. "Anyway... Jess and I are going to head out early so... glad you two are hitting it off"

He smiled widely as if he hadn't totally sensed the awkwardness in that kitchen. He Ignored Deans 'I'm gonna kill you for this ' eyebrows, put his coffee in a to-go cup and left the kitchen.

* * *

 

Sooner then Dean would have liked Sam had his pickup loaded up with all his things and he was telling Dean goodbye. Jess was on the porch saying bye to Cas. Sam looked worried "Dean, please take care of yourself. Remember to eat something. I mean real food too, not just some grab-n-go crap on the way to or from work. And try to sleep and you know.. rest and NO, working out instead of working doesn't count as 'rest' "

Through his whole tirade, Dean just nodded. Sometimes Sammy thought HE was the older brother. "Yes Sammy, I know. I really truly can take care of myself. But... you know... well... you know."

Sam hugged him "I'll miss you too Dean"

 ***

Castiel watched Dean and Sam say goodbye and felt a little bad for Dean. He looked kind of lost. Jess came over to him. "Hey, Cas. Give him a break okay."

Cas looked at her quizzically "What do you mean Jess?"

"Well.. you know I love you to death but.. you can be kind of... intense. And, well, a bit judgy. Believe it or not, there's more to Dean than meets the eye. He's a good man Cas. He loves the hell out of Sam so, I love him so, give him a break okay?"

Cas smiled " Honestly Jess, I believe it. I can see it when he thinks no one is watching. Don't worry, I'll watch over him"

Jess beamed "That's why I love you Cas. You just cut through all the bullshit."

She gave him a big spinning hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Then, just like that, they were gone. Cas and Dean stood in the front yard for a minute. Neither of them spoke. After they had disappeared around the curve in the street, it was Dean who moved first. He just turned around, walked past Cas on the porch and went inside. Cas heard the door to his room close. Castiel sighed and his words to Jess floated back over him _"Don't worry, I'll watch over him_ ". Sometimes, he thought, he needed to think before he spoke.

 ***

 

Dean was in his room. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. For some reason, his mind drifted back to when his mom was still alive.

They were at the park and they were playing. Sam had fallen down and skinned his knee and he was crying. Dean had taken him over to their mom who told him it was okay and everything would be fine. She wiped away Sams tears. His dad had told Dean he needed to watch out for Sammy. He was the big brother and he needed to protect him and make sure he didn't get hurt. Deans mom had playfully swatted his dad and said 'Oh john.. they need to look out for EACH OTHER.They are brothers. When things get hard they have each other. That's what matters boys, never forget, what matters is family.' She hugged them both.

Dean realized his face was wet on one side and quickly wiped away the tear. Dean Winchester did not cry. He heard his phone ringing. He sat up and answered it. He heard his Fathers voice on the other end of the line.

"Dean, I'm stuck in Texas. I need you to get into the office and handle things on that end till I can get back there."

Dean closed his eyes for a second " Uh, yea.. dad but.. you know Sam just moved out today"

His dad cut him off "I don't want to hear about your personal problems Dean, I want to hear that you are capable of handling a few damn things when I'm not there"

Dean clenched his teeth and nodded, even though his father couldn't see him "Yes sir, I'll get right on it"

"That's my boy. I knew I could count on you" then his dad hung up.

He didn't say I love you or even goodbye. That wasn't John Winchester. He just said what needed to be said then hung up.

***

Cas was sitting on the couch going over a song he was working on when Dean came down stairs. Cas's first thought was that Dean was well and truly pissed. He looked fit to be tied. His next thought was that Dean was definitely going somewhere. He was dressed in navy blue slacks, a blue pinstriped shirt, red tie and red suspenders and he was putting on a navy jacket that matched the tie. He also had his 'man bag' that held his laptop with him. He was interesting, even angry.

 

 

The average man, when angry, stomps around and slams cupboards and possibly even punches walls or raises their voice. Deans anger was like an electric hum that seemed to emanate off of him. He walked with purpose, his eyes straight forward, his jaw locked, he breathed in and out of his nose slowly like trying to contain a fire. He went into the kitchen. Fascinated, Cas followed. His movements were deliberate as he opened cupboards and made his coffee in a stainless steel to-go cup. Cas wondered if Dean even noticed he was there, so focused was he on his tasks. He left the kitchen and headed toward the front hall and Cas followed. As he got to the door he stared at the closed door and without turning around he said in a controlled, slightly deeper than usual voice "What, Castiel?"

Cas actually shivered. Dean had never called him Castiel before. He didn't even know if he knew his full name until then. Cas asked, " Where are you going?"

"I'm going to work."

Cas raised his eyebrows "But..its Saturday."

"Yeah. And I'm still going to work"

Castiel couldn't let that go. That was bullshit and he said so. " They can't make you work on a Saturday. No way can your boss MAKE you work on a Saturday"

Dean turned those cold green eyes on Cas "Yeah? Well, My boss is my father so, actually, he can."

Cas went to argue "But Dean..that's bullshit.."

Deans eyes went from angry to just sort of tired and he laughed in a self-deprecating way " Yeah. Probably. But I'm going anyway"

He turned back around and his bag accidentally hit a picture on the wall. Cas leaned down to pick it up. It was of a young blonde woman smiling and hugging two little boys one blonde and one brunette.

Cas asked "Is this your mom? She's beautiful."

Dean gently took the picture out of Cas's hands and put it back on the wall. He looked at it and said "Yes, she was"

Cas could have kicked his own ass "Shit, Dean, I'm sorry"

Dean looked at him "She died Cas. It happens. It's not a thing okay? Don't make it ... a thing. "

He turned toward the door again "Anyway, I gotta go. Don't burn the house down or anything."

Then he left Cas standing there feeling like a total douche.

 

 


	4. "What The Actual Fuck?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we now return you to your regularly scheduled ROM-COM ;) - mostly

"Well that was a colossal waste of time," Dean thought as he drove Baby back home only about half an hour after he had gotten to the city. He arrived at the office to find his uncle Bobby was already there handling the shipments that were supposed to be received and coordinating with his aunt Ellen getting the big wigs into their proper hotels and such. He told Dean his father was an 'idjut' (Bobby's word for idiot) and that Dean was to 'go on home and not come back till Monday morn' He had everything handled. So that's how Dean found himself back on the bridge, back on his way home. Too bad he had worked up a good amount of tension on the drive in. He would have to hit the treadmill hard when he got home and blow off some of that steam.

 

 As Dean came in the house he could hear Cas in the living room on his guitar. He stopped in the front hall and listened. It was a song he hadn't heard before sounded like the end of a verse sort of slow tempo.

    and In the moonlight, I can almost see it  
      a gentle flame burning  **underneath.**

Then it picked up tempo and Cas sang with such passion it kind of blew Dean away

**I wanna be the one to light that fire**    
**I wanna let it burn us down**    
**I wanna break you out from behind that wall**    
**and see the man that tumbles out**

He trailed off and Dean thought it was a good time to pretend he 'just got home'. He closed the door loudly and said "I'm back" as he walked into the living room to put down his bag. Cas was scribbling something on a pad of paper. He looked up confused. "I thought you had to work."

Dean shrugged "Turns out I don't."

Cas just stared at him. I mean just looked at him like he thought there was a whole lot more Dean wanted to say but wouldn't. The silence stretched on as he just waited and watched. It made Dean twitchy, he finally said "Hey! I told you to knock that shit off. Quit trying to figure me out." He turned around and went upstairs.

Cas smiled and shook his head. He looked down at the song he was writing, crumbled it up and started over. It wasn't right, but it would get there.

* * *

 Later on, it occurred to Cas that Dean probably hadn't eaten anything since lunch (if he even ate lunch while he was driving all the way into the city and then back apparently for nothing.) Cas had promised Jess he would watch over Dean and he was hungry. So he decided to make dinner and if he happened to make more than he could eat, well.. then he guessed Dean would just have to have some of it right? Because wouldn't that be rude to refuse if your roommate made this food and offered it to you? Okay cool, so... Cas was making dinner. The only problem was he wasn't the best of cooks.

  He went through the fridge and cupboards. Dean had all this fancy schmancy crap. He didn't even know what half this shit was, much less how to cook it. Like what the hell was PATE? Mostly he could just cook grilled cheese and tomato soup.

  But Cas was determined. He looked in the fridge. There were two kinds of cheese one called Midnight Moon which apparently had " a warm nutty flavor with a long toffee caramel finish." and one called Smoked Apple Walnut which was said to be "smooth and creamy as custard, with a wonderfully honest smoky flavor".  

"What the actual Fuck?" Cas thought. He grabbed the apple one.

Now for bread. His choices were some pita bread thing, gourmet German rye, or Organic Sourdough. Okay... Sourdough it is. So he had bread and cheese. He also grabbed some spinach lettuce and a jar of sun-dried tomatoes from the fridge because he liked his grilled cheese with lettuce and tomato.

Now to find something resembling soup. He checked the pantry and finally found an honest to god can of soup. Okay so it was Wolfgang Pucks Organic Tomato Basil Bisque 'soup' but STILL it was a can-o-soup.

 Figuring out all the high tech appliances and gadgets Dean had in his kitchen wasn't easy either. Eventually, with the kitchen a fairly big mess. Cas was more exhausted then one should be after just making essentially grilled cheese and soup, he had made dinner.

He felt very paleolithic "Ug, I cave man. I bring forth food. Okay... enough of that."

He set the breakfast bar with the white square plates and the grilled sourdough with apple walnut cheese and spinach and sundried tomato sandwiches. The black square bowls with tomato basil bisque with Parmesan-Romano rustic french bread croutons and thought it didn't look half bad. Now, all he had to do was get Dean downstairs to eat it. He blew out a puff of air. Being domestic was hard!

* * *

 

   Cas got to Deans door and knocked. He put a pleasant smile on his face. He had his nonchalant invite all rehearsed "Hey Dean. I made some food if you're hungry?" Nothing too over the top. Dean didn't answer. He could hear music playing in the room so Cas figured Dean probably couldn't hear the knock. He knocked louder. The bedroom door opened and oh..man...

Dean had answered the door wearing sweat shorts and a black muscle shirt. He was covered in sweat and panting. He wiped his brow and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah?"

"Oh. My. Dear. God." Cas whispered

Dean looked at Cas worried "What? Is everything okay?"

Cas closed his mouth that had fallen open. "Did I say that out loud?" He answered his own question "Yeah...I did.... okay..."

Dean leaned one arm on the door jamb which flexed every muscle in his right arm and exposed his abs against the wet tank top he was wearing. Cas was afraid he was going to hyperventilate. 

Dean was used to Cas being weird so he just looked at him strangely and said "So..Cas.. what can I do for you?"

Oh, come on! Thought Cas. This isn't even fair. "Uhm. Food. I um... I cooked... food. "

Dean laughed "Good for you. and?" He raised his eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest waiting for Cas to get to the point.

Cas stumbled out "Its..dinner. You. Come. Eat dinner. K?" Cas looked at the ground thinking  _"Oh my god what the hell?"_

 

Dean wasn't entirely sure what was wrong with Cas, but he kind of liked being the one unnerving HIM for a change. I mean for once Cas wasn't even meeting his eye. If Dean didn't know better he would think Cas was into him. But that was pretty unlikely since those musician types had throngs of groupie chicks and guys who were uninhibited and free loving and everything Dean SO wasn't. BUT..what the hell. Dean was gonna fuck with him anyway. _"Let's just to see what he does"_. It's not like Dean had never messed around with dudes before. But no one and he meant NO ONE knew about that. His dad would kill him for sure. But his dad wasn't here. And it's not like anything was actually going to happen. He was just going to make Cas squirm for once.

 

Dean smiled. His green eyes glowing with mischief. Cas glanced up just long enough to realize he was probably in trouble. Dean took a step towards Cas, into his personal space and said seductively "Whats for dinner Cas?"

Cas's head jerked up at the tone of Dean's voice. He found himself a mere foot away from Dean. He couldn't talk "Uhm.."

Dean liked this."Weeeell" He said stretching his arms over his head so his full chest was showing easily through the fabric of his shirt and right at Cas's eye level "I guess I should change first." He gripped the bottom of the shirt "You don't mind do you?" he asked Cas. His eyes full of challenge. Cas found, much to his chagrin, he could not take his eyes off the body in front of him. He just shook his head no. If Cas though Dean was going to go back into his room, he was sadly mistaken. With a smile and a knock-your-socks-off wink, Dean pulled that shirt off over his head and tossed it. 

Castiel was done with this game. He wasn't usually the type to pussyfoot around or behave shyly in any way. It was unnerving and he hated that. Somehow looking at that sexy specimen of a man that was usually hidden under layer after layer of businessman chic, Cas found his voice. He forced himself to look into those emerald eyes. He cleared his throat and said "Okay, When your done changing. I'll be downstairs." He made his feet walk away. When he got to the foot of the stairs he could have sworn he heard Dean laugh.

* * *

Cas went into the kitchen and splashed some cold water on his face. He had no idea what happened to him up there. His only excuse was pure shock value. Guess you never know what kind of body someone is hiding underneath their clothes. And WHAT. THE. HELL was up with Dean? He totally did that on purpose! And just because Cas's gay-dar went off so bright you could see it from Mars when he saw Dean didn't mean shit. Apparently the rest of the world thought Dean was as straight as they come. So why was he fucking with him? Well, Cas was going to ask him. That was settled. As soon as he came down stairs. He was going to look him in the eye and just straight out ask him what that was all about. Because that's how Cas rolled. Strait (no pun intended) to the point.

Cas sat down at the table and wanted to eat. All of the sudden, he was starving. After about 15 minutes Dean came in, he looked like he had had a quick shower. He was dressed casually in jeans and a gray t-shirt. Cas was just about to confront him with the whole business upstairs. He got up and was almost face to face with Dean when Deans' eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Cas! What did you do to my kitchen!?" 

Cas looked around. Pretty much every gadget that Dean owned was strewn across the counter tops. There was tomato soup splashed on the stove top and three different pans in the sink. It sort of looked like a tornado had hit Deans perfect orderly pristine kitchen.

"I.. had a little trouble with your stupid gadgets."

Dean cracked a smile.

"Seriously. There are so many of them and NONE of them seem to work the way you would think they SHOULD!"

Dean let a little snort escape and covered his mouth with his hand

"Come on! I like.. never cook okay. Just eat the damn food." Cas sulked

Then something amazing happened. Dean laughed. Not a little giggle. Not a chuckle. He burst out laughing. 

It was truly astonishing. Cas watched his whole face transform. The frown lines turned into dimples. He showed a pair of perfect teeth. His lips even looked fuller somehow. The worry lines in his forehead seem to diminish and become cute crinkly laugh lines on the sides of his eyes. The other thing about his laugh, it was infectious.  At first, Cas smiled. Then he found he was laughing too. As Dean doubled over and put his hand on Cas's shoulder for support, Cas found he was laughing just as hard as Dean was. Finally settling down some but still grinning Dean said "Wooo. Cas. Buddy. I haven't laughed that hard since...I can't even remember."

He patted Cas on the back "Well the food looks delicious. Come on let's eat."

Cas didn't ask him jack about what happened upstairs. To tell you the truth, he didn't care. He had somehow, for a brief moment, unlocked one of those doors marked ' _Dean Winchester_ ' and it was a good door. So he let it be, for now. There would be time later to explore the other "closets" Dean was hiding in. 

 


	5. Sing Sweet Nightingale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you'll laugh, you'll gasp, you'll cheer, and its not even Wednesday

**Sunday Morning**

Dean was in the shower. He sighed and tilted his head back as he ran his hands through his hair letting the hot water cascade down his face and over his body. He lathered up his hands with his body wash and massaged it over his chest down his stomach as he reached his cock he felt the ache of it having been way too long since he had had sex. He slid his soapy hand over the shaft. Working himself into a frenzy. He had one hand braced against the shower wall and the other pumping furiously away. 'Oh...fuck..." He was so close... He increased speed... He heard the bathroom door open and stopped. He quickly looked out the shower curtain and Cas was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. He spit and smiled. "Morning."

Dean just glared, "Cas. Get the hell out."

Cas gathered his things, "Okay… I’ll just, wait outside till you’re done."

He left and Dean lightly hit his head against the shower wall, "Guess I’m not gonna be ‘done’ now. He wrapped the towel around him and got out.”

* * *

 

  **Sunday night**

Dean was reading the paper on the couch when Cas came down the stairs in tight jeans that barely covered his ass and crotch and had holes torn in them all over the place. He wore a striped raw cotton shirt that he hadn't bothered to button paired with a pair of faded black boots and Aviator sunglasses even though it was probably going to be dark soon. He had his Gibson guitar slung over his back by its strap and he was carrying an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. What the..?

Dean got up and went into the hall, "Hey Cas, where you off to?"

Cas looked at him over the rim of the sunglasses that weren't actually covering his eyes, "I’m going to work Dean."

Dean felt like they had had this conversation before… "It’s Sunday Night. And where the hell do you work dressed like that?"

Cas smiled a half grin and took off the sunglasses. "Dean I am both a musician and a bartender. Neither of these are jobs that generally take place during the day. And as far as what I'm wearing, one of the perks of my professions is that I don't have to conform to socialist standards of dress."

Dean didn't know why but Cas going out like that bugged him. "Yeah but… You can't go out… Dressed like that."

Cas cocked his head to the side as if considering the statement. "I wonder. If you are more bothered because you would never dress like this or if you secretly like what you see and you don't want others to like it too? Hmmm?"

Dean didn't like this Cas. He was cocky and self-assured. And Cocky. Did he mention Cocky?

Cas winked. He actually winked at Dean. He put his sunglasses back on, waved with is bottle of Jack and said over his shoulder. "Don’t wait up."

Dean having to have the last word yelled, "Don’t worry. I won’t."

Cas laughed.

* * *

 

**Monday Morning**

Dean's alarm woke him up at 6 am as it always did. Time to start another week. That’s okay. He was ready. He had his proposal all set up and there wasn't anything anyone could do to trip him up. He smiled triumphantly. He stretched out his arm and one of them connected with another body. He looked over slowly and there was Cas passed out. In his bed. Naked. 

Dean yelled, "Jesus Cas!"

Cas woke with a start and put his hand to his head. "Shhh. Not so loud I’ve got a massive hangover."

Then he looked at where he was and that he was naked and he said, "Oh man! Did we fuck?"

Deans eyes widened and he pulled the covers up to cover his chest. "No. We did NOT fuck."

Cas looked relieved. "That’s good. Cause that would have been super awkward. I’ve gotta go back to bed. Have a good day Dean."

He got up and Dean didn't relax till he heard the door to Cas' room close. He lay there for a minute. Counted back from ten. Hissy fit kicked all the covers off and got up.

* * *

 

**Monday Night**

Dean worked late. Really late. If he didn't know better he would swear his dad was punishing him for letting Uncle Bobby take over during the weekend. By the time he left the office it was nearly 8 pm. No one else was anywhere near the office much less in it. He heard the main office phone ringing as he was leaving and he was not picking it up. If there were no secretaries there, then as far as he was concerned there was no one to answer the phone. He locked up the office and was heading out to hail a cab. He just wanted this day to be over. A man rushed him and tried to grab his bag. No way was Dean giving that up without a fight it had his laptop in it, all his work was on it. The dude said, "just give me the bag man and no one gets hurt."

Dean wasn't a small man and figured he could out wrestle this chump even if it meant ruining a really nice suit. "Are you out of your mind? No."

The rest happened so quick he barely had time to register. The man pulled the bag throwing off Dean’s center of balance. He went down HARD on one knee. The guy kicked the same knee making Dean scream. Then he rapidly elbowed Dean in the face and pulled the bag free from his arm. As the mugger turned to run he was hit directly in the face and thrown off his feet by a black Gibson electric guitar. The guy’s nose exploded with blood and he landed flat on his back. Cas stepped over him and into Dean's fuzzy view. 

Cas mumbled, "Piece of shit muggers."

Then helping Dean to his feet he said, "Come on, we gotta get out of here before any cops show up."

He took off his shirt and handed it to Dean to stanch the blood coming from his lip and nose. He put him in the van and drove away. Dean convinced him he didn't need to go to the hospital and he hated hospitals because his mom died in one so Cas didn't make him go. They were almost to the edge of the city when Dean almost yelled, "Stop, stop, stop. I can’t leave without my Baby."

Cas sighed, "Dean I'm sure your car will be fine..."

"No Cas, I'm not leaving her here over night. Especially with assholes like that guy running around."

Cas shook his head, "Okay. I'll call Sam…"

Dean interrupted again, "No! Don't call Sam. I don't want anyone knowing about this but us."

Cas pulled over. He looked at Dean. "Okay, Dean. What would you like me to do? I can’t drive both vehicles and I need my van to get to work. And you can’t drive with your knee busted up like that."

Dean was already nodding, "Yes I can Cas. Just take me to my car and me and Baby will make the trip home just fine."

Cas massaged the bridge of his nose. "Anyone ever tell you, you have an unhealthy attachment to that car?"

Dean looked at him seriously. "No one ever told me that twice." Then he cracked a smile, "Come on Cas! I can’t leave her here."

Against his better, judgment he took Dean to his car. He drove behind him the whole way home and it was a slow trip home. Cas wondered if it had occurred to Dean yet how it was that Cas happened to be there to save his ass from that mugger? Or that Cas had just trashed… TRASHED his guitar to do it? Probably not,  _“Oh well,”_   thought Cas. He didn't do it for thanks, he did it cause he promised he would watch out for Dean. When 7:00 rolled around and he still wasn't home and no one was picking up at the office Cas had a bad feeling, so instead of going into work he went into the city. Damn good thing he did too. Stubborn ass would have gotten himself killed just to save his LAPTOP. What Cas didn't tell him was when he looked down at the unconscious mugger he saw a gun tucked in the front of his waistband. If Dean had kept fighting he might have paid with his life. Cas tried to keep that in perspective as he looked mournfully at his guitar covered in blood, strings torn to shit, crack in the neck. Artistically, he would probably frame that shit. Musically... She was toast. Guess Cas was going acoustic for a little while because he sure as hell couldn't afford another electric guitar on his bartenders salary.  

 

* * *

 

**Tuesday Morning**

Cas woke up to the sound of the shower running. He wanted to go check on Dean but Dean seemed to get all weird about him coming in there when he was showering so he figured he would leave him alone. Then he heard a loud *CRASH* and Cas was out of his room and running into the bathroom. As soon as he got the door open Dean was already talking, "I’m fine Cas. I just slipped, ok?"

Cas didn't believe him. He pulled back the curtain. Dean was sitting in the tub and his right knee was swollen to the size of a grape fruit and purple.

Dean's eyes widened, "Oh come on Cas! I’m naked here!"

Cas really wasn't all that concerned about Dean's modesty at that moment but he grabbed a towel and tossed it on Deans crotch. He then leaned in and put his arm under Dean to help him up. Dean winced in Pain. Holding the towel so it just covered his junk and hopping on one foot Dean and Cas managed to make it back to Deans room. Which wasn't easy since they were about equal in size with dean having a bit more in the muscle department. Cas huffed out on the way to Deans room

"This…would…be...a lot easier…if we…had Sam here...to help."

Dean just glared as he was laid back on the bed and quickly tried to re-position the towel over himself.

"I told you Cas, we aren't calling Sam. This whole thing is humiliating enough without involving anyone else."

Castiel sat on the bed next to Dean and draped the blanket over him to make him feel less conspicuous. 

"Dean. We need to have talk. I'm afraid you aren't looking at things very rationally."

Dean rolled his eyes. "This from the guy who woke up accidentally naked and hung over in my bed yesterday."

Cas nodded, "Fair point. But believe it or not, I don't take unnecessary risks. You driving home last night was stupid. I let you do it because there was no talking you out of it. Not going to the hospital, also fairly stupid. I also for some reason let you talk me out of it. Not calling Sam isn't necessarily stupid, it’s just inconvenient, which I’m ok with. IF you can agree to the fact that like it or not I'm all you've got. You have canceled out all other available options for care. You cannot care for yourself, tough guy. So here's the deal, you agree to my terms of care OR I call Sam now tell him what happened and we let the chips fall where they may."

Deans mouth dropped open, "But that's… that's...BLACKMAIL!"

Cas pursed his lips and nodded. "Yea…pretty much. So… what’s it gonna be?"

Dean sat for a minute staring at the ceiling mad but he had to agree with Cas, he was out of other options. "Ok. Fine. We will do it your way. But Cas, after all this is said and done you and I gotta have a talk about a little thing called ‘Personal Space, alright?"

Cas sniffed out a laugh, "Yea well, you might wanna hold off on that talk sunshine cause our space is about to get a lot more personal. First things first you need to call in sick and then-"

Dean cut him off, "whoa… whoa… whoa hold up. I can’t call in sick. My dad will have kittens."

Cas looked at him like he must be joking. "Dean you cannot go into work like that. Well I mean…you CAN but you would HAVE to see a doctor. Get crutches at the very least and have you seen your face? What are you going to tell people you fell down the stairs...repeatedly?"

Looking at him just made Cas mad all over again. He wanted to go back there and smash that guys face again. He doubted if Dean had ever even been in a fight and now he had a swollen lip, a cut above his left eye on the brow line, two black eyes, the left one so bad it had actually had a slight swell that that forced Dean’s eye to not open all the way. Cas wished he had a magic wand that could just make it all go away but he didn't. Luckily, in his line of work he didn't need doctors to know where to find pain killer; but first he had to keep Dean home.

Dean was still arguing when Cas picked up the phone and dialed it. He stopped talking and looked at him. Then Cas started talking to the person on the phone

"Sam. Hi. How are you? How's the new place? Good glad to hear."

Dean was making the hang up gesture and mouthing ‘ok ok OK.’

Cas finished up quickly. "No that was it. Just wanted to see how you liked the new place. Tell Jess I said hi. Bye.” And he hung up and smiled.

Dean shook his head. "That was low. And it’s a good thing you're weird or that phone call might have seemed strange."

"I told you Dean. I’m not messing around. You are seriously fucked up. You have to let someone take care of you."

Dean tried to explain, "You don't know my dad Cas. There isn't an excuse good enough. Hell, I could tell him the truth about what went down last night and he would still expect my ass to show up."

Cas was getting mad. "No offense Dean. But I don't give a shit about your dad and nothing you’re telling me is making me any more likely to. Call the office. Talk to a secretary. Tell them you’re sick with… I don't care what. That god damn job is why you’re in this mess anyway cause your laptop was so damn important. Tell them you have fucking pneumonia for all I care. Shut off your cell phone. If John Winchester has a problem with it, he can take it up with me. YOU. ARE. NOT. GOING. TO. WORK. TODAY."

Dean called Charlie. Told her he was sick and would be out of the office and unreachable by phone. Then he hung up and handed his cell to Cas. 

"It won't work. He is like a bloodhound. You’ll see. But I complied with your rules so, you can’t call Sam."

Cas took the phone and he was determined that he really would make sure Deans dad left him alone, he said he would. It just sucked for Dean that he actually might have to.

To lighten the mood and because it was needed he said "OK… step two. I gotta help you get dressed," and he smiled when Dean just put the covers over his head.

* * *

 

**Tuesday Afternoon**

Castiel paced the floor downstairs. Dean was in his room watching Netflix and thankfully he ate pizza because Cas wasn't sure he could try and cook again today. The problem was Dean was in a lot of pain. He could barely eat because of his mouth but that wasn't the worst of it. It was that damn leg. Cas couldn't brace it and bandage it so it had a hope of getting better when it would make Dean turn ghost white to mess with it. Cas was really afraid it was broken. He was being stupid. He was being sentimental and stupid. He needed to just force Dean to go to the hospital even if it psychologically scarred him to do it. Cas knew He wasn't going to make him go though. Which meant he needed to leave and get him pain killers and he needed to get that leg looked at just in case. But what if Dean’s dad showed up while he was away? Castiel took a moment for a reality check. He had been living with Dean Winchester for five days. That’s it. Five fricken days and already he was going all papa bear on him. This was Jess's fault. Her and her stupid promise. If he hadn't promised her, maybe he could have been like meh...whatever. Not my problem. Yea! Right Cas. Cause that’s so you! Cas knew he was talking to himself. He did that when he was trying to think. He had only himself to blame. He wanted to unlock doors into Dean Winchester. He wanted to peek behind the curtain. Well...ok, peek away Cas cause now you’re his full time babysitter till this passes. He had to go. Just had to lock up the house and pray to god Dean’s asshole of a dad didn't show up before he got back. 

He went up stairs to tell Dean he would be right back and he was thankfully asleep. Cas looked at him leg propped up on a pillow, Netflix on the TV, asleep on the pizza box and a smile on his face. He looked like a kid who got to stay home from school. For no particular reason, maybe because he could do it without Dean freaking out Cas gently ran his hand through Deans hair. He moved the pizza box and left Dean a note telling him he would be right back and to stay in bed.

Cas took the stairs two at a time grabbed his keys, locked the house and was dialing the phone as he drove off.

He arrived at the bar in record time. Parking behind  ** _Crossroads_** he got out and went in the back entrance. It was usually pretty dead this time of day which is why it was a perfect meeting spot, not to mention it was really close to Dean’s house. He spotted Fergie in the corner booth. Looking debonair in a black suit with a burgundy tie sipping on a glass of cognac on the rocks, he certainly didn't look like anyone you would call "Fergie" and no one did. No one that is, that wasn't intimately acquainted with him, which Cas was.  As soon as he saw Cas anyone would know it too, he eyed Cas not bothering to disguise his lust. When Cas finally sat down at the table he just looked at him wistfully for a moment before he spoke in a cultured British accent

"Hello Nightingale. I hear you have a bit of a problem?"

Cas cleared his throat, "Yes. You could say that." He knew how to get to Ferg. He looked him right in the eye

He sighed, "Ah. Beautiful boy, I wish this were a social call. Oh well... Bella." He beckoned over a woman. "My friend here will need a ‘prescription’ of Vicodin."

As the woman left to get the meds, Ferg rested his chin on two fingers with the other two on his cheek and looked at Cas. "Having a party?"

Cas snorted. "I wish. No. unfortunately these are for actual pain management."

His friend sat up and his face got more serious. He steeple his fingers together, "not for you I hope?"

Cas shook his head, "No."  _Where the hell was that girl, he had to get back to Dean._

His friend leaned back a little in the booth. “Good. Cause I hope you know anyone ever hurts you, I’ll give them hell."

Cas reached across the table and squeezed the man’s hand. "You know, I believe that."

The girl had finally arrived back and handed the bottle to Fergie.

He went to pull his hand back but Ferg held it, "Who are these for?"

Cas looked at him meaningfully and said, "A good friend. I just wish I knew someone with medical training to look at his leg."

Ferg smiled, "How good?"

Cas got a gleam of evil in his eye that he knew Fergie would understand and with a smile said, "Good enough that I smashed my Gibson into the other face who hurt him."

Ferg put his hand to his chest. "Uh Nightingale you break my heart. I am sorry for your friend and so sorry for the loss of a piece of your soul. Here. On the house." He handed the pills to Cas and kissed the top of his hand. "Also, Bella here is a trained nurse, she is also discreet, she will go with you and look at your friend’s leg. Hopefully help if she can."

Cas was so relieved he leaned over and hugged Fergie and told him thank you. 

"Don’t thank me, it’s purely selfish. I’m hoping if things don't work out with your 'friend' you'll call me again some lonely night."

Cas didn’t have time to correct him that Dean wasn't  _That kind_  of friend. He had to get back

Cas and Bella left and headed back to the house he hoped like hell Dean was ok and nothing had happened. He got back and the door was still locked which was a good sign he hoped. He left Bella down stairs went up to check on Dean and realized he had worried for nothing. Dean was still peacefully asleep, exactly as he had left him. Cas thanked God anyway.

* * *

 

**Tuesday Night**

Bella turned out to be awesome. And it turned out Dean’s knee was not broken (as far as she could tell just from looking and feel without an x-ray of course) but she splinted it and bandaged it and gave them some hot and cold compresses to alternate and the Vicodin helped allot too. The only problem was Dean didn’t really take medication normally so it made him kind of loopy. John Winchester didn't show, which was good and it was eight pm so probably no show tonight. So Bella volunteered to stay at the house with Dean while Cas went into work (cause Cas really needed the money). Now he just had to convince Dean. That shouldn't be an issue but Dean got kind of...clingy in the last few hours since being on the pain meds so… Cas wasn't so sure. 

He got dressed for work first so if it took a while to leave Dean it wouldn't be as bad. He was in leather jeans where you could see the dip n the front of his pelvic bone, his black boots and a black button up (unbuttoned most of the way) when he looked in the mirror he laughed and thought if Dean is at all coherent he is going to have words about this outfit. 

He went into the room Dean was watching some Sci-Fi or horror TV show and was yelling, "Salty door! Salt T door!" when Cas walked in. He just laughed. 

"Hey, Dean. How you feeling?

Dean hit pause on the Netflix. "Ok Cas… kind of tired...are you leaving?" He pouted.

Cas was afraid of this. He sat on the bed by Dean "Yea.. I gotta go to work but...Dean...what are you doing?"

Dean was running his hand slowly up and down Cas' thigh. It was very difficult to concentrate because it was seriously turning him on!

Dean didn't seem to be aware of that effect however. "This is a really cool material Cas."

Cas slid a little further away and tried to readjust the VERY tight pants he was wearing with the increasing pressure that was building in them.

He set his hand on top of Dean’s to stop him from moving it anymore. "That’s great Dean. So. Anyway. I have to go to work now. "

As dean pouted he ran his finger across Cas' bare skin between the top of his waist band and his belly button. "Ooookkkkk."

Cas jumped up like he had been bitten. "Ok. Gotta go, Night Night."  _Night Night??_  

He made sure Deans leg was elevated, and was starting to fix his covers when dean said, "Hey Cas?"

Cas said, "Hmmm?" And continued tucking him in, he was directly above him and tucking the blanket under his arms when dean asked,

"Are you gay?"

Cas paused for only a second and looked into Deans eyes, then he continued his prepping him for bed and answered honestly, "Mostly."

Dean nodded and said, "Ok."

He looked like he was starting to fall asleep so Cas was just heading out the Door when he heard Dean again.

"Hey Cas?"

Cas turned back around but stayed by the door, "Yes Dean?"

Dean was looking at Cas's outfit and he looked as close to unhappy as ‘Vicodin Dean’ could look.

"Are you planning on having sex tonight?"

Cas's eyes widened for a minute but he didn’t have time to get into what all that was about so once again Dean just got a one hundred percent honest answer, "I wasn't planning on it. No"

Dean nodded again. "Ok. Good night Cas."

And then he fell asleep. And Cas was never so glad to fucking leave for work. It was like the Spanish inquisition in there. Jesus! 


	6. It started with a whisper

 

**Wednesday Morning**

Dean woke up and his leg was throbbing. His mouth was dry and he really had to piss. He looked down at his leg. How the hell was he going to get up with that thing strapped to his knee? He looked around the room for something he could use as a crutch and that's when he saw him. Cas had pulled Deans little black leather couch over from away from the window so it was closer to the bed and he was asleep on it. He was still in his 'work' clothes. Half his body was draped off the couch and the top button of his pants was undone revealing that Cas didn't wear anything under those tight pants of his. Since no one was around Dean allowed himself to look, really look at Cas for the first time. He was sexy like this. Shirt unbuttoned showing off his smooth chest, Dean kind of wanted to lick that chest all the way down to where those pants were tempting him with their little peep show. Cas' hair was tousled from sleep and as Dean was about to wake Cas up he turned just his head and opened his eyes. He didn't jump or stretch just opened his eyes and turned his head so he was looking into Dean’s eyes. 'Man that blue' thought Dean. His eyes had been the first thing Dean noticed about Cas even if it was in a sheer panic at the time. Cas spoke but didn't move.

"Are you ok Dean?"

The urge to piss was suddenly back with a vengeance. "Actually no, Cas. I need you."

Cas raised an eyebrow and sat up, "Are you still on medication?"

Dean looked confused for a second and then shook his head. "What? No. actually I feel like hell, and I really need to piss and I REALLY hate asking you this, but… I kinda need a hand getting to the bathroom."

"Ah. Ok." Cas got up and helped Dean limp to the bathroom. On the way there he said, "Were you watching me sleep?"

Dean huffed and made a psshh sound and said, "No. of course not. Now shut up. My leg hurts."

Cas smiled to himself. Dean was watching him sleep.

He let Dean into the bathroom and told him he would be right outside the door if anything happened.

Dean finished up and then for the first time since the almost mugging he looked in the mirror.

From outside the bathroom door, Cas heard a loud exclamation of, "Son of a bitch!"

He opened the door a crack, "Dean, you ok?"

Dean sighed, "You can come in Cas."

Cas went in and shut the door behind him. Dean was leaning with both hands on the sink staring into the mirror. "Look at my face Cas."

Cas nodded, "I know."

Dean stood up which put him within six inches of Cas. They stood Face to face. "No, Cas. Seriously. Look…at…my…face."

Cas could do nothing else at that close proximity. He realized with a start that he wanted to kiss Dean. Just grab him and kiss him. They were too close. This bathroom was too small. Cas took a step back and leaned against the closed bathroom door.

He looked up at the ceiling, "Well… If it’s any consolation...I’m sure I broke that other guys nose and probably busted out a few teeth." 

His eyes shifted to Dean and he smiled. Dean smiled too. Then he half laughed.

"Yea… That does kind of make me feel better."

Dean's face got serious again. "I never said thank you."

Cas interrupted, "You don't have too…”

Dean put his hand up to stop Cas from talking. "No, I do. Thank you, Cas. You saved my ass out there."

Cas didn't know what he was going to say because before he got any words out Dean had cleared the small distance between them. He pressed his hands to either side of Cas' head against the door. Castiel didn't dare breath. Dean looked at him. His eyes roaming over his face and then focusing on his lips. Dean bit his bottom lip and then his tongue snaked out and he wet his lips. 

Cas tried to speak, "Dean…what are you..."

Dean put one finger on Cas' mouth, "Shut up Cas…you talk too much." 

Then Dean's hand wound into the hair at the nap of Cas' neck and he kissed him. Cas didn't need more encouragement than that. He wrapped his arms around Dean and shifted him so he was pressed against the wall and using his lower lip he nudged Dean's mouth open more to accept his tongue. His tongue dove into Dean's mouth exploring and intertwining with Dean’s tongue. His body was getting heated and he could feel Dean’s arousal pressed against him. Cas ground his body against Dean’s pressing him harder against the bathroom door. He took his arms and pinned them over Dean’s head. Dean Moaned. Cas pulled back slightly and looked at Dean. His eyes were hot with lust and he was panting. Then Cas licked his lip and tasted blood and that ugly thing called common sense reared its ugly head. Cas looked at Dean's mouth and realized he had slightly split his lip back open from kissing him and Dean was standing on his bad leg. Cas growled low in his throat and releasing Dean’s wrists he stepped back and put out both hands in front of him so Dean didn't advance. Dean's head dropped back against the bathroom door and he closed his eyes and he readjusted himself in his pants. 

"Fuck...Cas. What's the problem?"

Cas looked at Dean. He wasn't wearing a shirt because he had just woken up and all he had on the bottom was a pair of black silk boxers which meant there was no disguising how ready Dean was. The problem was he also has a large ace bandage covering his whole right knee and a blue and white splint keeping it straight velcroed around it and he had two black eyes and his god damn lip was bleeding again thanks to Cas. 

Cas ran both his hands through his hair, "Dean. I want you ok. You have no IDEA how much I want you right now. I really want to be a selfish bastard and say fuck it and see where this goes… BUT… I'm not a dick. You’re injured. You’re standing ON your injured leg and I split your lip back open. I'm supposed to be looking out for you." Cas looked away.

Dean shook his head, "No. I split my lip back open. Remember? **I**  kissed  **you.**  Or are you so arrogant you forgot that already?"

Cas tried to explain, he could see the walls slipping back over Dean’s eyes and he tried like hell to stop it. "Dean it’s not like that."

Dean laughed a self-deprecating laugh and rubbed his hand over his mouth. "Oh no, I know exactly what it’s like Castiel. I’m apparently some fucking pity project for you. Well screw you man, I don't need anyone 'looking out for me' ok."

Dean pushed passed Cas and even though he winced and you could tell it hurt he limped all the way back to his room by himself and shut the door. 

Cas sat down on the side of the tub.

"Fuck. I really gotta stop kissing my roommates."

* * *

 

**Same Time Wednesday Morning in the City**

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE HAS PNEUMONIA?"

You could hear John Winchester's bellow echo throughout the building. Charley Bradbury ~ secretary extraordinaire (self titled) stood in his office. She stood there casually as if he hadn't just screamed his head off. Mr. Winchester had returned to the office that morning and it fell on Charlie’s head to tell him that his son wasn't in the office and probably wouldn't be for at least another day.

"Just what I said sir. He has Pneumonia. And since he called in yesterday I would wager it will be at least Friday before he is able to be at work again."

She said it calmly and with a small smile on her face. She would bet her new PS4 that Dean Winchester didn't REALLY have Pneumonia but she sure as hell would cover for him. 

John Winchester came around his desk and sat on the front of it. "What did he sound like when he called?"

"Like he had Pneumonia," Charlie replied casually while looking at her nails.

John narrowed his eyes, "and what does someone sound like who has Pneumonia?"

Charlie shrugged, "I don’t know. I’ve never had Pneumonia."

John threw his hands up in the air.  "Miss Bradbury. What exactly did my son say when he called here?"

Charlie stood straighter like she was reciting she said, "He said he had Pneumonia and would not be capable of coming in for a few days." She nodded for emphases.

John took a deep breath, he leaned in close to Charlie’s face, "and how did he sound on the phone call?”

Charlie looked right back at him, SO not intimidated. He wasn't her boss Dean was. "Sick."

"Sick how?"

Charlie smiled, "Like he had Pneumonia."

"But you don’t know what that sounds like because you have never had Pneumonia?"

Charlie nodded, "exactly."

John Winchester yelled, "Aaahhhhhhh! My son DOES NOT have Pneumonia! And I’m going to find out!"

Charlie cleared her throat.

"Yes…Miss Bradbury?"

Charlie smiled pleasantly. "One more thing, he can’t be reached on his cell phone either."

John narrowed his eyes at her. "Then I guess I will have to go out to his house and see for MYSELF!... wont I?"

He whipped around and called his secretary and yelled at her to get his car ready.

Charlie left his office and attempted to walk at what looked like a normal walk. When she reached her cubical she grabbed her cell phone. One time when she was having a really bad day Mr. Dean Winchester said to her, for no particular reason 'Charlie you really are an exceptional secretary' and today she was about to prove him right. She called his cell phone, biting her thumb nail and tapping her foot. "Come on, come on… someone pick up."

"Hello...Dean Winchesters phone," said a gravelly voice on the other end.

Yes! Someone picked up. "Hi. This is Dean's secretary Charlie Bradbury. With whom am I speaking?"

The voice on the phone seemed to hesitate for a minute. "This is Castiel, I'm his roommate, how can I help you."

Charlie thought ok, that will have to do. "Ok. Roommate. Fine. I'm gonna talk fast cause I don't have allot of time so do me a favor and just listen ok. If when I'm done you trust me great! If not, well…I did what I could. So here's the deal Castiel. I know something’s up. I know it because I know Dean Winchester. He DOES NOT miss work and he sure as hell doesn't have Pneumonia. You don’t have to confirm or deny it its fine. I do know it must be something pretty major because he DID miss work. Anyway, there's a problem the big bad Winchester aka his dad is currently on his way out there. To his house. To check for himself. What’s going down. You understand the dilemma Castiel?"

She waited and wondered if he had hung up finally he spoke, "How long ago did he leave?"

She breathed a sigh of relief, "about…ten minutes ago."

"So that gives me fifty minutes  ... give or take?"

She nodded, "yep. Not much time. You got this?"

Silence again... "Oh yea... I GOT this."

Then he hung up.

Charlie looked at the phone. "Not much for chit-chat huh?" Then she pumped her fist in the air, "YES! secretary of the year!"

 

* * *

 

 

Cas was still sitting on the side of the tub when Deans cell phone rang down stairs. He hurried to the kitchen and to the counter and checked the caller id it was listed as **Just Charlie :)** Cas thought that seemed harmless enough so he answered cautiously. 

He hung up the phone after talking to Charlie and looked up at Dean's room. 

A few minutes later Cas came into Dean’s room wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans that he had only buttoned enough to keep on his hips. Dean noticed him, then did the fuck you eyes and attempted to go back to watching his show. Cas walked over without his eyes ever leaving Dean’s. When he got to the bed he got on his knees by the side of the bed and ran his hand up the front of Dean's chest. Dean grabbed his hand and said, "Just stop Cas."

Cas ran his lips up the side of Deans neck and said in his ear "You’re wrong. I don't think you are a pity project. I think you are strong."

Dean growled, "Cas…" but he shifted his hips.

Cas took that as a good sign. He eased his hand out of Dean’s grip. Then he slowly straddled Dean and rubbed his body along Dean’s growing erection. 

Dean looked at him, "You really think I'm strong? No bullshit?"

Cas was telling the gods honest truth when he fisted his hand in Deans hair and said into his ear. "No bullshit. I think you’re strong as fuck." 

Dean didn't see Cas' hand dip into his jeans pocket for a second. Cas came up and kissed Dean. Then he pressed his thumb into Dean’s mouth and Dean hungrily sucked it. Dean sat up underneath Cas with Cas still straddling him. Cas had an almost apologetic look on his face all of the sudden. "I do think your strong Dean…and stubborn...that's why I had to drug you."

Deans Face registered pissed off shock for a second before he passed out. Cas caught his head, "aaaand...night night…" he eased Deans head back to the pillow. 

He jumped off of Dean and looked back at him. Oh fuck…Dean was going to KILL him when he woke up.

But Cas couldn't worry about that right now. He had to get dressed and sit on that porch and wait for Dean's SOB Dad to show up cause NO WAY was he getting in that house.

* * *

 

**Wednesday Afternoon**

Cas sat on the porch in blue jeans a black t-shirt black leather jacket and his black boots. He was wearing his sunglasses and semi-reclining when a black Lincoln town car pulled up. Stepping out was the most intimidating mother fucker Cas has ever seen. He was dressed in a black suit with a black high-collar shirt underneath it. His beard was trimmed neatly to his face and his salt and pepper hair was cut close to the head. He was wearing a pair of shades that cost more than Cas' whole outfit. He walked with the air of a man who had been through a war and came out the other side cold and hardened. Cas steeled his reserve. It didn't matter. He still wasn't getting in this house. 

He walked up to the porch and when Cas stood in front of the door He took off his sunglasses and said, "Who the fuck are you?"

Castiel stood his ground. He crossed his arms over his chest "You must be john Winchester."

John nodded and said with attitude, "yea, and you must be the punk kid who still didn't tell me who the fuck he was."

Cas had known this asshole a total of one minute now and he already wanted to punch him in the face. 

"My Name is Castiel. I'm your son’s new roommate"

"What happened to Sam?"

Cas looked at him incredulously. "He moved out."

John shrugged like he could care less. "Oh yea... Dean mentioned something about that"

John put his sun glasses back on and started walking towards the house, "Well. It’s been nice meeting you Cas-whatever-your-name-is but I’m here to see my son."

He tried to walk around Cas and he stepped more into the doorway (the front door was also locked and cas had the key in his pocket.) 

"I’m afraid that’s impossible, sir. Dean is under quarantine."

John looked like he had been punched in the face. Clearly not many people told him no, "What the fuck did you just say?"

Castiel raised an eyebrow, "I said no."

"I’m going in that house, son."

 Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. "With all due respect sir, you're really not. Let me see if I can make this clear. You’re son is sick. He is under quarantine. That means _No One_ can enter the quarantined area. Not. Even. _You_."

John scoffed. "What about you? I’m sure you go in the house. It can’t be THAT quarantined."

Cas tilted his sunglasses down. "Oh it’s just his room that’s quarantined but… I don’t trust you"

John stepped up to the bottom step. "Yea... Well, I don’t think I believe _you_."

At that moment reinforcements had arrived. A little red convertible pulled up and out jumped Bella in pink scrubs, with blue tennis shoes and a badge that said her name. She even had a clip board with her. She had a light British accent. "Hello Castiel. How's our patient today?"

Cas didn't take his eyes off of John. "Sleeping."

She smiled as if she couldn't cut the tension with a knife. "Alright, I’ll just go in and check on him then…'

Cas touched her arm but still didn’t look away from John. "Bella, why don’t you wait out here a second?"

This was all part of the plan but she played her role beautifully looking a little put out and a little confused. She sat on the porch; essentially adding another block against John trying to rush the door. 

Cas walked down the stairs purposefully causing John to have to step back. "What exactly is the problem Mr. Winchester?"

John was angry and frustrated about being blocked from his goal "The problem is I have a company to run and I don’t believe for a second that Dean is really in that house with Pneumonia!"

Bella spoke up as if on cue and said sweetly, "Oh he is.  I’m afraid you can’t go into his room. He's quarantined."

John stepped away from her so he didn't yell. "Look, I'm not leaving here till I get some answers"

Cas had had enough of this bullshit. He walked over to where only John could hear him and said, "Here's the thing  _sir_ , I really don’t give a  **shit**  about your company. You want answers.. I've got 'em. Heres some answers. Why weren't you called when he got sick? Well… because he is thirty-five years old and so the hospital doesn't need to call his daddy when he gets an illness. Why weren't you informed as his employer? Oh wait! You were informed. He isn't in a hospital because due to events in his youth he has a distaste for hospitals; as I’m sure you can understand. And the way I hear it he hasn't taken a sick day in...Oh…EVER …So I’d say he has accrued a shit ton of PTO; which all in all means it doesn't really matter what the fuck he is doing in that house, it’s his business. As a concerned father? If that’s what you are. Your son is fine and in good hands. To sum up. No amount of bullying or blustering is going to help you today John Winchester. Dean will be back to work when he is better and NOT A DAY SOONER."

John stepped into Cas' face, he even clenched his fist. Cas took off his sun glasses and looked right in his eyes and said, "Just give me a reason."

John backed off he said, "You’re not worth it. You tell Dean I want him back in that office as soon as this quarantine bullshit is lifted."

Cas nodded, "Will do."

And John Winchester- SOB got in his fancy ass car and drove away.

Then from inside the house Cas heard it….

"CAAAAAAASSSS YOU SON OF A BITCH! "

Cas' eyes widened. He looked at Bella and said in one run on sentence as he was walking her to her car, "Thanks Bella you were awesome you can go now bye." He ran to the house and unlocked the door

Standing at the foot of the stairs he thought this is NOT going to be pretty

Cas had taken off his boots and jacket downstairs and locked the door. It was probably going to be a hell of a fight and he really would rather be comfortable (all things considered.)

He poked his head in the door to Dean’s room. He had tied Dean’s hands to the bed post after he fell asleep in case he woke up so he wouldn't come looking for him. As soon as Dean saw Cas he said, "You better untie me Cas. You better untie me and then you better run. Cause I’m gonna kick. Your. Ass."

Cas came the rest of the way into the room and he sat on the little couch that was still next to Dean’s bed. "Ok. I'll untie you. But first I want to explain. I actually do have a REALLY good explanation."

Dean was seething. Gone was the controlled, counting to 10, never yelling, Dean. Oh no. This was the I-have-had-a-hell-of-a-week-and-I'm-done Dean.

"How about, you untie me and I don't throw you down the stairs."

Cas thought about it and then figured he wasn't going to convince Dean of anything until he untied his hands. He leaned over, undid the rope and let it fall. Dean sat up and rubbed his wrist. Then in a flash his hand whipped out and he punched Cas right in the eye. It knocked his head back for a second.

"New rule: You fucking roofie me. You get punched in the face."

Cas shook his head to clear it and touched the tender flesh over his eye. "I can’t believe you just PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!"

Dean put his tongue in his cheek. "Yea well.. I can't believe you roofied me."

Cas got up and got a bottle of Avian out of Dean's mini-fridge and put it to his eye. "It wasn't a roofie. It was a fast acting liquid anesthetic. If you were roofied you would be throwing up right now."

Dean looked at Cas dead-pan, "Gee Cas, Thanks for the consideration. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRUG ME FOR ANYWAY?"

"I was getting to that before you PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!"

Cas lay back on the bed with the bottle of Avian on his eye

"Dammit Dean, I'm a performer. Couldn't you have just gut checked me?"

"And you say I'm arrogant. Let me see it."

"No," Cas slightly turned away from Dean.

"Come on Cas, don't be a baby. Let me see it."

Dean Ended up with half his body draped over Cas' on the bed. He moved the bottle and looked at Cas' face. He ended up brushing some hair off Cas' forehead so he had a better look at his eye. As they lay there, Dean draped over Cas, their eyes locked, it felt good. Dean cleared his throat, "I don't think its gonna be that bad. Maybe a little cover up… the right lighting." He giggled.

Cas moaned mournfully and put the bottle back on his eye. Dean Lay Back on the bed next to Cas. "Seriously though. You said you had a good reason, what was it Cas?"

Cas set the bottle on the night stand and turned his head to look at Dean. "You’re not gonna hit me again are you?

Dean shrugged, "Probably not."

Cas nodded, "Fair enough. OK. But promise you’re not gonna freak out."

"Cas…" Dean growled a warning.

"Ok... your dad came by."

Dean sat up, "What?"

Cas put his hands up, "Remember… you said you weren't going to punch me again."

Dean turned so he could look at Cas. "So wait. What you're telling me is you drugged me, because you KNEW my father was coming over. And you KNEW I would be stubborn and try to deal with him myself. So instead, you knocked me out...and somehow dealt with him YOURSELF? Do I have that right?"

Cas wouldn't meet Deans eyes. He was just taking in slow breaths and breathing out.

"Cas! Is that correct?"

Cas looked up, "Yes."

Dean nodded, "And HOW did you manage this? What was said?"

Cas looked like he didn't want to talk about it anymore, "Dean..."

Dean’s jaw was locked, "You said I was strong Cas. Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me."

Cas sighed, as he talked he looked around the room but not at Dean. He was so worried Dean would be furious at him for talking to his old man the way he did. "I told him… I didn't give a shit about his company and you were more important. How you had never ever taken a day off so you earned your PTO… and basically that he could just deal with it. Oh I also told him you were quarantined and no amount of bullying would get him through the door."

Cas didn't look at Dean. Dean asked what his dad said. "He said he would see u in the office when your quarantine was lifted."

Cas still was looking at his hands when Dean spoke,

"Cas... I am going to kiss you now and I swear to GOD if you stop, drug or interrupt me again, I’m gonna lose it. Ok?"

Cas looked up and smiled. Then he was pressed into the bed by Dean. Dean bit Cas' earlobe and said, “I swear Cas that was the hottest, most fucked up thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Cas didn't say anything, he was pretty sure Dean wasn't messing around about being interrupted. Dean grabbed him by the hair and kissed him hard. He was beyond pent up at this point. Cas' hand slid easily inside Dean's boxers and he cupped his balls in his hand. Cas eased Dean over onto his back and stood up. Cas removed his own shirt and was pulled roughly by his waist band in between Dean’s legs. Dean had sat up and was kissing Cas' stomach as he undid the zipper of his pants. It was like trying to contain a beast. Dean reached inside and pulled out Cas' cock which grew hard almost instantly due to Dean's enthusiasm. Dean licked his lips then ran them horizontally down Cas' shaft. Cas grabbed a hold of Dean’s shoulder. "Fuck...Dean."

Dean immediately started sucking on Cas' cock while simultaneously working it with his hand.

Cas was going to lose his mind and blow his load and he wanted to do a whole lot more with Dean then just get a blow job. But Dean was on a mission and he wasn't supposed to interrupt. There is one interruption though guaranteed to not piss him off and get Cas what he wanted.

Panting he said, "Dean.. I wanna ride your cock."

Dean growled with his mouth still wrapped around Cas' cock. He pulled back and shimmied further on the bed at the same time removing his boxers he said, "Get those fucking pants off Cas."

Cas bit his lip. Damn. He had found the bad boy in Dean Winchester and god damn did he like it.

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean and told him he would be right back. Dean bit Cas' bottom lip and said, "You better be."

Cas was back in no time and he had brought a bottle of lube with him, even that seemed to turn Dean on. As Cas got back to the bed Dean told Cas to give him the bottle. Dean pulled him down on top of him and kissed him while his hand was entwined in Cas' hair. Cas tasted blood from Dean's lip but if it didn't bother Dean he was NOT stopping him again. While Dean Held Cas' body against his and kissed him, he slid one lubed finger into Cas' ass. He gasped. And then moaned. Dean pulled back where he could look into his eyes but Cas couldn't get up. With a look of anticipation Dean slid another finger into Cas' tight opening. Cas's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

Dean whispered, "That's it. You like that, don't you?"

"Yeees...D-Dean."

Dean fingered Cas' hole, getting Cas worked up and holding him still against his body the whole time. Without breaking eye contact. He finally whispered in Cas' ear, "You want more?"

Cas could barely talk already, "I …want…you…"

Dean took him by the hair and looked into his eyes. "Be specific Cas."

"I… want… your cock… in me…"

Dean smiled and released him. He worked extra lube on his cock. He was panting he bit his lip, "Then Ride me Cas."

Cas positioned himself over Dean’s hard Cock. He ached to have him inside. As Deans cock pressed inside; Cas could feel his Ass slowly stretching to accommodate his size. My god he's big Cas thought. He had loosened up to where it was enjoyable after a couple pumps. 

Dean reached down and started stroking Cas' cock while he thrust his hips forward bringing his own cock deeper into Cas' ass. 

"Oh…fuck Cas... Your ass is so tight." Dean was on the brink. He let go of Cas' cock and grabbed his hips. Moaning and panting he said "Cas… Stroke your cock for me baby... I need… need to fuck your ass." 

When Dean grabbed his hips Cas was a goner he threw back his head, "Oh ...god yes… harder...Dean...yes..."

"Cas...stroke your cock...NOW." Dean growled out, "I want you to come for me HARD."

Dean had both hands on his hips thrusting harder and faster into his ass. Cas grabbed his cock and started stroking and his whole body convulsed with the orgasm as cum shot out of the head of his cock Dean came, pumping hot semen into his ass, "Fuuuuck...fuck...f..uck…" 

 

Cas slid off of Dean and shimmied up so he was laying across him. He grinned, "So...you have a serious potty mouth."

Dean blushed, "Shut up Cas."

Cas sat up a little bit, "Wait…so you just fucked me three ways from Sunday and NOW your shy?"

Dean was trying like hell to avoid eye contact, "I just get…carried away okay?"

Cas tilted Deans chin up with his finger so he looked at him. "Yes. It IS ok. It’s actually MORE than okay."

Dean looked away.

Cas turned his head back toward him and kissed him. Dean kissed him back so there was no issue there. "Stop looking away from me please."

Dean looked at Cas, "Okay."

Cas looked at him curiously "Dean... you _Have_...been with a guy before right?"

Dean raised his eyebrows, "Cas? Did that SEEM like I hadn't ever done that before?"

"Well... no. Not at all. But, never mind. Stupid question."

Dean was quiet for a while so Cas just lay there letting him think all this through.

"Not really."

Cas replied, "What not really?"

"It wasn't really a stupid question. You know I'm like REALLY in the closet."

Cas smiled, "Yes. Dean. I know."

Dean looked at him, "Then how did you know?"

Cas just laughed.

* * *

 

**Wednesday Night**

Dean woke up alone in bed. He didn't know what he assumed but he figured he would at least not wake up alone. He heard the shower turn off and Cas came into the room in a robe with a towel draped over his neck. Now that's more like it Dean thought. He smiled at Cas. Cas came over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey. Dean. How are you feeling?" His brow was creased and he seemed concerned. He checked Deans cut on his eyebrow and ran his thumb gently over his lower lip as if seeing if it was bleeding again. 

Dean batted his hands away, "I’m fine. Mooooom."

Cas proceeded to check his leg, "Does this Hurt?"

"Not much. What’s with you anyway?" He grabbed Castiel hand.

Cas looked at him, "Well… we were pretty rough earlier."

Dean nodded, "Yea and I didn't hear you complaining when you were shouting 'harder'."

"Dean…"

Dean let go of Cas' hand a practically shoved it away from him.

"Oh save it Cas! I am so sick of this poor Dean bullshit. I swear Cas, if you hadn't clearly fucked me like a MAN earlier; I would swear you only did THAT out of pity too." 

The room seemed to get silent after that. No one said anything and no one moved for probably a full minute or two.

Then Cas stood up. He took the vicodin out of his robe pocket set it on the night stand. He grabbed a bottle of Evian out of the mini-fridge and set it on the night stand. He turned around and went to leave.

Dean called after him, "Cas... "

He didn't turn around, he just said, "It’s ok, Dean. It’s not 'a thing'." He stood outside his room for a second till he heard the sound of the pill bottle then he went to get ready for work.

***

About an hour later Dean heard the Front Door close

"Cas!"

Bella popped her head in his room, "Oh sorry. Cas left for work. Anything I can help you with handsome?"

Dean stared forward

"No. Thanks anyway."

"Alright, I’ll be just down stairs if you need anything."

"Actually...there is something."

She smiled indulgently. "Anything."

"Could you help me get this damn splint off my leg?"

Bella laughed, "Sure. I think it’s probably okay now."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Sister christian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can you even?

Still Wednesday night

Cas Was behind the bar. He looked at his reflection in the glass. Blue almost grey faded torn levi's, button fly, slung dangerously low on the hips and a white cotton button down shirt with black angel wings emblazoned on the back as usual he didn't bother buttoning it leaving his chest exposed. It got him better tips and the bar was really hot when it got packed. Dean would have both loved and hated this outfit Cas though. Then he shrugged not his problem. He wasn't going to fight Dean every damn step of the way. He understood that Dean was not "out" but for fucks sake he could at least crack that closet door enough to let Cas step inside. It seemed like every time Cas got closed Dean slammed the damn door on him. Well Cas was done. He needed to quite messing around with fucking guys who were clearly unavailable anyway. He wiped down the counter and set up the glasses. Some girl was struggling through _Alanis Morrisets 'you aughta know_ ' on stage and Cas rubbed his brow. It was armature night at the _**Crossroads**_ which meant he had a whole night ahead of him of possible bad singers butchering songs he liked. Occasionally there was a good one and Cas took note of who they were always good to know your competition. As the girl left the stage he heard the first bars to _Night Rangers 'Sister Christian'_ oh.. great. Cas though. Another song I love is about to be butchered forever. Then from the dark He heard a quiet **Beautiful** voice sing

 **Sister Christian, oh the time has come**  
_**And you know that you're the only one**_  
_**To say ....okay**_

Wow. Cas thought. This guy was good. he looked up at the stage. the lights came up and Cas's mouth dropped open. He didn't move. He couldn't have moved if you had paid him a thousand dollars. Up on that stage was Dean. But it was no dean he had ever seen. This dean was wearing a pair of black jean's with a black leather belt slung low the way cas wore them and a black leather jacket and nothing else on top. He had on black motorcycle boots that Cas was pretty sure were his and he has gelled his hair in a messy just been fucked kind of way. His face wasn't completely healed but in that outfit it just sort of made him look like a bad-ass. His eyes came up and he looked at Cas and kept singing. 

 **Where you goin' what you lookin' for**  
_**Don't want those boys**_  
_**To want to play no more with you**_  
_**It's true**_  
  
**You're motorin'**

 _**What's your price for flight?** _  
_**In finding Mister Right** _  
_**We'll be alright tonight** _

Dean smiled at Cas and winked. Cas realised Dean was changing some of the words but he was pretty sure that was on purpose. Cas was so Lost. Dean Had found his weak spot and punched it in the gut. GOD. DAMN that boy could sing.

 **_Babe you know you're goin' way to fast_ **  
**_And got me worryin' that you won't last_ **  
**_To say ....let's play_ **

_Sister Christian there's so much in life  
Don't you give it up before your time is due  
I think it's true and I know it's true_ yeah  
  
  
The music picked up. Dean whipped off his jacket and grabbed the Mic. Cas prayed _dear god give me strength_

 ** _Motorin'_**  
**What's your price for flight?**  
**You've got him in your sight**  
**And drivin' through the night**  
  
**YEA**

 **_Motorin'_ **  
**Night yeah**  
**You'll be alright tonight**  
**We'll be alright tonight**

 **_Motorin'_ **  
**What's your price for flight?**  
**You've got me in your sight**  
**You're just drivin' through the night**

 ** _Motorin'_**  
**What's your price for flight?**  
**In finding Mister Right**  
**We'll be alright tonigh** t

 

The music slowed again and Dean was panting a little and sweat was beading on his chest. It reminded Cas of what he looked like after Sex. Dean licked his lips.

_**Sister Christian,** _

_**oh the** _

**time has come**  
_**And you know that you're the only one**_  
_**To say....**_

_**ok** _

_**But you're motorin'  
** _

_**Yeaaaaaaa** _

**You're motorin'**  
  
The lights dimmed. The crowd went wild. Dean nodded obligingly to the crowd. He walked over and picked up his jacket and tossed it over his shoulder. As he got down from the stage Cas could tell he had a slight limp but that was it. As Dean walked through the tables a few daring women reached up and touched his chest, he smiled but just kept walking. When he got to the bar he turned his head and looked at Cas and said "ill see you at home" Then he walked out of the bar got in his car and drove off. Cas leaned against the back of the bar. FUCK.ME.SLOWLY. Cas thought it was gonna be a looong night.

* * *

 

_*Note: If you want to really experience this look up Jensen Ackles sings sister christian and listen to it while you read that last section._

* * *

 

Very Early Thursday Morning

Cas didn't get out of the bar till close to 2am. So he was surprised when he got to the top of the stairs and heard the shower shut off. _Could Dean still be awake?_ Images of him up on that stage (Cas's stage. In his bar.) Came flooding back. The way those jeans hugged his ass as he all-but straddled that microphone. The blue and black lights reflecting off all that muscled gorgeousness of his chest and that fucking voice. Cas was getting aroused again just thinking about Dean and he hadn't even seen him in the flesh. Speaking of 'in the flesh' The bathroom door came open and Dean came out wearing nothing but a towel draped on his hips. The steam from the bathroom wafting out behind him. Cas swallowed. He wanted Dean. He wanted to take him and fuck him til he begged for mercy.  

Dean spoke breaking Cas from his fantasy " Your home late"

Cas nodded "was a busy night...as you know"

Dean smiled and ran his hand through his hair "yea..I uh..I sing..a little..sometimes"

Cas stepped closer "you sing, a little? Seriously? Baby you do a hell of a lot more then sing a little."

Cas realized his breathing was already ragged. He was close enough to touch Dean and he wanted to do allot more then touch him.

Dean reached out and tugged Cas in closer by the waist of his pants "So you liked it?"

Cas was still holding back even though he didn't want to, but what Dean had said before he left for work had hurt and he didn't want to keep doing that dance. He knew if he touched Dean his resolve would snap. He wanted him too much. Cas took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then he very carefully removed Deans hand from his jeans. and took a tiny step back. "yes. I liked it very much. You have no idea how much... but Dean...what you said before I left last night was... out of line"

Deans Face hardened. It kept surprising Cas how different and how quickly his face could shift from soft to hard with a thought. Dean grabbed Cas roughly by the waist and pulled him back against his body "then prove me wrong Cas"

With their bodies touching Cas didn't have the strength to pull away, he didn't want to. He put his cheek next to Deans just touching his face to Deans Face. His voice sounded pained "How? "

He looked into Deans eyes." If you think ,I think you are weak or I pity you in some way how the Hell do I prove you wrong? "

Dean turned and slammed his hand against the wall he looked back at Cas" you can start by not being so god damn gentle with me all the time! Its not just my injuries. You know I see it Cas. I've seen it since you walked in here. You come rolling up blasting the 'gayest song ever' and yet still manage to take one look at me and think look at that pretty boy with his pretty suits and his 'man purse' and his vanilla latte's and you think your so much tougher cause you can chug some fucking Jack Daniels and pass out naked and have one night stands with random men named FERGY and that shit doesn't bother you. But im not delicate Cas and Im not weak. I can take as much as I give and you KNOW what i can give. So quit pussy footing around, unless that is what you think of me, in which case.. you know where your room is"

Dean turned as if to walk to his room and Cas grabbed him by his arm and slammed his back into the wall. He grabbed his head with both hands and kissed Dean roughly _oh_ _hell yes_ Dean thought _thats more like it_. Dean's towel fell and Cas's hand had gone down and was stroking him getting him hard and ready. Cas's breathing was ragged and his eyes were filled with uncontained lust. He took Dean by the hair and pushed him to his knee's. Deans right knee twinged but he didn't care and for once cas didn't even notice. Cas had unbuttoned his jeans and pulled out his cock. He guided Deans mouth to it hand still in his hair. Dean sucked hungrily taking it all in, his green eyes blazing with lust. Cas fucked his mouth furiously hitting the back of his throat with every thrust.

Dean heard Cas growl "You better get that really wet cause we don't have any lube in this hallway"

Deans cock bobbed in anticipation. Cas put his own fingers in his mouth getting them wet with saliva. When Cas was hard as a rock he pulled Dean up and thrust his tonge into Deans mouth. As he was kissing Dean he begin working and stretching his ass with his wet fingers. He wasn't gentle. He started with 2 fingers. Dean grabbed onto the back of Cas's neck his fingernails raking down his neck and shoulders. " Fuck Cas. Yes. God damn it. Yes" 

Still working Deans Hole with his fingers Cas slammed them against the door jam to the bathroom. He grabbed Deans Jaw with his other hand and made him look at him. Dean was writhing and moaning. "YOU. Are not WEAK. Say it"

Dean was panting " Cas.."

Cas gripped his face harder "Say it Dean"

" Im not weak"

Cas nodded then growled into Deans ear" Thats right your not. And im about to prove it because Im going to FUCK the shit out of you"

"fuck. yes. Cas"

Cas Removed his fingers

He braced his knee against the jam then lifted Dean up jarring him as his back hit the door jam and grabbed his upper thigh to hold him up. Dean put his arms over Cas's shoulders for support. Cas wet his hand and used it to lube up his aching erection. He slid it into Deans loosened hole and Heard him gasp. Cas released some of his hold on Dean sliding him down the length of his shaft till he was buried deep in his ass. He rotated his hips a few times making Dean moan and Cas growl. Then Cas grabbed both of Deans Thighs and proceeded to do exactly what he had promised. He fucked the shit out of him. Dean put one arm behind him higher on the door jam for support and Cas drove deep and hard slamming repeatedly into Dean. Dean was shouting out incoherently and cas was loosing his mind

Cas' voice was deep and commanding"Yes. take it Dean. Oh yea. Take that cock. Take it like a man"

Dean's head whipped back and he came covering both of their stomach's in his juices but Cas had an evil grin as he looked into Deans eyes and continued to fuck him. Increasing speed and panting his eyes locked with Deans

"Cas..." Dean moaned out

"Come on baby... you can handle it" Cas kept going. Rocking inside Dean. Eyes Locked. 

Then it happened, what Cas was pushing for.. Dean growled, low in his throat. he grabbed Cas by the hair Kissed him and started grinding his ass against Cas. Fucking Cas's cock. He pulled back from the kiss and while still violently grinding against Cas' cock he grabbed his hair and growled in his ear "cum in my ass Cas. fucking Cum in my ass"

Cas lost it. He grabbed Deans hips and with a final thrust he pumped his whole Load into Deans ass till it was leaking out and dripping down their legs. He eased out of Dean and slowly set his feet back on the floor. 

Cas's legs and arms were screaming from the exhursion and his jeans were still crumpled up at his ankles held on by his boots but he didn't care that was mind-blowing. 

Dean looked at Cas and then at himself and then he smiled and then laughed "Cas... I think we need a shower"

Cas laughed too and agreed

 

Dean turned on the shower as Cas got undressed and got clean towels. While in the shower Cas realized the strangest thing about Dean Winchester. Apparently, if you fuck him till he can't walk right, he has no problem with the 'sweet stuff'. As they  got in the shower, Dean took the soap (ok so it was that man-bodywash crap but whatever) and lathered it up and much to Cas' pleasant surprise he began rubbing it over Cas' chest. When Cas looked up in surprise Dean just smiled and lightly kissed him then handed him the fru-fru bottle and turned toward the shower sprayer. Cas figured out the bottle and lathered up some soap and ran it oh so gently and lovingly over Deans back and especially over his ass that had been so abused by their rough sex.

He winsed a little and Cas kissed his shoulder and murmered "sorry"

Dean leaned into Cas' chest and kissed the hand that was over his chest "Dont be. It was worth it'

As Cas was washing his face Dean cocked his eyebrow at him "were you wearing makeup?"

Cas looked at him with a what-the-fuck-do-you-think expression "Yes Dean. I was. "

Dean looked clueless "why?"

Cas put his head in his hand for a minute and shook his head then he looked up and pointed at his now clean left cheek "because..sexy... you punched me in the Face"

Dean covered his face with his hands and then laughed

"its not funny Dean" but Cas was smiling too

Dean was still laughing "I'm sorry.. I ..am..makeup.." he kept laughing

Cas pressed him against the shower wall and kissed him "your lucky your hot and good in bed" then he splashed water at Dean

Dean came up behind him and kissed his back and shoulders "im sorry I punched you in the face. Especially because it is such a pretty face"

Cas smiled and turned around. "your forgiven" he kissed Dean

The rest of the shower was spent just washing each other and kissing and Cas thought  _yea, it was worth it._

Nothing was said about all the minor injuries they had given each other in there little fuckfest against the wall, and there were a few. Besides the fact that Dean probably would be walking a little funny in the morning. Cas also had jelly legs and arms. Unlike Dean, Cas didn't hit the gym or workout every day so that was a hell of a work out for him, also Dean had some minor rug burns on his knees and they both had a bit of bruising on their backs from crashing into walls. Cas had a pretty nasty set of scratches starting at his neck and trailing down his right shoulder and Dean had hand print bruising on his shoulder and thighs. And Cas's knee where he had propped himself was red and a bruise was forming there too.But they both silently agreed that every damn last scrape, bruise and post-soreness was well worth it.

They got out of the shower and without really discussing it they both went into Dean's room. Cas lay on the bed and scooted up giving Dean room to lay where he chose. Dean shut off the light came over and crawled up to lay on Cas' chest, wrapping his arms up and underneath Cas so he was holding onto him. Cas pulled the comforter over both of their legs and wrapped one arm around Deans body and one holding his head to his heart. Cas was tired but he didn't immediatly fall asleep. He heard Dean mumble goodnight and he said it back and lay there his hands playing with the soft strands of deans still damp hair. He noticed Dean had fallen asleep and from outside the moon was shining full and bright highlighting all those beautiful features as they had the first time Cas had ever seen dean asleep. It occured to Cas that the moon had been full his first night here which meant there must be 2 full moons in this month, what they call a 'blue moon'. As if on cue Dean snuggled closer and smiled in his sleep and Cas thought _once every blue moon Dean Winchester smiles_. Then Cas smiled and went to sleep.

* * *

 

Thursday 

The time read 11:02 on digital clock Dean had in his wall in his room. Cas had woken up hearing a tapping sound. *TAP TAP TAP* there is was again. what was that? He looked down at Dean who was still sleeping. He had moved in the night and was now curled around his stomach area. That sound was getting louder though.

*TAP TAP TAP* *TAP TAP TAP*

*DING DONG*

Cas eyes widened. shit...someone was here.

Then he heard Sams voice "Dean! Are you in there?" 

"FUCK!" Cas flew out of bed launching Dean with him onto the floor.

"Cas! what.." Deans words were cut off by Cas laying on him with his hand over his mouth

Cas whispered "your brother is here"

*DING DONG*

Jess's voice "Cas...you in?"

Dean threw Cas off of him and jumped up "shit shit clothes.. i need clothes"

Cas was running around Deans room "or at least a robe.."

Dean looked at Cas like he was retarded "Cas.. your standing naked..IN MY ROOM"

Cas looked down "oh yea...shit" Cas ran to his room. On the way to his room he shouted down the stairs "Be right down Jess!"

He ran in his room grabbed a t-shirt and sweats threw them on ran back in Deans room "get in the shower, it will explain why you didn't answer the door" then he grabbed up Deans silk pajama bottoms and a tshirt handed them to Dean and threw him in the bathroom. He shut Deans bedroom door and went down stairs. He heard the shower turn on as he was answering the door.

Taking a deep breath he tried to make his face look innocent. "Hey guys.. what a nice surprise..what time is it?" He stretched for effect

Sam and Jess just stood there for a minute staring at him, then they looked at eachother, then Jess said "we have been knocking for like.. 5 minutes Cas"

Cas ran a hand through his hair "Yea.. Late night at the bar I didn't get to sleep till like..4 am" that wasn't a lie, cas thought

Sam looked at him and Cas felt like he was trying to read more into his words, it was unnerving "did you..run into trouble..last night?"

Cas didn't know what Sam was getting at but he wasn't playing along "uh..nope. pretty standard night. wanna come in. I think Deans in the shower. I heard it as I got up"

They Came in and Cas went into the kitchen

Sam and Jess followed "yea. about that. Any idea why Dean is home at 11am on a Thursday" Sam asked when they got to the kitchen

Cas had his back to them getting out the stuff for coffee he just shrugged.

From behind them they heard Dean's voice "Cause dad is a controlling SOB and I thought I deserved some time off. OK with you?"

They all turned around. Cas's thought was _oh help me mama ._ Dean was NOT in the wrinkled pajamas Cas had thrown at him. He was wearing a pair of pin striped black slacks and he was buttoning up a pale blue dress shirt. He had brushed his hair back into its normal business cut. From the outside he looked as controlled as ever but now Cas knew what was underneath and somehow the contrast made him salivate. He quickly turned around and finished getting down extra coffee mugs for Jess and Sam. Then Started his cup of coffee as it took the shortest amount of time to do.

Sam looked at Dean the same way he had looked at Cas at the front door then he shrugged "yea. That's fine with me. About time too. "

Dean nodded in his I-dont-care-if-it-does-bother-you way and leaned against the counter, arms crossed in front of him "So what brings my wayward brother back around today?"

Cas quickly shimmied away from the counter where Dean was leaning with his coffee in hand and Sat down. As if he hadn't noticed Dean started making his own coffee.

All of the sudden Jess goes "ok.. Im just gonna say it.. Cas what happened to your eye?"

Cas calmly took a sip of his coffee and with a slight smile said "Dean punched me in the face"

Dean turned around slowly with his mouth wide open and his hand gestured out like how-could-you

The sounds in the kitchen erupted as Cas sat calmly and Dean stared at Cas

Sam looked absolutly shocked "Dean...DEAN...my brother..my brother, now-Sam-thats-not-civilized DEAN..punched.you.in.the.face?"

Jess looked at Dean pointing at Cas "you PUNCHED him?"

Cas nodded "in his defense.. I had it coming"

Dean looked at him and said warningly  "Cas..."

Cas shrugged " I drugged him"

Jess's mouth dropped open "CASTIEL!"

Sam sputtered out "You freaking DRUGGED my brother?"

Dean nodded and said defensively  "that is true, he did drug me"

Dean turned Back around finishing steaming the milk for his Latte

Sam asked "ok.. ok.. then what happened to Deans face?"

everything got quiet except the sound of the steam being released from the espresso machine. Dean didn't turn around, but he had to smile when he heard Cas' reply

Cas cleared his throat " I punched him back"

Both Jess and Sam looked at Cas

Jess spoke first "I thought you said you had it coming?"

Cas set down his coffee" I said I had it coming, not that I appreciated it. Come on Jess! Im a performer. I have to wear makeup now till this goes away"

Sam shook his head and Said " Im not sure I even want to ask.. but.. I noticed Dean was limping when he came in the kitchen..."

Jess piped in "Yea..Cas didn't look too steady on his feet either..Dean..Care to interject?"

Cas was out of lies.. shit now what... he felt like either they would have to come clean about the mugging or the sex cause Sherlock and Watson weren't letting up. So Cas couldn't believe it when Dean turned around and standing there in his expensive suit, sipping his fancy Latte and looking every bit sincere that sexy bitch lied his ass off.

Dean Looked at Jess and said "Well. The part Cas didn't tell you is he has shitty aim. So when he decided to punch me back he initially missed and just kind of knocked us both down the hallway. But then he was mad"

Dean walked over to the breakfast bar set his cup on it and winked at Cas.

He turned back to Jess and Sam " So the next swing made contact.. but that wasn't the problem, the problem was we were at the top of the stairs. So we fell, both of us getting pretty banged up on the trip down down. there you have it the whole sordid affair" he picked up his cup in a cheers salute took a sip and grimaced "needs more vanilla'

Sam and Jess both just stood there shocked. Looking from one man to the other. 

Sam crossed his arms over his chest "I can't believe you two. I leave you alone for one week and you beat each other up"

Jess went and sat next to Cas" and you Cas.. drugging someone that's not like you" she shook her head.

Then She saw it " Hey Cas... You have some pretty nasty scratches on your neck here did those come from the fall?"

Dean leaned over on the counter top and put his head on his folded arms, his shoulders shook, everyone looked in his direction, then they heard it

Sam said confused "Dean..are you...laughing?"

Dean sat up and he was laughing, he was laughing allot "whew! look. were fine. right Cas..buddy. we good?"

Cas nodded "yes. were... were fine Dean"

Dean slapped Sam on the back "See! everyone's fine. who's hungry? I say we go out. Cas get dressed. I'll get my wallet"

You didn't have to tell Cas twice to get the hell out of that awkward kitchen. He said "Sounds good, Im starved" and practically ran out of the room to get dressed

Dean clapped his hands together then rubbed them "whelp. ok. make yourself some coffee and.. I'll be back"

Dean left the room

* * *

 

When both guys had left the room Sam sat down next to Jess 

"what in the hell is going on around here?"

Jess smiled "I don't know.. but you can bet your beautiful behind I'm going to find out"

Sam smiled at her "I love you"

* * *

 

As Dean rounded the stair case Cas pulled him into his room and closed the door  and kissed him "Did I ever tell you you are one sexy Mutherfucker"

Dean cocked a smile "Basically, but it never gets old"

then he slapped Cas on the ass "But get dressed. I was serious about that. Now we HAVE to go out with them"

Cas teased "your turning me on right now"

Dean gave him a quick kiss "show me later. right now. get. dressed."

He left the room and hurried to his room to put on shoes and grab his wallet.

* * *

 

Jess was standing at the base of the stairs and saw Dean hurry by from Cas's room to his room as Sam walked up

"Ok, i found that box of CD's we left here, I'll go put them in the truck. What are u looking at?"

Jess smiled "oh. nothing."

Sam could see the wheels in her head turning she looked up with a grin "baby..I think its time to divide and conquer"

* * *

When the guys got down stairs Sam and Jess were waiting in the foyer

Jess spoke "So we figured no sense in taking the truck, I'll just ride with Cas and Sam can ride with Dean. Unless... you two have a problem with that...?"

Actually, they really did. Cas was looking forward to riding in Deans car with him and watching how he handled that machine, but its not as if he could _say_ that. This whole Dean being in the closet thing really sucked. 

Dean spoke up "No, that's cool. Cas you got your keys?"

Cas had them cause they still had the house keys on them from when he had locked Deans dad out. 

"Yea. lets just go Jess" Cas walked out of the house. Jess shrugged and followed

Sam asked "What's up with him?"

Dean shrugged "beats me, lets go "

He thought _Cas is pissed_. But what was Dean supposed to do just burst out the door shouting 'im here! i'm queer!' It wasn't that fucking easy

 

In the Impala heading to the restaurant it seemed quieter then normal. Dean switched on the radio 

_**we can't go on together with suspicious minds... and we** **cant**.._

he turned the station

_**I know.. the secrets that you keep..when your talking in your sleep**  _

he flipped the station again and smiled at Sam

_**He likes boys..finally now its all making sense he likes boys.. i like this guy but** _

"OH come on!" Dean shouted at the radio and shut it off. He looked at Sam "nothing on..i hate that"

Sam nodded like he didn't know what the hell that was about "ok... so anyway. Dean.. how are you?"

"Im actually pretty good Sammy. I think taking a few days off has been good for me"

"Yea. what the hell inspired that?"

Dean shrugged" mostly getting punched in the face and falling down the stairs but.. it turns out it was a good thing"

Sam just shook his head disbelievingly "Dean.. you seem..different"

Dean stopped at a red light straitened a little in his seat, smoothed down his yellow tie, checked his hair in the rear view mirror and looked over at Sam "how so?"

 

Meanwhile in Cas' Van on the way to the restaurant

Cas was grumpy "sorry about the mess, i don't usually have passengers"

Jess was putting on her seat belt when she exclaimed "OH MY GOD! Cas! what the hell happened to your Axe?"

Cas had just pulled away from the curb "what do you mean?"

Jess was looking horrified "what do I mean?? Cas! Your strings are ripped to shreds, your neck is cracked as fuck, and is this...BLOOD? I think it is. You have Blood splattered all over it. Cas what in gods name happened?"

Cas managed to look completely neutral " That's not my guitar"

Jess looked at him like he was either lying or delirious "Yes. It is. you think i don't know your piece when I see it. You love this thing Cas. I have seen it strapped to your back more often then not. THIS IS YOUR GUITAR"

It hurt to think about how right she was but Cas still played it off "Its a replica. Its SUPPOSE to look like my guitar. Its actually an art piece. Its from an ex. apparently depicting what I did to her heart.."

Jess set it down "ew. gross. what was her name, psycho?"

Cas pulled out the first name he thought of "no. it was Meg. "

Jess eyed it "ok.. why do you keep it?"

Cas shrugged "I think its kind of metal. Now can we drop it"

"sure" Jess looked out the window. She was thinking.

 

 

Back in the Impala Deans Map-App on his phone said the nearest restaurant **Garth's Diner** was 2 mile's away. He seriously doubted a place like that had egg white omelets but whatever it was close and this car trip was feeling really long. 

Sam was drumming on the dashboard

"you wanna knock that off"

Sam stopped "Sorry. So. Cas is.. Gay right?"

Dean quirked his brow at the odd question "Mostly'

"Whats that mean?"

"It means mostl.. I don't know Sam, why?"

Sam shrugged " Just curious"

Dean looked at him out of the corner of his eye "you curious about Cas or are you _Curious_?"

Sam looked shocked "what?? no. Im not.. _Curious_. I was just you know. normal, hey so whats up with this Cas guy curious"

Then Sam turned to Dean "are you curious?"

Dean shook his head "no. I already know about Cas"

Deans Map-App Said _1 mile till Garth's Diner_

Sam said " No Dean. What I mean is are you _Curious_... about Cas?"

Dean furrowed his eyebrows "what are you saying Sammy... Are you trying to ask me if I'm gay?"

Sam shrugged "well.. no.. not really.. just you know...mostly??"

Dean sighed "Sam. Need I remind you how many woman I have slept with? Including, I might add, your prom date"

Sam squirmed up his features "yea. thanks for bringing that up dean. Doesn't sting at all"

Dean rolled his eyes. They were thankfully at the restaurant. "She was a gold digger Sammy, I did you a favor"

Dean was backing into a parking space almost in the clear

Sam grumbled "yea, that makes it suck less. NOT"

aaand. parked. yes! Dean patted Sam on the leg "You got Jess now. Much better girl. No hard feelings. Lets eat." 

Dean got out of the car and headed to the front of the restaurant. Sam got out resisted the urge to slam the door and followed.

 

 

Jess hung up her cell phone "ok so they are heading to a place called **Garth's Diner**. I guess Dean picked it"

Cas swung his head around "Dean picked it? Dean hates places like..." He trailed off " Im sure its fine"

Jess was tapping her foot and staring at Cas "ok Cas. Spill it"

Cas kept facing ahead as he drove "I don't know to what your refering"

"Come on! are you doing the bump-and-grind-who's-your-papa with Dean?"

Cas have smiled "I don't even understand that reference"

Jess sat on her knee's facing Cas "Cas. I saw him leave your room this morning after you went to get dressed. Is there something going on with you two?"

Cas didn't make a single reaction. he knew Jess, the slightest hint and she would pounce "Jess. Dean is strait"

Jess sat back in her seat and flipped her hair over her shoulder "you didn't think so"

Cas sighed "were here"

Jess pouted "I know there's something your not telling me Castiel"

Cas grabbed his sunglasses from the glove box "I don't like it when you call me Castiel"

He got out of the Van and put his jacket on. As he walked away Jess noticed his outfit. Black jeans with black motorcycle boots a grey band tshirt and a black leather jacket. She thought, If you didn't know Cas was 'mostly' Gay.. you wouldn't know. Especially when he was in that sort of mood. Jess kicked the van door opened and jumped out and closed it behind her in a huff.

 

Dean heard the van pull up and saw Cas get out. It was like slow motion again but this was a whole different kind of slow-mo. Cas stepped around the front of the van to head toward the restaurant and he tipped his head to the side and slipped his shades on. His jaw was set in a hard line. He put his leather jacket on in one fluid motion while walking. His steps were deliberate and forceful and even though Jess was in the van he didn't look behind him once. It reminded Dean of the hot sex they had had that morning. He took a deep breath. Then he heard Sam.

"uh.. Dean..are you listening to me?"

Dean looked over at sam "yea. what?"

"I said... they're here"

"Yea, i noticed"

Sam put his tongue in his cheek "yea i.. noticed you noticing" he indicated his head toward Cas

Dean looked at him "fuck off Sammy" 

They all walked into the diner and a skinny guy in an overly large cowboy hat said "Howdy ya'll! Im Garth. Welcome. Make yourselves at home. A waitress will be with you shortly."

Dean looked around. Oh my god. He was going to need an entire sanitizing bath by the time they left there.

 

Jess pulled Sam aside "Anything?"

Sam shook his head "No. you?"

Jess shook her head "We will just have to work harder then. Im telling you sweetheart. something is up with those two"

Sam agreed "after the way Dean just looked at Cas, I might have to agree with you"

They looked over at the booth Dean and Cas had there heads close together and were discussing something

Jess shook her head "I just can't figure out why they would hide it"

Sam shrugged "Me either. but you don't know Dean. That man has a schedule for everything, even sleep"

Jess laughed "Bet Cas is screwing that schedule up big time.

 

 

Dean scooted into the booth beside Cas

"Won't they wonder?"

Dean shrugged" not really, they will want to sit beside eachother"

He looked behind him for a second and Sam and Jess seemed to be talking and not immediately coming to the table.

Dean looked at Cas " Do you know how hot you look right now? I almost had a seizure outside when u got out of the car"

Against his will Cas laughed " Dean, this sucks"

Dean put his hand on Cas' thigh under the table "I know. Im sorry"

Caas shook his head "I haven't been in the closet since freshmen year of college"

Deans hand slid further up "i'll make it up to you"

He noticed Jess and Sam coming over and moved his hand.

Before they got to the table Cas said "Fine. Then your ordering a cheeseburger" he set down the menu he had been reading.

Dean looked horrified "do you have any idea the amount of Trans Fat in one of those?"

Cas looked at him challenging "And pie"

"Cas.."

Just then Jess and Sam got to the table they both were smiling. Sam picked up a glass of water and Jess picked up a menu "So, anything look good?"

Cas looked at Dean and smiled "Deans getting a Cheesburger.. And Pie"

Sam spit his water all over the place

* * *

 Back at the house Sam and Jess said goodbye and thanked Dean for lunch. Even if Sam had spit water on the waitress. They both kept dropping really weird hints about how Dean or Cas could tell them ANYTHING and how they would 'understand' etc. They were just glad to finally get rid of them. Once Dean made sure his brother and Jess were really and truly gone he went to find Cas. He owed him for the lunch Cas made him eat. He would never admit it was REALLY good, especially the pie. But he was going to have to work out for a week strait to burn that fat back off. Not that he wasn't getting a pretty good workout recently but he had to go back to work tomorrow too. He found Cas in his room. It occurred to Dean that Cas had been living there for a week and he had never seen his room.  He had posters of different musicians playing guitar, some black light posters, a lava lamp, a black light on the wall, He had 4 milk crates on their sides with vinyl records in them and sitting on top was a record player. Cas' bed was the biggest bean bag Dean had ever seen and it had a white fuzzy comforter. Above his bed was a disco ball that projected stars instead of circles when it spun around. Dean shook his head, There were never two less alike people. In the Corner Cas had a black rod iron futon with a black futon mattress against the wall like a couch and his music equipment was set up around it. That's where Dean found him. He was asleep. His arms were cradled around a guitar the way some would hold their child. The problem was, Dean recognized this guitar, it was the one Cas had used to defend him the night he was almost mugged. Dean knew the look Cas had on his face, it didn't have to make sense, it was how he felt about his Impala and he realized Cas had smashed up his "baby" to protect Dean. Dean came over beside Cas and kissed his forehead. Cas opened his eyes. 

Dean whispered "Hey.. don't get up. I just wanted to let you know I'll be right back." He gave Cas a kiss and left his room.

* * *

 Thursday Night

Cas was starting to get a little worried. It was 6 o'clock meaning Dean had been gone for almost 4 hours already. Cas had tried his Cell phone but it just rang on the kitchen counter. Dean must have accidentally left it here. Cas was just thinking about going out to look for him when Dean came through the door. Cas was sitting at the bottom of the steps. He got up and slowly walked over to Dean "are you hurt?"

Dean had the uh-oh Im in trouble face "no..."

Cas nodded "you forgot your Cell phone"

Dean checked his pockets "oh..shit'

Cas grabbed Dean by the lapels of his coat "I could punch you. I really could. You scared the shit out of me"

Dean reached up and took Cas' hands " Im sorry." He looked at Cas till he made eye contact "Ok? I'm sorry" Then he kissed him "But I have an excuse, and its a good one. So.. can you go to your room for a minute. please?"

Cas raised his eyebrow "this better be a damn good excuse. And maybe some leather thrown in for good measure"

Dean smiled as Cas stomped up stairs and he heard his door close.

 

A few minutes later Cas' bedroom door was opened and Dean said "ok, now..close your eyes"

Cas did "they are closed Dean. Waiting for this 'excuse' "

"almost.. ok..open them"

Cas opened his eyes sitting in front of his was a black guitar case with white angel wings on it. Down the center of the wings was his name CAS written lengthwise. Cas smiled and ran his hand over it. "This is really sweet Dean"

Dean sat down on the futon next to Cas "Thanks. Now open it"

Cas looked at him "I thought the gift WAS the case?"

Dean laughed "uh..no..that would be lame. Open it."

Cas opened the case and took a sharp intake of breath "is this... is this.. the limited edition Robby Krieger 1954 Replica Les Paul Custom Electric Guitar?"

Dean put his hand on Cas's back "Yea, uh..I think so. Look. I know its not YOUR guitar. And no piece of shit $9,000 Replica could ever replace my baby if something happened to her but, I don't know... I guess I just wanted you to know..I get it... I get what you did... for me. And this is just my way of saying thank you..."

He handn't actually looked over at Cas through his whole speech. Hadn't seen the way he lovingly ran his hand over the finish. He didn't see him lift the guitar from the case and cradle it. 

He ran his hand through his hair. "..fuck it..I dont know how to do this" He got up to leave Cas' room.

"Dean..."

He looked back. Saw Cas holding the guitar in his arms like it was the most precious gift in all the world. He gently lay it back in its case and walked over to Dean. Cas was at a loss for words "No one has ever...In my life... no one has ever done anything.... like this for me" He touched Deans face, staring into those beautiful green eyes, his hand slid gently through his hair and rested on the back of his neck. He kissed him in a way he hadn't before. Wrapping his arms around Deans neck, he kissed him slowly and passionately. Dean wrapping his arms around him and kissing him back was almost like a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Dean pulled a little back a question of concern in his one word "Cas..?"

Cas realized he was crying. He also realized Dean truly didn't understand that that wasn't a horrible thing and that everything was ok. He wiped the tears from his eyes "Its ok Dean. Im just really.. overwhelmed right now. And, happy" he smiled

Dean smiled "Im good with happy"

Cas closed the door behind Dean and pulled him into the room. He shut off the light so only his stars were shining. He led Dean over to his bed and slowly he removed his shirt button by button.running his hands up his chest as the shirt came off he kissed his shoulders, then his chest, then his stomach. He leaned back and untied his shoes, slipping them off, then his socks. Cas knelt on the side of the 'bed' and started to undo his pants Dean stopped him "Baby. You don't have to.."

Cas pulled him down to the bed, he lay across his body and kissed him. "I want to."

Dean shifted so Cas was below him and his arms were wrapped around his body and kissed him like he had never kissed a single soul in his life. Dean realized on some level he would have to admit this was a hell of alot more then an experiment with Cas, that he was actually having 'feelings', but in that moment the only ones he cared about were the feel of Cas in his arms. The feel of their bodies intertwined. The feel of Cas' lips kissing him in all the right places. 

Dean looked down on Cas lying there looking amazing "Cas...dont get me wrong, I am _lovin_ this, but uhm...whats with the sudden seduction scene"

Cas looked up at his with lidded eyes and said "its just my way of saying..I get it.. ok"

Deans smile was so soft it was almost tender "ok"

He let Cas take his pants off and as he was lying sideways Cas took him into his mouth. Dean shifted Cas's body so it was perpendicular to his and he proceeded to peel off his boxers. Cas pulled back from his erection "Dean.."

Dean slid his hand down Cas' thigh " its ok baby, go back to what your doin" 

As Cas continued to suck on Dean getting him more aroused, Dean shifted Cas so he could put him throbbing into his mouth. He moaned when he finally got a taste. Cas reached down and ran his hands through Deans hair as he shifted his hips in response. Dean knew Cas loved it when he sucked on him.  A couple moments later and Cas released Dean's cock  from his mouth " god..Dean..Damn it..your too good at that" he heard and felt Dean chuckle sending ripples of pleasure through him. Cas eased away from Deans mouth. "Awe.. I was enjoying that..."

Cas was lying on his back, he pulled Dean down with his foot hooked behind his back. Dean was on his knee's. Then he slid his legs over the top of Deans. It shifted Dean so he was positioned just over Cas' opening. Cas reached up and pulled Dean in for a kiss "Yes.. but I think you might enjoy this more.." He reached beside the bed and pumped some lube into his hand and then massaged it onto Dean. 

Dean's resolve was snapping "fine.. but were going slow. Im going to make love to you if it kills me.."

Cas wondered if Dean had any idea what he just said...probably not. "ok Dean.. we'll go as slow as you like"

Dean slowly slid into Cas while watching him the whole time. Cas took in sharp gasps of air but that was more from the emotion of it all then any pain. But Dean didn't know that. When he had pulled out and then ever so slowly eased back in again and leaned over to kiss Cas and Cas had gasped again Dean whispered against his lips " you ok?"

Cas thought except for my heart which you are currently breaking... "yea.. im good"

Dean then whispered "come here" and sat  Cas up with Dean sitting up underneath him. Dean kissed Cas and with one arm wrapped around his body and the other wrapped around his shoulder and head he slowly continuously rocked his hips inside of Cas. Kissing his the whole time.

As Cas rode Dean in the most intimate position and was held wrapped up in his arms and kissed passionately he looked down at Dean and knew Dean had succeeded. Weather he realized it or not. He was making love to Cas.

It only picked up pace slightly at the end and even that was filled with pounds of passion. Cas felt his orgasm mounting, his breath hitched, "dean..."

he grabbed deans shoulders

"I know Cas...Hold on baby" Dean increased speed and pressed Cas harder into him his breathing ragged he said "now cas... now.."

Cas released with just a whispered oooh...god. and just gripped Deans shoulders almost painfully

Dean released at the same time nearly crushing Cas with his arms around him and only saying his name "Cas...."

Deans head dropped onto Cas' shoulder, Cas' arms went around Dean they both sat there for a minute shaking.  Finally Cas slid off and Dean straitened his legs and pulled Cas back over on top of him. When he touched his face it was wet. Dean tilted Cas face up to look at him and his eyes were glassy. "what did i do?" he asked concerned

Cas touched his face "nothing bad"

Dean looked confused" but your..crying..I dont understand'

Cas shook his head "I know you dont Dean. Its ok. I promise. Everything is perfect."

Dean was still confused but Cas was one tough SOB so if he said it was fine, Dean believed him. he pulled him close and kissed the top of his head. "goodnight Cas, Im glad you like your guitar"

Cas laughed quietly "I love it. more then you know Dean. goodnight"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. All The Small Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im just...sorry. *warning* ANGST

Friday morning

Dean stood in the doorway of Cas' room watching him sleep. He was dressed for work in a charcol grey Ralph Lauren suit with a white button up and a blue tie. He had his laptop case with him which felt heavier then usual and his stainless steal coffee mug with Vanilla latte. He was ready. Why was it then that he couldn't bring himself to leave. It was 6am so he didn't want to wake Cas but he really didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. So he stood there, Leaning against the doorjam, staring into Cas' room seconds, then minutes ticked on, and he watched him sleep. 

"Screw this" he finally stood up and got as far as the stairs before he looked back and sighed with frustration

"son of a bitch" he walked back over and stood in the doorway.

Finally he heard Cas sleepily say "Dean..just kiss me goodbye and go to work. You make everything so hard on yourself" He yawned and rolled over to look at Dean standing in the doorway dumbfounded

"you were awake?"

Cas smiled sleepily "probably not the whole time, but your muttering and pacing back and forth sort of woke me. now come here"

He reached out his hand to Dean

Dean walked over and knelt beside the overly large beanbag Cas called a bed "you could have told me you were awake" he pouted"

Cas just smiled and stretched out "tell you what, we'll fight about it later. Your gonna be late for work. By the way, you look amazing.. in that.. I wanna tear your clothes off and see whats hiding underneath.. kind of way" and he winked

Dean shook his head but laughed "dont you dare, this is a Ralph Lauren" Then he leaned over and kissed him and Cas pulled him into the bed

He said teasingly " and you ask how I knew you were gay?" he laughed

Dean frowned "i'm not exactly 'gay' Cas"

Cas ignored the obvious YOUR IN BED WITH A GUY and just said " i know baby, I was kidding. "

then in complete contrast to Deans statement he rolled Cas under him kissed him again and said " I hate that I have to leave you here all day..alone"

Cas pushed Dean up " I know, but you do and your wrinkling your suit and your going to be late. Ill see you later. I L.."

Dean had started heading for the door "you what?'

Cas froze "I uh.. I Leave... for work early today. "

Dean nodded "ok Cas, call and let me know when"

Dean left the room Cas flopped back down on the bed "Fuck"

 

* * *

 

Dean was driving into work feeling the weight of his responsibilities drop back on him. He wore his suit like an armor against the world. He straitened his shoulders. He put on his shades. he was cool. He was calculated. He was...really fricken bored. He turned on the radio

**Come on, come on, come on**  
Come on now touch me, baby  
Can't you see that I am not afraid?  
What was that promise that you made?  
Why won't you tell me what she said?  
What was that promise that you made?

He shrugged ok.. he could dig it..

**Now, I'm gonna love you**  
Till the heavens stop the rain  
I'm gonna love you  
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I

Next thing Dean knew he was singing along

**Come on, come on, come on**  
Come on now touch me, baby  
Can't you see that I am not afraid?

 

He drove on. Not giving a damn that his window was open or his hair was getting mussed or that he was blasting something Cas would probably listen to. 

****

All too soon he reached worked. He had already parked Baby in her normal garage and promised her he would be back for her as soon as he could. He stood outside that tower of glass and looked up at the Empire that would one day be his and he felt... Nothing.

***

As Dean exited the elevator he saw his secretary Charlie rushing toward him. She grabbed him by the arm and shifted him away from the main hallway to an alcove. 

She was smiling "So...did I do good?"

Dean looked at her confused "do. good. with..what?"

She punched him playfully in the gut "oh come on Boss.. like giving your roomy the heads up about your pops wasn't the right call"

Deans eyes widened

She put her hands on her hips and stage whispered "oh come on, you did not ACTUALLY have pneumonia. I did you a favor. so.. secretary of the year right!"

she put her hand up for a highfive

Dean looked around and pulled her further into the alcolve "ok. Charlie. you're telling me you called my roommate.. Cas. and TOLD HIM my dad was coming down and you two concocted that scheme to make sure i wasn't seen. How much did Cas fricken tell you?"

Now Charlie looked confused "what scheme? why shouldn't you have been seen? what should he have told me?"

She had answered without answering. he smiled "nothing. good job. yes Charlie. Secretary of the year." He straitened his tie and proceeded the walk away

She did a dance behind him "yes..oh wait shoot" she ran after him

"one more thing. Mother bird is in the nest. and sqwaking" she winked at him

He shook his head "charlie I have no idea what that means"

"Oh ok sorry. your dad is here. and .. pretty pissed. "

He patted her on the shoulder "thanks Charlie, you really are the best"

She beamed

***

Dean straitened his tie, ran his hand through his hair, stood up strait _come on Dean, head in the game_  He told himself. He walked down the hall toward his dads office

Then he heard a Female voice "Dean Winchester, you are a sight for sore eyes, and what a fine site you are too"

He turned abruptly "Anna! what are you.."

She had come up and given him a hug so he hugged her back

He tried again "What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since college"

She grimiced "yea... Im sorry about that. I should have never left you for Raphael, He was bad news"

Dean though leave it to Anna to just toss their dirty laundry into the office pool. Although it had really pissed him off at the time, Dean hadn't had any real feelings for Anna, truth be told he hadn't had any REAL feeling for anyone..before. "Hey. It was over a decade ago Anna. water under the bridge. So, whats new?"

Anna stepped into Dean and put her arms around his waist. She slightly pouted. "Well. honestly. I've missed you. Who could forget those blue eyes of yours"

Dean stepped back and removed her arms "My eyes are.. uh.. actually green, Anna. But uhm.. yea..Its been nice but"

Just then the door to his dads office opened up "Dean! Can I see you in here for a moment?"

Dean thought _out of the frying pan into the fire_ "Yes sir, right away. Sorry Anna..duty calls"

She smiled sweetly "Take your time.. Ill wait"

_oooof course you will. could this day get anymore suck?_ Deans inner monologue grumbled

He came into his Dads office, or should he say his 'temple of glass' If it was made from some type of Glass it was in that room. Like his father liked the idea that he had the ability to destroy everything around him but CHOSE not to. From the Tifiny lamps on his desk to the crystal decanter set on the mirrored back bar. Even all of his book shelves were glass to display every facet of every side of the book, ironic for a man who judged everyone by their cover. Dean Sat down in the high back leather chair across from his fathers black glass desk. 

He didn't speak first. _Never tip your hand_. his old man had taught him that and as he sat across from him he used that tactic.

John Winchester leaned on the desk steepling his fingers "how are you son?"

ok, that caught Dean off guard, he cleared his throat "Better. Sir"

His dad nodded "good. I trust you enjoyed this time off?"

Dean just looked at him and waited for him to say more. His dad came around the desk and sat on the edge of it. "ok Dean. Im gonna cut the crap. I saw you talking to Anna Carver out there. Now I know you two used to have a history but son.."

Dean interjected "It won't be a problem sir"

John nodded "That's good. Because her father just acquired the building next door and, to be frank, I want it. Not now mind you. But.. Id like it in the family. Do you understand what i'm saying son?"

Dean sat up and unbuttoning his coat he leaned forward a little. Hoping he was misunderstanding. "I'm not sure I follow sir"

John sighed "Dean. You already have a history with Anna. You two were college sweethearts. Whats the harm in rekindling an old flame and maybe eventually merging Winchester House with Carver co. "

Deans eyes widened "With all due respect sir.. you want me to marry her??"

John laughed "no, no no, I mean. . Just.. take her to lunch today."

His dad had gone around to his desk and sat down as if the matter was settled. Dean was flabbergasted he tried to argue the point calmly " The thing is, sir. Anna and I were a thing 13 years ago. Until she dumped me for some douche bag. Now you want me to what? Forgive her?"

John looked at him like he was making a very important point " no. Look Dean, Take her to Lunch. If your 'lunch' goes over, I'll understand" and the SOB winked

Dean stood up. He leaned on the desk. He was boiling. He said very quietly " are you telling me, you want me to _prostitute_ myself to give you better business leverage?"

His father didn't even look at him. He was writing entries in his leather appointment book "Dean. Don't be dramatic. I expect that from your brother but not you."

Dean closed his eyes "Dad. please don't"

He stopped writing " Fine, how about this. You sleep with countless woman all the time and I'm sure Anna has already made the list. Its not like It would kill you to sleep with her again" He started writing again

Dean ran a hand through his hair _Never loose your cool_ rule #2 in the John Winchester play book. He took a deep breath and counted down from 10. 

"It would be.. inconvenient for me SIR. Since I'm seeing someone"

John set down his pen on his book and looked up 

"is that so?"

Dean nodded "Yes, that's so"

"Does this 'someone' have a name?

"Cas"

His dad leaned back in his chair "I see... Well, I'm sure It wont kill you to spend one afternoon with Anna, since I have never even heard of this Cas woman before"

Dean buttoned his coat "Of course sir. Ill see myself out."

John nodded " Son. Glad to know you will still put the company first ahead of anything else"

Dean swallowed " Yes. sir"

* * *

Friday Lunchtime

Deans dad had booked him a reservation at the Four seasons restaurant. He was sure if he checked there would be a reservation for a room too. He didn't check. He and Anna sat by the window. It had an amazing view of the city. _Ive gotta take Cas here some day_ Dean thought. Then kicked himself. What was wrong with him? Sure Anna had screwed him over a million years ago, but she was still cute and Dean had a free ticket to play hookie from work as long as he got a little action with Anna on the side. So why was the thought alone giving him nausea? 

Anna looked around "This place is beautiful"

Dean nodded "yea.. I hear the food is good. waiter could I get something alcoholic?"

The waiter nodded "of course sir. we have a full bar. what would you like?"

Dean had no clue. He rarely drank anything besides wine and the occasional beer with Sammy

"Uhm.. ill have Jack Daniels with coke please"

The waiter smiled "a jack and coke it is sir"

Anna looked at her watch "A bit early for alcohol isn't it?" she laughed a little

Dean shrugged "Is it? I've heard that after noon its ok"

She laughed "oh well Carpe diem I guess. So, you have come a long way from the Dean I knew in college. You still have that sexy Impala?"

She got his attention "Oh yea. I'm never getting rid of my baby. She's the best damn thing in my life"

Anna laughed again and reached across the table "I forgot you called your car "baby". You remember I lost my virginity in that car?" She had slid her hand to cover Deans and was rubbing circles on his wrist with her finger tips

Dean jumped up bumping the table and splashing some water out of the glass onto her "oh I.. Im sorry.. i'll be right back"

 

***

 

Cas had actually not lied to Dean. Turns out he got called in to do a mid-day set as a favor to the boss LU. The performer that was scheduled called last minute to cancel and they were screwed if Cas didn't fill in. So Cas pulled on his black leather jeans, black boots, black button down and grabbed his leather jacket in case it got cold. He took his Guitar which dean said he had to call "baby2" and lovingly put her in her case and went to work. He was just coming in when his phone phone went off. The ring tone to sister christian played - it was dean

"Hello Dean" Cas smiled

Deans voice sounded forced "Hi cas. what are you doing?"

"Actually I just got to work, I was going to call you and let you know when I had put my stuff away"

"yea... " Dean growled "what are you wearing?"

Cas looked at the phone then put it back to his ear "you sure you want to know?"

Dean sighed heavily "no..probably not. so.. Cas.. remember how you said you were MOSTLY gay"

Cas laughed "yea"

"ok so.. that means that sometimes you sleep with women right? Like, I mean, you MIGHT sleep with a woman but more then likely if you were gonna have sex with someone it would be a guy. right?"

Cas was thoughtful " well.. It wouldn't be EITHER currently."

"yea? why?"

Cas sighed and shook his head "because i'm currently sleeping with you"

"oh"

Cas set down his shit " oh?"

"uh.. yea..oh.."

Cas beckoned a shot from the bar tender, took the shot, " Dean. .."

Cas wasn't sure what he was gonna say he signaled for another shot and downed that too.

then Dean said "Cas.."

and it occured to Cas he didn't want to know what was gonna be said

Cas interrupted "hey..baby..I gotta set up. Ill talk to you later ok."

Dean was quiet " ..... ok Cas....bye"

Cas hung up

He lay his head on the bar for a minute and heard a familiar British voice say "trouble in paradise?"

He sat up and smiled "Fergy. Buy me a drink"

Ferg pulled up a bar stool " Now Nightingale, what good would that do? I'm told I get the pleasure of hearing that beautiful voice today and Id rather you not be sloppy drunk while singing"

Cas sighed "No. Your right. Wouldn't help anyway. "he laughed self deprecatingly

Ferg cocked his head "Really now.. did something happen with your friend?"

Cas shrugged "Truthfully I don't know. But that's the thing isn't it. You don't GET to know anything with Dean Winchester oh no it just.." he trailed off because ferge looked like he had seen a ghost and been punched in the gut at the same time.

Ferg shook his head as if he didn't believe what he just heard "did you say Dean Winchester?"

He closed his eyes 'oh my Nightingale. How many varying ways can you find to break my heart?"

Cas turned to him "you normally say that in jest, but this time you seem... serious"

Ferge smiled sadly " Do me a favor. Just be good to him. No man needs love more and no man pushes it away harder"

 Cas didn't like this conversation " you say that like you **know**."

Ferge finished his drink and then he turned Cas bar stool so they were facing eye to eye " I'm going to give you 2 pieces of advice and after I hear you sing one last time, I will walk out that door and never look back.  I want you to _strongly_   consider these two things. The first is NEVER tell Dean about you and I. If you see me out and about, pretend you do not know me. The SECOND don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to. Now. That being said, I know your not feeling very generous but seeing as it will be the last time I get to hear you sing, can you sing the song you were playing the night I met you?"

Cas just looked at him "the Leonard Cohen one?.. yea ok"

Ferge got up and kissed his cheek, was there a tear running down his face? " Thank you, beautiful Nightingale." He went over to one of the tables in the back and Cas went to set up.

 

***

Dean hung up the phone with Cas he didn't know what he was going to do. The waiter found him on his way back to the table and discreatly slipped him a room card with a note from his father telling him to "have fun"  Dean downed the drink. He went to the table and Took Anna by the hand. He didn't say anything as he led her to the elevator and didnt speak as he gt to the floor the room was on. He was shaking. He figured she would chock it up to nervousness so it would be fine. He tried to open the door to the room and the stupid card key thing wouldn't work. He tossed it on the ground. Then Anna kissed him. She pressed her body against his in the hallway and tried to open the door behind him. Dean freaked. He pulled her away fom him.

"Anna! Im sorry... I cant do this.."

Anna tried to approach him "its ok if your not ready Dean "no Anna.. not now.. not ever" 

He handed her the room key " Enjoy the room. I hear it has an amazing view"

Dean got the fuck out of that hotel. All he could think about was how he couldn't believe he almost did that to Cas and now he had to go home and explain why he was kissing some skank in the hallway of a hotel cause noway was he keeping that shit from him.

***

 

Cas Sat on the stage on a stool with Baby2 in his lap. He had informed the band of the change in the first number and he was ready. It was a slow, melancholic sound, with just the right dose of pain. Cas used to play allot of stuff like this. maybe it was just the right medicine for his mood at the moment.

**I saw you this morning.**  
You were moving so fast.  
Can’t seem to loosen my grip  
On the past.

**And I miss you so much.**  
There’s no one in sight.  
And we’re still making love  
In My Secret Life

*Cas felt tears forming in his eyes*

_**I smile when I’m angry.** _

**I cheat and I lie.**  
I do what I have to do  
To get by.

**But I know what is wrong,**  
And I know what is right.  
And I’d DIE for the truth  
In My Secret Life

**Hold on, hold on, my brother.**  
My Lover, hold on tight.  
I finally got my orders.  
I’ll be marching through the morning,  
Marching through the night,  
Moving cross the borders  
Of My Secret Life

*Cas looked up and ferge pressed 2 fingers to his lips and then saluted him and walked out of the Bar*

_**I Looked through the paper.** _

**Makes you want to cry.**  
Nobody cares if the people  
Live or die.  
And the dealer wants you thinking  
That it’s either black or white.  
Thank God it’s not that simple  
In My Secret Life

**I bite my lip.**  
I buy what I’m told:  
From the latest hit,  
To the wisdom of old.  
But I’m always alone.  
And my heart is like ice.  
And it’s crowded and cold  
In My Secret Life.

_**In My Secret Life.** _

_**In My Secret Life.** _

As Cas' heart broke in a dive bar across town Deans whole world was crashing down in the city

*** 

As Dean got out of the Taxi there were paramedics and fire engines blocking the street. _What the hell was going on?_

Dean took the elevator up to his floor and when he exited there was more commotion. His heart started racing and blood started pumping in his ears. He didn't know why, but he knew. He ran, pushing people out of the way, full tilt, down the hall. The door to his fathers office was opened there were to many people in the way

"move! get out of the way!"

"sir you'll have to stay back"

"thats my father"

"sir I'm sorry, you'll need to stay back"

Dean got close enough he could see his father lying on the floor. They wouldn't let him closer. He sank to his knee's. His dad's shirt was ripped open. He was going numb. All other people and sounds faded all he could hear was the defibrillator *WHINE* CLEAR *THUD* ...SILENCE...*WHINE*  CLEAR *THUD* ... SILENCE... he couldn't even tell you how long that went on. 

He sat there on his knee's as they called time of death. He didn't move as they wheeled his fathers lifeless body by him. Someone far away voice told him it was a heart attack. The blood on the white carpet came from him hitting his head on his desk when the attack hit. No one heard anything in the office at lunchtime, everyone was out except John. He assumed someone must have sent everyone home for the day because it got quiet as he sat there on his knee's staring into his dad's office. Staring at the place he had been. Charlie had tried to talk to him at one point before leaving he just muttered not taking his eyes off the carpet "go on home charlie. Everythings fine." He noticed it got harder to see the spot of blood where his dad had hit his head when he fell. It was getting dark outside and the overhead lights hadn't been turned on. Dean thought of all these things in a secondary sort of way. Nothing was real. This day. That spot. The other thing he wouldn't think about. He tried to stand and the room swam. He fell back to his knees. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone and hit send. It called the last number he had dialed.

"Dean...are you ok?"

"Cas...I need you..." he trailed off

Cas' voice was so strong. It didn't sound far away like everyone else's

"where are you?"

Dean looked around as if unsure for a minute " im..at work...Cas... take a cab please...I cant drive"

"Im on my way. stay. there."

"k" Dean hung up and continued to stare at the spot.

* * *

 

Friday night

Cas hung up the phone. Dean was so very very not ok. He was still at work but couldn't drive and admitted he couldn't drive. Cas called a cab when he hung up he did something Dean might kick his ass for later he called Sam

Sam answered the phone "Cas! hows Dean?"

That wasn't a good sign Cas thought " I'm going to get him from work now. why?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"no. what happened?"

"Shit Cas. this is bad. 

"Sam. what happened?"

"His dad..well OUR dad died.. today.. at work"

Cas was furious "oh jesus christ! and noone thought to call me and inform me of this? "

"uh.. no..not really Cas... should we have?"

Cas realized. of course not why would anyone even KNOW to inform him

"no. sorry Sam. I just meant. we know how close Dean was to him so.. I would have liked a heads up Of course you wouldn't have thought of it your grieving too. Im so sorry Sam"

"No its ok Cas. I said goodbye to my dad years ago. it hurts but.. only in that I wish he would have been a better man kind of way"

"k. well Sam, my taxi is here. I have to go now. I'll keep you informed about Dean. Thanks for the heads up"

"Thanks for looking out Cas"

***

When Cas got to the Winchester Place he didn't waste time with the guards he just told them Dean Winchester personally sent for him to take him home. They assumed he was his driver since Cas had had the good sense to throw on slacks and a white button up instead of his normal attire. They instructed him which floor he could find Dean on and as he exited the elevator he wasn't quite sure what he would find. What he didn't expect was to look down the long hallway and see one solitary figure on his knee's in near darkness. He approached him cautiously as he reached him he touched his shoulder and Dean looked up almost surprised someone was there.

"Cas..?"

"Hi Dean... Lets get you home"

For all his life Cas wanted to drop to his knee's right there and wrap his arms around Dean and protect him from the cruelties of Life. But Dean wouldn't have appreciated that. He had put allot of faith in Cas to reveal that he was not able to drive Cas couldn't make him feel weak now and Dean was not yet ready to accept that grieving was weakness. Cas could see by the haunted look in his eyes, that Dean might not even be able to accept the object of his grief yet. So Cas put one arm under Deans and pulled him up. He seemed to have a hard time walking and Cas thought that was the trouble with being the boss, no one told him he HAD to move today, so he probably didn't. God, how long was he like that? So many questions. No answers. Luckily Cas remembered where Dean kept baby so he wouldn't have to tell him. As they exited the building and cas was putting Dean in the car a red head came up

"is he ok?"

Cas replied "yes, he just need to go home and sleep"

"ok, Im Anna I was.. with him earlier... your sure he's ok?"

Cas was thinking about how long he had been sitting in that building "when earlier?"

" right before.. oh god its all just so horrible.."

"and what time was this?"

"oh uhm...about...1 oclock at the 4 seasons.. are you a detective or something?"

Cas was going to be sick it was right about that same time Dean called him " No. I'm his... ....Friend. Have a nice night .. _Anna_ "

He didn't wait for her to say more he got in the cab and gave them the directions to Deans car. He wouldn't think about Anna or what Dean was doing with her at a 5 star hotel when he was asking Cas the definition of cheating. That would be put in the **OTHER** file to be dealt with when Dean's life wasn't a freaking nightmare. Currently he was doing the math.  

_So lets say it was 2:00 when his father died, its 7:00 now, those fucking assholes left MY Dean sitting on his knees staring at nothing for FIVE HOURS! And where the hell was this Anna chick?_

Cas' hated corporate SOB's. He brushed the hair from Deans forehead and kissed it. They got to the Car and Dean handed Cas the keys and got in the passengers side.

As Cas got in he heard Dean talking "its ok baby. this nice man is gonna take real good care of you or daddy's gonna punch him in the face again"

Dean then leaned back in the seat and looked like he was already starting to fall asleep. Cas smiled a little. At least some things stay the same. 

Cas sent Jess a quick text  **gt dean headng home now. dnt call. need sleep. sry.**

She replied **I <3 U 4 F R - u so like him ;)**

Cas shook his head 

***

When they got home he took Dean inside and he was surprised Dean just sort of stood there while Cas undressed him and led him to the bed and undressed himself. Then cas got in bed next To Dean.  and a thought occured to him 

"Baby.. are you hungry?"

Dean shook his head " no. Im sure I should eat but Im too tired."

Cas pulled him in close to him "its ok. you can eat later"

"Cas. I need to tell you something"

Cas braced for it "ok. but you sure you don't wanna talk about it tomorrow?'

Dean shook his head "No, I need to tell you now"

Cas understood, it had been hours since his dad died, maybe he had to admit it to someone "ok"

"Cas...I kissed Anna"

That was NOT what cas thought he was going to say, this was worse for Cas in some ways but god damnit he was going to let him say it he took a deep breath and kept his arms around Dean

" ok.. who's Anna"

"My college girlfriend'

Cas knew he was being selfish but he was praying please can we talk about his dads death. He couldn't do this. He couldn't hear this. 

"Cas..."

"Sorry..Im listening... when..." he found he was just shaking his head back and forth

"Today."

Cas tried to stop him "Dean.. isn't there something ELSE you want to talk to me about. Something more important.."

Dean stared off in that same haunted way. His voice was an almost even monotone but he continued on with his tale 

"no Cas. I need to tell you this. I was at a hotel today. with a woman. named Anna. "

Cas was wrong, he couldn't hear this "Dean please. Baby.. I dont care ok. Please just.. stop talking. whatever you did it doesn't matter i just.." 

Dean reached up and wiped a tear from Cas' eye " your' crying"

Cas nodded "yes'

"Thats why I have to tell you this."

Cas shook his head but Dean continued 

"No Cas you need to hear the rest. I went upstairs with her and I DID kiss her. But then I couldn't do anything more. I handed her the room key and I left. Kissing that skank in the hallway made me sick to my stomach. It was just wrong. It made me feel bad because YOU are so good. And I knew I had to tell you, as soon as we were alone"

Cas was crying tears down his face and he resisted the urge to punch Dean in the arm. He wiped the tears with both hands and he cupped Deans face and growled "you stupid stupid man. For future reference. Start with the punch line"

Dean actually looked worried "so.. are we..ok?"

Cas kissed him "yes were ok but no more kissing skanks in hallways or...anywhere else... ok? and just so we are clear... that means male or female."

Dean nodded "ok. what did you mean tell the punchline first?"

Cas shook his head "Dean. next time (hopefully there isn't one) you say 'hey Cas I almost threw up cause i kissed a skank in a hallway' and i say ' oh yea.. what happened?' THEN you can tell me the story. I ran into Anna on our way leaving the city Dean. I literally thought you were going to tell me you fucked her at the 4 seasons minutes after talking to me. I just couldn't...bare to hear it"

Dean had scooted up next to Cas again " I made you cry... for real this time"

Cas kissed Deans head " I made me cry. What I thought you had done made me cry. But mostly, I cryed because I was Sad Dean. And thats ok. It really is ok to be sad and cry. You know that right?"

Dean nodded "Yes Cas. Im not stupid."

Cas figured he deserved that he was kind of talking to him like he was 5. But here they were talking about this crap and Deans dad had been dead for 8 hours and he hadn't shed a tear. But his haunted eyes said he was hurting.  Meanwhile Cas had cryed more in 3 days then he had in the last 3 years. 

Dean let out a sigh and shifted so he was facing Cas "Kiss me Cas"

"you sure?"

"Yes. I want to kiss someone real. That matters. Not a random skank."

"Ok. But we can't make love tonight Dean.. were both tired and... its..gonna be a long day tomorrow"

Dean got quiet "Cause of ... HIm"

"Yea, cause of him"

"ok. " Then Dean reached up and pulled Cas' down for a kiss. He kissed him slowly. Cupping his face in his hands. 

Then he sighed contentedly "goodnight Cas. thanks for saving my ass again"

Cas pulled him near  "I will always come for you Dean. Good night"

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Castle of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memorial and some loopy Dean

Saturday Morning

Cas woke up when he felt the bed compress beside him. Dean must have gotten up and was now sitting next to him. It was still mostly dark outside. He said into the quiet of the morning "Cas.. My Father passed away yesterday"

Cas tried to reach out his hand to rub Dean's back but he stood up so Cas just replied into the darkness "I know Dean. I called Sam'

Dean nodded not looking at the bed "I have allot to do today so, ill be down stairs, go back to sleep"

He walked out.

Cas noted Deans voice hadn't cracked at all. It sounded as if he were telling him the weather report. He sensed it was going to be a long day so he tried to go back to sleep.

 

***

Dean was on that phone piece that strapped to his ear all morning. He paced around the kitchen. Cas tried to stay out of his way. He just listened to his gruff voice and business - as -usual manner. 

"Hi, Dean Winchester. Yes. That is correct. No his request was specific. Nobody is putting him in the ground. Burn him. Put his ashes in something Glass. I want it at Winchester Place by 12:30pm today. No that's not negotiable. Yes thank you for the condolences"

"Charlie. Hi its Dean.. Im fine. Charlie...Charlie I'm fine. Charlie! No i'm not yelling Charlie. Just.. get me a caterer for the memorial service at 1:00 ok. I know its soon. Yea? And I really don't care how much that is. Your the best for a reason. Im counting on you. take care"

"Hello... uh.. hi uncle bobby.. Im uh.. really busy right now. No. no funeral. just a memorial at Winchester Place. Yes I think that's more then appropriate uncle bobby, he loved that damn place. Bobby.. I can't really talk about this right now. Say hi to aunt Ellen. Please come...yea...Sammy will be there"

"Sam its Dean....about the memorial.... Look I don't give a fuck what your personal relationship was with the guy... He was your father Sam!... your coming to the memorial.... Uncle bobby wants you there.... Its at 1:00. Wear a tie"

 

On and on it went. Phone call after phone. At one point a woman came to the door Dean let her in and signed some papers

"So. Its all officially yours now Mr. Winchester. The business, his assets, he left it all to you. I'm very sorry for your loss.If you have any questions come down to my office."

Dean ushered her out "Yea I won't, thanks"

 

He tossed the paperwork on the counter and went back to his damn phone calls.

***

 

Eventually Cas went upstairs and was running cords when Dean popped his head in the door

"What are you doing?" He looked at his watch

Cas shrugged "Just running some cords, you need anything?"

"YEA.. I need you to be dressed. Cas its already 11:00"

Cas shook his head disbelievingly "you wanted me to come?"

Dean Came in the room. He had already gotten dressed and he was wearing a black Versace suit with a black silk high color shirt underneath. 

he sat on the futon "Cas.. I'm not sure I can do this without you"

Cas looked down at his Jeans "I don't really have anything to wear. I have some slacks and.."

Dean shook his head "No. Come with me"

He opened his closet and pulled out a beautiful black suit It was an Armani but Cas wouldn't know what that meant.

He grabbed a black button up and his blue silk tie ( he needed Cas' blue eyes today to pull him through this and he wanted them to pop out in the crowd)

Cas got dressed then Dean tied his tie for him. He looked good.

Dean turned him to the full length mirror to see and Cas felt uncomfortable but he wasn't supposed to be comfortable, he was supposed to be there for Dean. Dean put his chin on Cas shoulder and looked at him in the mirror. 

"You clean up pretty well Cas"

Cas smiled and loosened his tie a little "thanks"

"I'm sorry I can't take you in there and.. show you off..you know..like...with me"

Cas turned in Deans arms and Dean let him hug him for the first time that day " Its not about that today ok. It about.."

Dean pulled back "yea I know what its about. Come on, were gonna be late. You can take that coat, in case it gets chilly"

Cas looked and Dean had laid out a camel colored wool 3/4 length jacket (guess no leather for Cas today) he shrugged and picked it up. It felt pretty chilly already.

 

* * *

Saturday Afternoon

Dean parked his car outside the office. There was a space reserved for him for the memorial.

As they went inside Cas was astounded at what allot of money and a shit ton of determined Dean Winchester could do in one morning.

The down stairs office area had been set up with catering tables draped in black with silver platters.

There was Champane being carried around by men in tuxes. A large photo of John Winchester was on a dias Next to a microphone stand and sitting next to that was a black onyx urn resembling a tower with Johns name and birth/death date etched in it.

There were black glass vases filled with orchids sitting spaced throughout the room.

There were probably close to 100 people there all wearing varying shades of designer black and talking in hushed tones.

It seemed cold to Cas, but then again, so had John Winchester,so what did he know. 

As they walked in A couple approached with what looked like real concern in their eyes 

"Dean.."

Dean was looking around "Not now uncle bobby"

" Son.. If you need..'

Dean nodded "Yea of course. look bobby.. I need to take care of some things" he went to walk away

A woman stepped in his path "Dean Winchester. Now you listen here .."

Dean had the sense to look chagrined "Im sorry aunt Ellen. I cant do this right now.."

She seemed to understand " alright. you go on do what u think you gotta do. but were here"

Dean nodded "ok.. uh.. this is Cas.. he's... uhm... Cas this is aunt Ellen and uncle Bobby, Ill be right back"

Dean walked off toward the stage area.

Bobby looked at him "CAS? Is that short for something?"

Cas nodded " Yes, Sir. Its short for Castiel."

Bobby waved his hand "its just **bobby** son, none of that 'sir' crap"

Ellen looked at him " Castiel? .. means: Shield of god right?'

Cas nodded "uh.. yes mam. Not many people know that. Im impressed"

She shrugged "i went to Catholic school"

Bobby looked at her lecherously "yes she did"

She swatted his arm "Oh bobby you stop that"

Bobby was still eyeing Cas "so.. you came with Dean then?"

"Yes"

Ellen nodded "Ive talked to Sam. From what Ive heard your name suits you. You seem to do alot of lookin' out for our Dean recently. We appreciate that"

Cas looked over at Dean who was now talking to the caterer. he chose his words carefully " Dean seems to...NEED ... more ... looking after, then it would on the surface appear"

Ellen laughed "Aint that the truth"

Bobby spoke up " well. He showed up here with you. So he must trust you. Hasn't let none of the rest of us within a 5 foot radius of him since John passed. Tell you the truth Castiel, john wasn't always such an SOB. He just got lost."

Cas looked at Dean, they all did " Dean looks ... Lost"

Ellen sighed "Yea. John looked like that after he lost his Mary. Its a damn shame. He's over there still trying to be the man he thinks his daddy would want him to be. You know what I think though. I think if john had just let himself grieve. Let himself loose it and cry and maybe hug those boys of his, maybe he would have been alright"

Cas stared at nothing then he made eye contact with bobby " well, You both seem very kind. So I hope I don't offend you when I say, having met John Winchester once, I will do everything that is within my power to do, to ensure Dean does not become that man"

Bobby's eyes were a little watery " good. Now, too bad your not a woman or Dean would be set"

Ellen clucked her tunge and popped bobby in the back of the head " I swear bobby you just dont know when to shut up. It was nice meeting you Cas" She lead bobby away.

***

Cas walked over to the wall where Dean was standing and stood beside him. He spoke quietly so only he and Dean could hear their conversation

"How's it going?"

Dean nodded and looked into his glass of champagne 'Its going, Cas"

Cas tapped his foot "Im sorry I cant touch you right now'

Dean set his drink on the table "me too" he walked away

 

Cas felt like he couldn't stop saying the wrong thing today 

 

Cas went to wander around since he didn't seem to be much help to Dean when he felt arms around his back

"HI! Cas"

He turned and hugged Jess tightly

"Cas.. your crushing me"

He released her "sorry. I was just feeling very much like the last kid picked for kickball'

She giggled "thanks for coming"

Sam walked up and patted him on the back "hi Cas.. this is.. pleasantly awkward right?"

Cas surpressed a grin "Im sure Dean appreciates you being here Sam"

Sam sighed "alright Cas. Im not gonna pry. Im really not. Jess wants me too"

Jess cleared her throat loudly beside Sam and he gave her a pointed look

"But im not going to. Im just going to say this. I **know** you care about Dean. What you do or have done or to what degree, I don't know. But I know that much. You care a whole hell of allot. So do me a favor and look out for him today Cas ok. Cause I have a feeling he's gonna need it."

Cas look up at Sam " Not that I wont but tell me again why you cant be there for him? I though you two were close?"

Sam shook his head " not today we wont be. I told you. I made my piece with my dad's passing years ago. But not Dean. he always had to be the good little soldier. Always seeking love and approval from a man who buried that love the day he buried our mom. I cant be there for Dean,no conversation with Dean and I today is going to be productive. Plus, I can't help but notice everytime he falls, you seem to be the one he calls. "

Cas just looked back at the stage Dean was getting ready to start "Dont worry Sam. I'll be there. "

***

Dean got on the stage he had his cards in front of him. _ok, just do this and then you can get the hell outta here_.

The microphone squeeled. He Stepped back a little. He cleared his throat.

**Thank you all for coming**

**Unless it was about business,**

**my father was a man of few words**

**and even fewer sentiments.**

**So I am not going to gush on. I will simply say "He will be missed"**

**As you all know with my fathers passing I am now the owner and head of Winchester Place**

**What that means for us as a company will be discussed on Tuesday when i see you all back in the offices.**

**Yes, I am extending the weekend. I am aware that was frowned upon by my late father but I think, under the circumstances even he might understand.**

**Again, thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your evening**

 

As he got down he heard his uncle bobby from the back of the room say "what the hell was that?'

***

Dean walked off the stage. walked out of the room and got in the elevators. He rode them to the top and walked down the hallway to his fathers office.

He flipped on the light and looked around. He would need to get someone in to replace that carpet...the stain didn't come out of the rug.  Dean walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink. He drank it down. It burned all the way down his throat into his chest, the pain felt good. It beat the hell out of numb.

He poured another glass and looked around the office. So this was it. Dad's fortress of glass. Where everything was see-through and nothing of who he really was, was ever revealed. Where he hid his pain in neat orderly boxes.

Dean took a gulp of the amber liquid in his glass. He walked around, looking at the room, all its clean lines. He ran his hand over John's desk and saw his appointment book sitting on the desk, the pen still marking the place where he had been writing the day he died... yesterday.

Dean flipped it open in bold ink as if it had been written over a few times, underlined and circled were the words  **WHO IS** **CAS** **!!**

Dean drank the rest of his glass then poured another. That's another thing about his father's office, there was no color. Everything was black and white and clear. That's how John saw the world. There was no grey.

It must have burned his ass that Dean had made a decision without consulting him first.

Dean felt rage start to bubble under the surface. God forbid dad's good little soldier do anything without clearing it with him first.

He must have sat there at that desk puzzling who the hell was this cas? He finished the rest of the drink in the glass. How did Dean dare to meet someone not prior ordained from on high in his precious. castle. in. the SKY!!. He hefted the glass in his hand and threw it with all his might at the mirror behind the bar. It made a satisfying *SMASH* as it hit.

Dean grabbed the rest of the glasses on the tray and threw them *CRASH* against the wall.

He let out a gutteral yell and swiped his hand across the desk smashing his dads Tiffany lamps and his lap tops and sending that appointment book flying to rest near the entrance to the office.

He grabbed a bookshelf and pushed with all his might knocking it over, like dominoes it *BASHED* into the next and the next leaving books and glass shards strewn all over the floor.

Then he went to the corner and grabbed his Fathers 9-iron and hit his desk *CRACK* it sent a fissure through the center of it. He continued to hit the desk over and over until he was exhausted and his rage was finally ebbing.

He threw the golf club on the desk, walk over to the door way where there was very little glass and slid down to the floor, sitting with his knee's bent and his back against the Door Jam 

 

***

When Dean left Cas watched him go. He waited till he could discreetly follow him without causing rumors.

He knew where Dean would be, as he exited the elevator he heard the sound of glass shattering and hurried forward a little. Til he saw Dean Pick up the golf club and hit his fathers desk. He hung back and waited til he had exhausted himself and sat down. then Cas approached.

He knew this was a tightrope he was walking and the wrong step would shut down all the progress Dean had just made. 

"wow. you really smashed up the place"

Dean looked up at him then leaned hi head back against the wall , closed his eyes and gestured "none of this shit means anything anyway"

Cas Sat in front of Dean "have you been drinking?"

Dean replied without moving "a little"

Cas moved in between Deans spread legs, so he was kneeling

" Cas.. dont" Deans voice cracked

Cas reached his arms out and put his hands on either side of Deans arms. Dean pushed at his chest. Cas rocked back slightly

"Dean.."

He reached for him again and wrapped his arms around Dean

Dean's voice cracked again "Cas... my dad died"

and Deans arms wrapped around Cas' waist

Cas slightly rocked him and said quietly " I know Dean .. Im sorry"

Dean scooted into Cas and wrapped his arms more tightly around Cas' waist 

He cried "Cas..."

Cas held him to his chest "its ok Dean.. Im here"

Deans shoulders started to shake, then he was sobbing. He was crying for the loss of the little boy he never got to be and the man he never seem to be able to be. He cried for the loss of the dad he always wanted and for the one he had and he cried for the loss of his mom" 

Cas just held him, he didn't soften, he didn't belittle him or make him feel small. He just held him and reassured him that he was there 

"Ive got you Dean... Im right here... shhh.. its ok.... im here baby... ive got you"

 

***

Dean finally had cried himself out

He sat back against the wall and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Cas got up and sat down next to him on the floor with his back to the wall.

'Crying is fucking exhausting Cas"

Cas looked over at Dean with a shrug " well.. to be fair, most of us don't store it up for 20 years"

Deans eyes showed consent " fair point"

They both just looked into the shambles of the office for a minute

" I told him about you, that I was seeing you"

Cas continued to stare at the destruction " Its good you told him you were seeing someone"

Dean reached over and grabbed the appointment book 

"no Cas.. I told him, I was seeing YOU"

Cas looked at the writing hardly believing what he was reading **WHO IS CAS!!!**    


Dean laughed a watery laugh " he must have been so pissed. I made a life choice without him"

Cas shook his head "But I don't understand Dean. He knew me. He knew my name. I made sure of that." 

Dean looked over at him and his eyes were a little bigger but there was a smile playing around his mouth "what if he figured it out Cas? What if he figured out that 'cas' wasn't a woman... but in fact you? probably what gave him the heart attack"

Cas put his head back against the wall and closed his eyes "Dean..."

Dean touched Cas' thigh "its ok Cas. Im ok. You're a rockstar" and he leaned over and kissed Cas

Cas sighed contentedly. He had been holding his breath for Dean to break since last night, he was glad the first wave was done. 

"Dean. You are aware you have 100 or so of your Not-so-close Not-really-friends in your lobby right now right?"

Dean shrugged " I don't want to go down there. Fuck 'em. Its good to be the boss sometimes. You know what I DO want to do though?

Cas saw the glint in Deans eye "Dean... no"

"Come on Cas.. Im grieving "

"Dean.. that is extortion"

"Cas.. you mean to tell me your not the tiniest bit turned on by the thought of sex on my desk?

Cas looked at the destroyed office and raised his eyebrow

He quirked an eyebrow "Thats not MY desk. My desk is big and solid and hard wood."

Cas licked his lips "reminds me of you"

Dean smirked "oh you are so going for this"

He pulled Cas to his feet "Dean this is such a bad idea.."

Dean pushed him into an office and closed the door. Not only did it have a the large desk there was also a red sued couch against one wall. Dean backed Cas against the desk and kissed him fully. Cas opened his mouth and took Deans bottom lip in his mouth sucking on it. Dean growled. He let his tounge dive in Cas mouth and then he pulled back 

"Now tell me your not interested Cas"

In Response Cas grabbed Dean by the back of his neck and pulled him back into a kiss.

Dean Grabbed Cas thigh and wrapped it around his leg and hiked him up onto the desk.

He ground his groin against Cas' making him moan. He took off his suit jacket and threw it over onto the couch.

Dean unbuttoned the front of Cas jacket and un-tucked his shirt, so he could slide his hand along Cas nude back. Making him arch his body grinding himself more against Dean.

Dean Lay Cas back on the desk.  He pulled off The tie. He started to unbutton the shirt the got rushed "screw it, its my shirt" and he ripped open the front of the shirt sending buttons flying in every direction.

Cas head fell back exposing that beautiful line of flesh from his neck to his belly button.

Dean hiked himself up a little on the desk and sucked on Cas neck. He trailed down to his nipples nipping and sucking on them making Cas moan in response.

He kissed down to his tight abs, running his tongue along the grooves.

Dean wanted more. He knew what he wanted. He opened up the first button on Cas slacks and

*someone cleared their throat*

Dean froze

If this was someone who could be fired. They were fired. He just hoped it wasn't Family.

He turned his head slowly, then made a disgusted gesture "Hi Crowley. Knock much?"

Cas had sat up and by Deans utter lack of giving a fuck he looked up to see who Crowley was.

And he just kept staring. 'Crowley' was none other the 'Fergie' and Clearly he knew Deans secret because Dean was mostly just annoyed at being walked in on.

Crowley smirked " My... black on black....so sorry to interrupt"

Dean noticed Cas' staring, he stood up " Dont mind Crowley, We go way back"

"Whats up Crowley?" He helped Cas to stand.

"Your absence has been noticed, thought you might like a heads up"

"Son of a bitch. Yea ok, let me get my coat"

 Cas was silent. When Dean went over to grab his coat Crowley gestured the Shhh sign to Cas.

Dean turned around and then as if just realizing " shit, sorry. Cas this is Crowley. Crowley this is Cas my.."

Crowley interjected looking right at Cas who's shirt was still wide opened " your 'friend' ?"

Dean narrowed his eyes "Actually no." He stepped back and put his hands on Cas waist.  "He's my boyfriend" Dean nuzzled the inside of Cas neck.

Cas thought was _What fucking Bazaro world am I living in right now???_

Crowley gave a bitter laugh, inclining his head slightly " is he now ? I wasn't aware anyone knew about your little 'secret life' Dean or was that whole declaration just for me? "

Dean Rolled his eyes and buttoned up Cas' jacket so you couldn't tell his shirt had no buttons "Ignore him Cas. Crowley is just being a Catty bitch"

Crowley brushed off a piece of invisible fuzz from his shoulder but he still sounded bitter " knock knock. who there? oh! its Dean Winchester perpetually stuck in the closet"

Dean put his Coat on without looking at Crowley "your being a dick Crowley" He headed to the elevator

Cas looked at 'Crowley' who whispered "suggestion #2 love, dont ask if you dont want to know"

Then Dean yelled "And quit looking at him Crowley! I know your fricken type"

Crowley Smiled "suggestion #1, dont mention me. Yes. I know Dean well"

He put his hands in his pockets and followed Dean down the hall. 

Cas thought _Dean's right Crowley is a dick... I miss Ferge_

In the elevator the 3 men stood there then Crowley cleared his throat

"what Crowley"

"Your Jacket is inside out"

"Son of a bitch"

* * *

 

~3 years ago ~

Dean was minding on another business trip for his father. This time it was in Nevada. He had only been in town a few hours and wasn't due to meet with the new investors till the the morning. He was enjoying a glass of red wine when a handsome man sat down beside him. 

"Good evening Sunshine. Here all alone"

Dean wasn't in the mood. He had just had a fight with his brother about how he did everything his dad said and never took time out for himself. 

"No offense buddy but.. fuck off"

The man picked up a flower off the bar and smelled it, he looked amused

"Dirty talk..my favorite"

Dean turned and looked at the guy. Not bad. Looked nothing at all like Balthazar, Deans first Guy encounter, so that was a plus. But still..

Dean was going to plead strait and go find a waitress to pass the time with, much safer bet.

He licked his lips " Im not really Ga"

The man put one finger over his mouth "yes you are. maybe not entirely, but you dabble. and you know what they say 'what happens in Vegas' "

The man took out his wallet and payed the bar tab 

"Now, Im going to go to that elevator over there. If you get in the elevator, Ill have my answer"

Right before the doors closed Dean stepped through them. The man leaned over and pulled the stop on the elevator.

He pressed Dean against the wall and said "My name is Crowley by the way, Now, what say we go take a howl at that moon?"

He kissed Dean and hit the number for the penthouse.

***

The next day Dean walked into the board meeting to see Crowley sitting at the table with the other investors.

As the meeting let out he whispered "Don't worry Love, your secret is safe with me"

and it had been ever since.

* * *

 

Saturday night

Dean got drunk. Really drunk. It didn't help that he had had a few drink in his dads office and Cas got the impression he hadn't exactly sipped those but then as the progression of people started and each one gave their condolences, he started drinking, finally everyone cleared out and Cas was folding Dean up in the car to go home. Before he could get him in the car Jess and Sam came out. Oh great, Cas thought, this cant end well. Luckily for Cas Dean was a friendly drunk, but it did make covering up their relationship a bit more dicey.

"Cas is pretty. Dont you think Cas is pretty Sam?" 

Dean grabbed Cas' face, Cas took his hand off his face he looked at Sam and shrugged

Sam laughed "uh.. yea sure Dean"

Dean squeezed Cas' cheeks "look at this face. you could just.."

Cas cut him off quickly "Yes Dean, thats nice, lets get in the car"

Dean pouted and kicked the ground

"no"

Sam laughed "Dean.. why dont you want to get in the car?"

"Cas is mad at me"

Sam burst out laughing and then covered his hand with his mouth when Dean sulked at him

Cas sighed "Dean... Im not mad at you..."

"You are. your mad cause I squeezed your cheeks and said you were pretty"

Sam was silently laughing and tears were forming in his eyes from the urge not to laugh out loud

"thank you for thinking im pretty.. now PLEASE get in the car"

Cas was afraid Dean was going to kill him in the morning when he realized this exchange happened in front of Sam. But of course Dean wasn't done yet.

He stage whispered loudly "Hey.. Sam.."

Sam couldn't stop laughing, he just couldn't. Jess wasn't any better, every time Dean said something remotely, possibly, gay Jess would punch Sams arm and jump up and down and try not to squee. 

Sam pretend whispered back and winked at Cas, fucker was enjoying this " Yes Dean"

Dean put his hand beside his mouth like he was telling Sam a secret "I know why ELSE Cas is mad"

Cas was dying "oh for the love of.. Dean. I am not mad ok. lets. just. go"

Dean put his fingers to Cas' lips and smeared his hand all over Cas' face "shhhhh Cas, im talking to Sam"

Sam leaned on the car "tell me why else Cas is mad Dean, Im dying to know?" he grinned ear to ear at Cas

He cupped his hands around his mouth and said "cause I thought Crowley thought Cas was pretty too"

Sam burst out full force laughing "oh my god!!!" 

Dean looked vindicated "i know! what a dick!"

Jess was holding on to Sam and laughing "i cannt... i cant..."

Cas opened the car and put Dean inside.

'Sorry to spoil your fun but he has to get home. In case you didn't realize he is drunk as shit."

Sam and Jess were still laughing. Sam said " oh Cas.. don't be like that.. we think your pretty tooo"

Cas glared and got in the drivers side. They were still laughing when he drove away.

He got to a stoplight and reached over and put Deans seat-belt on.

As they were driving Dean kept looking at Cas

"what is it baby?"

"You called me baby?"

"Yes Dean. I do that occasionally."

"You weren't doing it earlier" he pouted again

"I know I wasn't. Cause were not supposed to tell people our secret remember?"

Dean shrugged "That's stupid"

Cas smiled "I dont make the rules baby"

"Yea! how come!"

Cas' expression was confused "how come I don't make the rules for us?'

"yeeeep"

Cas shrugged "I guess your just better at it then I am"

Dean was messing with the radio and Cas made him stop

"I didn't like the way Crowley was looking at you"

Cas would have to take down his psychology books and figure out what the hell it was in Deans brain that made it jump EVERYWHERE when he was any kind of under the influence.

"How was Crowley looking at me?"

Dean looked over at Cas and he seemed almost sober for a second "Like he wanted to take a bite out of you and see how you tasted. I didn't like it"

Dean then started drumming on the dash

Cas asked him "Does Crowley know how you taste Dean?"

Dean stopped drumming

"How come you never sing me a song?"

"what?"

"I sang you a song. Your the fricken musician and I have never heard you sing. sing me a song"

"Dean, im driving right now"

He crossed his arms over his chest " when we get home will you sing me a song?"

Cas rubbed the bridge of his nose "Ill tell you what baby. If you stop being such an asshole. Maybe I'll sing you a song when we get home"

Dean looked out the window "am I really being an asshole?"

Cas ran his hand through his hair " a little bit. yea"

He skootched a little closer to cas and hugged his arm and looked up at him all adorably "im sorry cas. Ill just sit here and stare at your bluest blue to ever be blued eyes"

Cas smiled "ok Dean"

Dean gave that you love me smirk and then winked and Cas forgot to be mad.

***

They gratefully made it home without Dean interupting anymore. Cas was also grateful for the fact that although Dean got wasted, he didn't get sick. If he had puked in his "Baby" Dean probably would have gone and checked himself into rehab or something else equally extreme for one night of bad choices. 

Getting him up the stairs was a feet and Cas almost found out what the two of them falling down the stairs would ACTUALLY feel like, but they made it. His room was slightly closer and he could plop Dean down to the bed instead of having to hoist him up onto it so he took them there. As he was trying to get Dean undressed he pulled him down on top of him. 

"Dean! I need to get your clothes off"

Dean shimmied underneath him "Thats the plan. Id rip your shirt off, but.. I already did that'

Since Cas was sober He found it a hell of allot harder to not want to take Dean up on his offer. But Cas had a strange rule, he sort of liked you to remember having had sex with him and he wasn't at all sure Dean would remember any of this.

"Baby. I promised you a song remember"

Dean sat up "Yes. You gonna sing me a song?"

well shit.. now I am Cas thought. It was ok. He liked singing and he hadn't ever sang for Dean. He just kind of hoped when Dean heard him sing he would be sober, but he would get other chances

"Yes. Lets get you ready for bed and then I'll get baby2 and Ill sing to you."

"Just for me?"

"Yes. Ill pick a song just for you ok?"

Dean kissed him "thanks Cas"

Cas smiled "now can I take your clothes off"

Dean giggled but he let Cas get him undressed and into bed

cas grabbed an actual pair of his pajama pants. he chose the green pair with the SORRY game boards and pieces on it. He thought it was apropos since Dean wasn't getting any tonight.

Cas pulled his mini-amp over by the bed so he could plug in Baby2 and he sat on the bed next to Dean. Dean tucked the pillows under his head and lay on his stomach and smiled

"Ready when you are'

Cas smiled and shook his head. My Dean. He thought of the most appropriate song he could think of, He had promised Dean he would play a song just for him.Then he started Playing.

**If you want a lover**  
**_I'll do anything you ask me to_**  
**_And if you want another kind of love_**  
**_I'll wear a mask for you_**  
**_If you want a partner_**  
**_Take my hand_**  
**_Or if you want to strike me down in anger_**  
**_Here I stand_**  
**_I'm your man_**  
  
Dean smiled and scooted up on the pillow

**If you want a boxer**  
**_I will step into the ring for you_**  
**_And if you want a doctor_**  
**_I'll examine every inch of you_**  
**_If you want a driver_**  
**_Climb inside_**  
**_Or if you want to take me for a ride_**  
**_You know you can_**  
**_I'm your man_**  
  
Dean sighed. Cas picked up the beat a little for the corus

**Ah, the moon's too bright**  
**_The chain's too tight_**  
**_The beast won't go to sleep_**  
**_I've been runnin' through, these promises to you_**  
**_That I made and I could not keep_**  
**_Ah but a man never got anyone back_**  
**_Not by beggin' on his knees_**  
**_Or I'd crawl to you baby_**  
**_And I'd fall at your feet_**  
**_And I'd howl at your beauty_**  
**_Like a dog in heat_**  
**_And I'd claw at your heart_**  
**_And I'd tear at your sheet_**  
**_I'd say please_**  
**_I'm your man_**  
  
Dean had closed his eyes but he was smiling

__**And if you've got to sleep  
A moment on the road  
I will steer for you  
****And if you want to walk the street alone  
I'll disappear for you  
If you want a Father for your child  
Or only wanna walk with me a while  
Across the sand  
I'm your** **man** **  
  
** He thought Dean had fallen asleep. Cas put his axe down and Lay down next to him running his hands through his hair he whisper sang the last line Acapela

**_If you want a lover_**  
**I'll do anything you ask me to**  
  
**I'm your man**

 

 

Cas pulled Dean over so he was laying cuddled on his chest. He kissed the top of his head. Cas was starting to fall asleep when Dean said quietly 

"My mom used to tell me when she tucked me in at night that an angel would watch over me"

He didn't say anything else and Cas knew he had fallen back asleep but it was then that Cas realized where Dean always rested his hand when he slept, right over a pair of angel wings Cas had tattooed on his upper chest. Cas would have to tell dean the story of those wings eventually.

He kissed Deans hand and placed it back in the same spot "Sleep Dean, Ill watch over you" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Everybody Talks to much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a fairly graphic BDSM scene in this chapter. If you are squeemish you can scroll past it. I also want to add. Dean and Cas do not use a safe word in this scene. That was written as a story point. In real life a safe word should ALWAYS ALWAYS be named. Even if you never use it, you need to have one employed to ensure the SAFETY of everyone involved.

Sunday 

 

Dean was asleep with Cas wrapped in his arms when he heard Sam

"Dean! I have come to torture you with your first hang over!"

He realized they hadn't locked the door last night. He could hear Sam walk down the hall to his room first.

"wow your head must be killing you after last night"

Sam laughed to himself. Dean just wished he would shut up, he was going to wake Cas.

"I brought greasy food and.."

Sam froze as he poked his head in Cas' room. 

Dean put a finger to his lips to quiet Sam

"He's sleeping"

Sams eyes were wide and he stood there in shock a box of donuts in one hand and Starbucks drink carrier in the other

Dean whispered "Just give me a sec." 

Sam leaned against the door jam and whispered with a little laugh "ok..ill wait"

Dean tried to ease out from under Cas, but Cas snuggled right back up next to him

He smiled cutely at Cas and then to sam "uh..just one more sec"

He tried turning his body on its side so he could disengage Cas' arm but cas just cuddled lower

Dean awkwardly giggled to sam "he's a re-cuddler"

He moved so Cas was on his back and Dean was laying cuddled up on him 

At first Sam was watching this with amusement but as it progressed he realized it was actually...sweet. Sam hadn't seen Dean take that much care with anyone..ever

Dean tried to whisper to Cas while attempting to unhinge his hands from around his waist

"baby... Cas... I need to get up for a minute"

Cas tugged him closer, shaking his head "uh uh"

Dean laughed and kissed his forehead "Come on Cas, I gotta get up"

Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean and smiled

Then he teased "in answer to your question 'no we didn't fuck' "

Dean laughed out loud ' good cause that would have been awkward"

Cas lifted his lips and kissed Dean

Dean pulled back slightly causing a quizzical look from Cas

Dean said "Uhm, Cas.. Sam is here"

Cas' eyes got big and he tried to get up

Dean soothed him and then laughed"Its ok Babe.. Im pretty sure he knows"

Cas raised an eyebrow "how do you know?"

Dean turned Cas' face toward Sam who was standing in the doorway, he was just putting away his cell phone

He smiled and said awkwardly "uh..hi Cas. Im just gonna... Ill meet you two down stairs"

He picked up his coffee and donuts and went down stairs

Dean started laughing and rolled off of Cas.

Then he stopped "Oh.. god. I really do feel like hammered shit. how do you do this all the time"

Cas was going to ask how the hell Dean was so calm about Sam just finding out he was queerer then a 2 dollar bill but then Deans statement offended him

He leaned on one elbow "ok first off, I don't 'do it all the time' you act like Im an alcoholic or something and Second, I can handle my liquor" He smiled big and kissed Dean

"Now If I were you I would go in THAT drawer and grab a pair of pajamas since you just wearing your boxers might be bad since I'm guessing your brother texted Jess and I'm going to go make you a cup of 'big boy' coffee cause if you drink any of that latte shit right now, you really will toss your cookies."

Dean threw a pillow at him. He dodged it.

He got up and then came back in and kissed him again and said "by the way, you are an adorable drunk" 

As Cas got to the bottom of the stairs the front door flew open, and in bounded Jess

She saw Cas on the bottom step and she grinned "you little SLUT! I knew you were playing Ding Dong Dean!"

Cas shook his head and laughed "where do you come up with these euphemisms?"

Jess shrugged and then hugged his arm and skipped beside him into the kitchen. 

When they got in the kitchen Sam was already sitting at the breakfast bar

Jess went over to him and kissed him "thank for calling me"

Dean walked in with his hair tousled, a smattering of stubble on his face wearing sponge bob square pants pajama bottoms

"Yea Sam, you fricken tattle tale"

Sam ignored the statement "nice jammies"

Dean looked down "what? their Cas' ok!"

Sam just smiled and took a sip of his Starbucks " im sure they are"

Dean rolled his eyes. He went over to Cas who was making coffee, he put his hand around his waist from behind and kissed his cheek

"That smells delicious Cas"

Cas leaned against him for a second enjoying 'out' Dean then told him to go visit with his brother

Jess had made a little awe sound

Dean sat down to wait for the Coffee

Sam initiated conversation "So Dean... your like... uhm"

Jess helped him out but Dean would have liked to see him squirm 

"What Sam means is you've been getting a little Casti-action" she winked

Cas came over with coffee's " I have no idea where she gets these horrible puns but as her best friend I apologies"

Dean laughed and got up to get his coffee that Cas had set on the counter, he took a drink and his face shook in horror

He leaned his head on Cas shoulder and put his arms around his waist "Cas... you know your sexy in the morning"

Cas lifted his coffee to his lips and took a sip "Thank you Dean.. your still not getting vanilla"

Dean stepped back and stomped back over to his chair pulling the offending coffee closer

Jess punched Sam in the arm and her voice was higher "oh my gosh, aren't they just the cutest thing!"

Sam chuckled "well...they are pretty sweet"

Dean frowned into his mug" screw you Sam"

Cas pulled a stool from around the bar so he could face the group

"Don't mind him, he's just grumpy cause Its morning, he's hung over and I wont let him have a latte or he will hurl"

Dean grabbed a powdered donut out of the box. He sat up and eyed it and then he took a bite. 

Cas wished he had not been looking at Dean when he took a bite. Dean closed his eyes for a second.

He made a mmmmm sound. His tongue licked out and captured the bit of powder on his lip. Then he pursed

his lips together. The powdered sugar cascaded down the front of Deans naked chest leaving a trail Cas wanted to

lick off. Then Dean opened his mouth and put the rest of the donut in his mouth. Licking his lips again. He looked at his fingers

and noticed Cas staring at him. He looked at Cas and without breaking eye contact he slid his thumb into his mouth and sucked all the powder off of it

he slowly slid it back out of his mouth and did the same with his pointer finger finger. Then he wagged his eye rows and gave that devastating smile.

Cas was glad the counter separated him from Jess and Sam because 

Dean knew how to fricken turn him on. Cas grabbed a napkin and brought it over to Dean and dropped it in his lap.

Then he leaned over and whispered in his ear "I am going to FUCK the hell out of you later,for that " he stood up and smiled.

Dean grinned and said out-loud "Looking forward to it"

Jess looked from Dean to Cas "looking forward to what?"

Dean looked at Cas and smiled like he was being bad

Cas shook his head 

"Cas was just telling me what he planned to do with me later"

Cas had his control eyes on and that turned Dean on something fierce

Jess leaned her chin on her hand "oh reeealy?"

Sam scratched his head "we dont.. actually have to talk about this.. its really fine"

Jess lightly swatted him "dont be such a prude"

Cas was still looking at Dean warningly "Dean... Do. not. do it"

Jess sat up "ooooh you better watch out Dean. I dont know if you know this but..Cas has a pretty decent Dom side"

Dean shrugged "oh.. I know"

Sam cut it " REALLY ... any other topic BUT my brothers sex life. totally ok with me"

Cas looked at Jess "he doesn't really know'

Dean looked a little offended "yes. I do."

Cas hedged "eh.. not...REALLY"

Jess was intrigued "what does not really mean?"

Sam warned her "Jess...."

Dean stood up in a huff "Cas fucked me standing up in the front hallway!"

Jess' eyes got wide. Cas' mouth dropped open and he looked at Dean

Sam convulsed on the stool and fell off it

Jess yelled "Dean Winchester you are in so much trouble!"

Cas looked at Dean and said quietly "yes. you. are."

Jess jumped down to Sam he was yelling

"I CANT UNHEAR THAT! I CANT UNHEAR THAT' 

he had his hand on his head and was rolling back and forth on the ground

Jess was trying to talk to him 

"Hey hey.. its ok.. its just like anyone else having sex.. except its 2 guys'

"ONE OF THOSE GUYS IS MY BROTHER!!!! OH GOD!!!'

" Sam its ok. it will be ok. we wont talk about your brothers sex life anymore ok'

" JESS.. ITS WAS LIKE... BEING TAZED!!!"

Jess laughed then leaned back over Sam " ok.. lets uh.. lets go home and we will get that image out of your head ok?"

"promise?"

Jess nodded

She got Sam up gave Dean a I cant-believe-you-did-that face and made the call-me gesture to Cas

Cas nodded but was staring at Dean with a serious look in his eye

They heard the door close and Cas said to Dean "Go lock that door. then meet me upstairs."

Dean hesitated for a second

" **now**.Dean"

Dean did what he was told

***

As Dean went to lock the door Cas went to his closet grabbed a large black duffel bag and took it to Deans room.

When Dean came in the room Cas was sitting on the bed

"Close that door and turn around"

Dean felt adrenaline zing through him at the unknown of what Cas would do.

He closed the door and waited.

Cas came up and put his hand in his hair and tilted his head to the side

He growled in his ear " You want to see my Dom side Dean? Cause you just pushed it there."

He shifted so Deans body was flush with the door

he ground his hips against Deans ass

"Now is your chance. Say no and I go no further. but say yes..."

He licked a line up Deans neck then bit hard " whats your answer?"

Dean was already panting from the intrigue and the promise of things dark and

powerful and bridging the line between pain ad pleasure

Dean growled "Yes"

Cas hit his leg in the back of Deans knees making him kneel

"you will show me some respect. You don't not growl at me, you address me with reverence"

Dean repeated quieter "yes, please"

Cas knelt in front of Dean and Kissed him "That's better. Now have you ever done anything like this before?"

Dean replied "no"

Cas smiled seductively "fun. ok. then we will start light.. but it wont stay there. ok"

Dean nodded "yes"

Cas got up and went to his bag He got out a few things and came back

He took Deans hands and bound them in red silk rope in front of him as Dean watched Cas tie the knots over, under, through, looping back around

Cas talked " Normally there is a safety word put in place, so if it becomes to much to handle, you use the word"

Cas took out a  length of cloth a put it over Deans eyes tying it behind his head

He came up behind Dean and whispered into his ear " but you wont need one. First because I am VERY good at this and second because I know your body _so very well_. I know every moan, every sigh, every shift of your body and if I feel its too much for you - ill ask. Understood?"

Dean panted "Yes Cas"

"good"

Dean was already hard all the while Cas had been talking and binding him Cas' voice was more and more commanding

more and more deep. He was every bit in control in that moment and Dean relished it.

For the next couple hours Dean didn't have to be anything but Cas'

He didn't have to control anything. Didn't have to make any choices.

He could give himself over to Cas trusting Cas to take him to that sweet release

of pain without harming him and Dean was so very ready to be a bad bad boy

 

Cas grabbed Deans hands by the tie and hoisted him up

"Get up Dean. quicker next time"

He moved him to the wall and placed Deans hands above his head

"Leave those there"

He yanked Deans pants off in one hard pull, then took them away from his feet

He kicked Deans legs out slightly

"now, Dean. I told you not to say anything downstairs didn't I?"

Dean didn't reply

He felt the sting of something flat and cloth make contact with his right ass cheek

"didn't I?"

Dean gasped" yes"

"And you Disobeyed me. So you will have to be punished right?"

Dean bit his lip

Cas smacked his other cheek with riding crop

"right?"

Dean bit down on his lip but replied "yes Cas"

Cas pressed his body against Deans running his hands up the length of his arms to his hands over his head

"your such a bad boy. I told you I would fuck you but not nearly yet"

He pulled back and Dean wimpered

"What was that Dean? are you complaining?"

Dean shook his head "no Cas"

"Cas slapped his ass" good"

Dean felt Cas' hand slide across the length of his cock

"Your nice and hard for me, Your gonna stay that way, i put a cock ring on you"

Cas slowly slid his hand the full length of deans shaft then squeezed

Dean squirmed and moaned

"this is my cock today. I do what I want with it"

Dean moaned out "Cas.."

"Yes.. you will be doing allot more begging before the day is done My Little Dean"

Cas came back around behind Dean

"Now for your punishment. You be a good boy now and try and stay standing"

His hand hit Dean once across the ass and then the other cheek

and then again on each cheek. 

Dean cried out

He massaged his hand over the red and tender flesh on Deans Ass

Cas hit him a little harder. Each smack resonated through the room.

With each strike Cas was listening to the sounds Dean made, measuring them, weighing when was truly his cut off point.

Deans knees started to bend

Cas took him by the hair

"stand up, you are not done"

He lightly caressed the welts on Deans pink cheeks

He reached around Deans body and squeezed Deans nipples 

Dean wimpered

Cas stroked Deans cock growling in his ear "mine. MINE"

Dean moaned and he let his hands slide down from where they were on the wall

Cas slammed them back against the wall

"Bad boy. I told you not to move those hands"

He stepped back away from Dean and increased his slaps in speed as well as intensity

Dean was panting and would half moan half yell with each strike

Finally Cas pulled back and struck and Deans hands struck the wall above him

"CAS!" Deans legs quivered

Cas stopped

He pulled Deans body against him and eased his arms down. he petted Deans head that was slick with sweat. He said into his ear

"such a good boy Dean. You took your punishment so well. so good"

He knelt behind Dean and kissed the cherry redness of Deans cheeks.

He stepped in front of Dean and removed the blindfold

Deans eyes were glazed but arousal was clear. Cas gripped Deans Cock

"Hello Dean. what should I do with you now?"

Dean bit his lip

Cas grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to his lips

"tell me what you want Dean"

Dean moaned

Cas touched his lips to Deans then pulled back to just above touching again

"Thats not an answer Dean"

"Cas.. can.. Can you.. fuck my mouth'

"Mmmm.. dirty boy...ok"

Cas growled and dropped Dean to his Knees

"Yes. You have been a good boy ill let you get your mouth dirty"

Cas took out his cock and put it up to Deans mouth. Dean would have no control over it because his hands were still bound. 

Dean looked up at him from on his knees passion blazing in those green eyes

Cas gripped his own cock "is this what you want Dean"

Dean licked his lips" Yes. please"

Cas took the back of Deans head and held it and with his other hand eased his cock into Deans mouth.

Dean couldn't pull Back or bob unless Cas moved his hand. He slowly fucked Deans mouth

Dean sucked with such force it was still hard for Cas to contain himself. 

"MMMmm thats my good little cock sucker. But thats all you get for now. Just a taste."

He pulled back making Dean almost whine.

Cas had to stop Dean or he was going to cum.

Cas noticed Dean was flexing his hands alot which can be a sign your loosing circulation.

He knelt in front of Dean "Im going to Untie your hands now, you have been very good"

He leaned over and kissed Dean and Dean smiled pleased

He untied Deans hands and stepped back

"Stand up Dean"

Dean stood up quickly

Cas was pleased. Dean was a quick learner

"Go over to the desk and put your hands on it"

Deans eyes looked a little frightened

even a little frightened was too frightened for Cas

He walked over to Dean and cupped his face in his hand

"dont worry. no more punishment. you have been very good. and now im going to fuck you"

Deans eyes showed lust again "ok"

Cas nodded "now do as your told"

"Yes Cas"

Dean went over and put his hands on the desk

Cas brought his bag a little closer to the desk

He reached around the front of Dean and undid the clasp of the cock ring

"Dont need to hold off on that anymore"

He heard Dean sigh in relief

Then Cas grabbed a small vibrator, the size of maybe 2 fingers and put lube on it and started working Deans hole.

Dean began immediately to writhe

"Im using the vibrator because I want to watch your tight little asshole as I work it out and get it ready for me"

Cas leaned in and placed one hand over Deans on the desk he growled in his ear

"keep your hands on this desk baby. i want to fuck you bent over just like this"

He twisted the vibrator inside Deans ass, watching that beautiful opening expand for him

Dean had a little trouble resonding he panted out "i..fuck..i..yes...cas"

Cas couldn't wait anymore, Dean got him so aroused normally, on a day like this it was even harder to hold off

He pulled the vibrator out of Dean and tossed it on the towel then he worked the lube over his throbbing erection

He positioned the head over Deans opening and he put both hands covering Deans on the desk

He growled out "Remember what I said I was going to do to you earlier?"

Dean moaned "yes"

"What did I say?"

"you said.. you would fuck the hell out of me"

"yes i did. and I always keep my word"

As Cas said the last word he sat up and slid all the way into Dean then just held himself there for a minute

Dean screamed out and his body convulsed around the intrusion

then Cas reached his hand around the front of Dean and started to jack him off quickly

as Dean started to moan and pump his hips Cas started fucking him again.

"thats right Dean.. push your ass against my cock"

"Show me how much you want it"

"ooh.. Cas... I want... your cock"

"oh god.... yes dean.... thats good... take it... get fucked baby"

Pretty soon Cas was fucking Dean at the same speed that his lubed hand was rapidly stroking up

and down Deans full pulsing Cock.

Cas was panting "God damn.. your cock is so hard for me right now Dean and your ass is so tight"

Deans mind could barely think "oh.. jesus christ.. Cas... oh my fucking..."

Cas was pumping Dean so hard. Slamming against his reddened ass,

Deans thighs hitting the desk. His cock ready to explode in Cas' hand.

Cas was almost ready to to come but he wanted, no needed to

stake his claim. "Dean. who does your fucking cock belong too?"

Deans body was shaking and his lip was trembling

Cas whispered in Deans ear "Answer the question baby, just one more... im so ready to come for you. who does your cock belong to"

Dean threw his head back and shouted " you!.. cas.. cas.....CAS!!"

Deans cock erupted shooting cum in streams out all over the wall behind the desk

"oh Dear GOD Dean!!!"

Cas came so hard he didn't even know if he could remain standing.

He pulled out of Dean and virtually fell into the office chair behind him

Dean remained in the same position. Hands on the desk. head bent. legs shaking.

"come here baby. "

Cas pulled him gently over onto his lap and kissed him tenderly

Dean looked exhausted his head draped over onto Cas' shoulder

Cas was worried maybe he had pushed him to far

Cas picked him up and carried him to the bed

he lay him down.

Cas lay down beside Dean for a minute propped on one elbow

Deans eyes fluttered open

He kissed him gently again "hey, you ok?"

Dean smiled and nodded

Cas handed him some water which Dean drank thirstily

He lay back on the bed "thanks Cas. my throat was dry as fuck"

Cas chuckled "been there. roll over on your stomach baby"

Dean raised an eyebrow "why?"

Cas smiled and kissed him

" I want to take care of you now"

Dean looked suspicious but he rolled over

Cas kissed him between his shoulder blades

Dean hear the click of a Cap opening then Cas rubbed

soothing oil on his tender ass where he had been spanked

he hissed

Cas kissed his shoulder 

"was I too rough? I thought I stopped at the right time, but.. "

Dean shook his head " no. I enjoyed it"

Cas rubbed oil on Deans back to massage him 

"mmm, theres my tough guy"

Dean chuckled "im always a tough guy"

Cas continued massaging Deans back and arms

he said seriously " yea you are. Most guys couldn't handle half what you do"

Dean rolled over on his stomach and gathered Cas in his arms

"Does it make me a freak that i really like this?"

Cas nodded "yea... it does"

Dean laughed "gee. thanks Cas"

Cas laughed too "well it does. But hey it makes me just as much of a freak.

You have any idea how much the sight of you tied up and blind folded and at my mercy

got my moter running. Damn Dean. trust me. were all a little freaky"

Dean stretched his arms and hissed again " so. Jess was UNDER-exagerating. You are Dom as fuck baby"

Cas furrowed his brow slightly looking at Dean and reached back in his bag

"I can be..open your legs a bit babe"

Dean quirked his brow

"I think I might have torn u slightly. This cream will sooth it."

Dean opened his legs and smiled "gees Cas..your an animal" he winked

Cas gently applied the cream to the inside walls of Deans hole

Dean sighed in relief "you know.. I figured all of this was spanking and bondage and rough hard fucking

but you've got like all kinds of oils and creams and shit in that kinky bag too"

Cas lay down and pulled Dean over to lay cuddled up on his chest.

"The thing is. Its not about beating the shit out of your partner. If it is your just an abusive prick and its has

nothing to do with BDSM.

Its about Dominance and Submission. Its about trust. Alot of trust. On both sides. For you, in your position today.. 

ok, I know how to explain this. Do you remember yesterday when you smashed up your Dads office"

Dean nodded against Cas' chest "kind of hard to forget"

Cas kissed him on the head "ok. If you had had someone.. like me. You would have had an outlet. A way to release all that frustration and..

all that pain.In a productive way in a SAFE environment. By willingly giving over your power you actually feel powerful instead of helpless.

For me, in my position.. I spent a good deal of my life taking peoples shit. In here. my orders are obeyed without question.

But its more then then that. For someone to trust you, that implicitly, to literally be helpless in front of you

and trust you to both punish and reward them properly is an honor I do not take lightly. The thing

Is, after all the adrenaline has left the system and your body has been sated. Your wrists are chafed

your body is welting where you have been struck, your muscles ache. If you care about someone, you

take care of them after they have given you the trust to bind, spank, fuck and position their body as YOU saw fit."

 

Dean cupped Cas' head in his hands and kissed him passionately

"You are fucking amazing Cas"

Cas ran his hand though Deans soft hair " Your pretty spectacular yourself"

Cas let out a huff "you know we have to get up and let Jess and Sam back over right"

Dean stuck out his bottom lip "what? why?"

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean "Dean.. you just outted us. Jess only left cause she knew that look in my eye"

Dean Lay back on the bed "I dont wanna get up now. Im tired... and.. im already getting hard again"

Cas acted like he was unaffected "You should have thought about that before you almost gave your little brother a seizure telling him how I fucked you standing  up in the hallway"

Dean chuckled "It was pretty worth it though."

Cas tapped his thigh and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed

"come on, u get first shower, go on"

Dean crooked his eyebrows "is that an order?"

Cas turned back and looked at Dean surprised "do you want it to be?"

Deans eyes half closed "yea"

Cas slid back on the bed so he could whisper into Deans ear

"ok... then I want you to get in that shower. while your in there I want you to think about me inside you

fucking you, my hands pinning you to the desk, when you soap up your hand and start to rub yourself

remember my hand jacking you off while I slammed into you from behind. and when you cum. You say my name. 

Always. From now on Dean Winchester. You cum with my name on your lips. now, get. in. that. shower"

 

Cas kissed Dean hard and walked out of the room before he stayed in that bed and started all over

Dean got up and got in the shower

Cas called Jess told her it was "all clear" and she made him promise when Sam and Dean weren't

around she wanted details about how much 'trouble' Dean got in.

As Cas was getting his things together for his shower he heard it

"aaaahhhhh.......ooooohhhh....Caaaaaaaassss!!!"

Cas closed his eyes and smiled triumphantly

he whispered to the empty room "good boy"

***

When Dean came out of the shower Cas was standing there

Cas kissed him pressing him against the door jam

"your going to be the Death of me Dean Winchester"

Dean just kissed him again

"Your brother is on his way back over, I have to go take... probably a COLD shower now because of you"

Dean rubbed Cas' cock that was hard "you heard me say your name"

It wasn't a question

Cas was finding it hard to maintain control

"look Dean. Later on, Ill let you tie me to the bed ,suck me off, like I KNOW you have been wanting to do then fuck me

if you want. But right now.."

He moved back from Dean and set him out into the hallway

"Right now, I NEED you to back the hell away from me, cause your like god damn sexual kryptonite."

Dean made his eyes look wide "what did I do? Im innocent."

Cas looked down at his raging hard on

Dean consented "alright. but im gonna hold you to that fucking you later thing"

He sauntered off and Cas watched Deans perfect Ass for a second or two

then he quickly stepped inside the bathroom and slammed the door shut

He tapped his head a few times against the door

Fuck. why was his man so damn hot

then he looked at the shower.. yep.. YEP that shower was gonna be cold as Alaska

 

***

When Cas got out of the shower he thought he heard piano keys being struck

He followed the sound the the back of the house and pushed up by the wall

near the backdoor, as if it had nearly been forgotten was an old upright piano

Dean was sitting at it. Cas didn't disturb him. Dean hit a few keys then started playing

and Cas was graced once again with Deans beautiful angelic voice

**My lovers got humor**

**Hes the giggle at a Funeral**

**Knows everybodies Disapproval**

**I should have worshiped him sooner**

**If the heavens ever did speak**

**He's the last true mouthpiece**

**Every Sunday's getting more bleak**

**Fresh poison each weak**

 

**'We were born sick'**

**You heard them say it**

**My church offers no absolution**

**He tells me worship in the bedroom**

**The only heaven ill be sent to**

**Is when im alone with you**

**I was born sick**

**But I love it**

**Command me to be well**

**Aaaaaa**

**Amen, Amen, Amen**

 

**Take me to church**

**Ill worship like a dog**

**At the shrine of their lies**

**Ill tell you my sins**

**And they can sharpen their knives**

**Offer me that deathless death**

**Good God, let me give you my life**

 

 

Cas had come in and was standing where Dean could see him. Dean stopped playing. 

Cas was smiling serenely "Dont stop. It was beautiful"

Dean shrugged " Its no big deal"

Cas sat down next to Dean at the piano and started to play singing the next verse

he watched Dean and made the lines sweet and sexy. Cas was a performer, he knew how to 

coax someone out through music and song

 

_**If Im a pagan of the good times** _

_**Then my lovers the sunlight** _

_**To keep the goddess on my side** _

_**She demands a sacrifice** _

_**Drain the whole sea** _

_**Get something shiny** _

_**Something meaty for the main course** _

_**Thats a fine lookin high horse** _

_**but what you got in the stables** _

_**We've alot of starving faithfuls** _

_**That looks tasty** _

_**That looks plenty** _

_**This is hungry work** _

_**TAKE ME TO CHURCH** _

 

He nudged Deans shoulder and smiled and Dean joined in on the chorus with him

When the bridge came up it was higher and Cas continued to play

and said "sing it baby" Dean sang out 

 

_**No masters or kings** _

_**When the ritual begins** _

_**There is no sweeter innocence** _

_**Then our gentle sin** _

_**In the madness and soil** _

_**Of this sad earthly scene** _

_**Only then I am human** _

_**Only then I am clean** _

_**Amen...amen...AMEN!!!** _

Cas mutter "god damn"

Then they finished the chorus together

 

_**TAKE ME TO CHURCH** _ **  
**

**Ill worship like a dog**

**At the shrine of their lies**

**Ill tell you my sins**

**And they can sharpen their knives**

**Offer me that deathless death**

**Good God, let me give you my life**

 

**Take me to church**

**Ill worship like a dog**

**At the shrine of their lies**

**Ill tell you my sins**

**And they can sharpen their knives**

**Offer me that deathless death**

**Good God, let me give you my life**

 

When they finished Cas slid the piano bench back straddled Dean and kissed him

"Its a crying shame you don't do anything with that voice"

Dean grabbed Cas' face and kissed him back roughly

"my voice! are you kidding me? You practically fucked me via my ears just now. That's the first time Ive heard you sing while I was sober"

 

*someone cleared their throat*

 

They both looked up sheepishly

 

Jess was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and her foot cocked out to one side

the effect was a bit ruined though by the sweet smile on her face 

"Sam is parking the truck. Am I going to have to douse you two in ice water cause I dont think his fragile little mind can

handle seeing this right now... but it is REALLY cute!"

 

They both sighed

Cas put his head against Deans forehead

Dean whisper growled " i want you so bad right now"

Cas kissed his forehead "me too. quick lets move before we cant"

He got up quickly. Dean got up, readjusted in his jeans, then kicked a mop bucket on his way into the kitchen

Jess looked at Cas "lord.. you have created a monster"

Cas ran his hand through his hair "Jess... you have no idea. come on"

 

They got in the kitchen and Dean was slamming cupboards as Sam came into the kitchen from the front hall

Dean huffed "Im having vanilla! I earned it!"

Cas sat down and chuckled " ok baby"

Sam looked from Dean to Cas 

"did you guys get in a fight?"

Dean grabbed down a mug and looked at Sam with hatred "no"

He slammed the mug on the counter and started making his latte

Sam looked at Cas

Cas smiled "Sam. you do NOT want to know"

Sam nodded "ok. im good with that answer"

He sat down at the table

Dean came over with his Latte and sat down and took a drink

"sweet baby jesus thats good! especially after..."

Cas gave him a warning look

Dean finished "after.. not..having a latte this morning"

Sam let out a held breath

Cas rubbed Deans leg silently praising him

 

Jess changed the subject

"I heard the last bars of that song you were singing. Its interesting, considering"

Dean looked at her "considering what?"

"well you know the whole "take me to church thing"

Dean looked completely clueless "ok.."

Jess continued "well cause of Cas.. you know" she gestured with her hand like everyone knew

Dean still just stared at her

Cas rubbed the back of his neck "he doesn't know Jess"

"what do you mean he doesn't know?'

"it never came up"

"how does that never come up? didn't he at least wonder about all the fricken angel wings everywhere"

Dean piped in "I did actually wonder about that"

Jess looked at him pointedly "and you never thought to ask?"

Dean looked into his cup "well... no"

Jess threw up her hands "Gess you guys! do you ever talk or just get drunk, fight and have sex?"

Neither of them responded

Jess sighed loudly "ok..sorry. not my business. Im sorry I brought it up Cas"

Cas had wrapped his arms around his body " its.. fine Jess.. no big"

Dean knew those signs. Cas was uncomfortable. Something Jess said had touched a nerve.

He got up and went over to Cas and wrapped his arms around him

Where Deans back was to Jess and Sam almost like he was shielding Cas

He put his cheek against Cas' and whispered "you ok baby?"

Cas nodded he stepped out of Deans arms and kissed him softly

"its ok Dean. I just dont generally talk about it. Jess didn't know she was

saying anything wrong cause her and Sam know. "

Dean nodded he leaned against the counter looking at Cas

"you wanna tell me?"

Cas nodded "yea. .. so.. I have to start the story by telling you that my mother wasn't bad to me.

she was very kind and she loved me the best she could. That's important to understand ok?"

"ok Cas. I understand"

"She had a problem. Heroine. and when I was 3 it killed her."

Dean shook his head, "Cas.."

Cas had unshed tears in his eyes

"Im alright Dean. So, the sisters at the lords mercy orphange told me my mama went

to live with the angels. I don't know, I guess I just figured, she would want me to

be strong for her. she used to say to me "jimmy, you help out those who need you."

Like I said she was kind."

Dean looked questioningly "Jimmy?"

Cas just shrugged

Jess piped in "This is the best part of the story. Ok if I tell it Cas?"

Cas nodded and he held Deans hand

Jess smiled at Cas " ok so little jimmy was REALLY little but he couldn't stand anyone being picked on"

Dean squeezed Cas' hand "sounds like Cas"

Jess got tears in her eyes "So.. if he saw a little boy being bullied He would wrap his arms around the 

the boy and take the beating for them."

She wiped a tear from her eye

"The nuns saw this a few times and they started calling him Castiel which means mighty shield of god. They said he was their littlest angel.

Anyway. Cas grew up there and the nuns adopted him and they legally changed his name. So his mama named him jimmy

But he is Castiel James Novak. And the wings are Cas' reminder to never let someone go through hell when you can raise them up"

She was crying and waving her hand in front of her face to dry the tears

"Im sorry, im such a sap"

Deans eyes had gone misty too 

He turned Cas to face him and Kissed him

Having lost his own mother Dean could only think of one thing to say to Cas

"Your mother sounded very kind and Im so glad she led you to me"

Cas hugged him tightly and said "thank you" into Deans neck

then Sam said "hey didn't mom used to say that angels were."

"Shut it Sam!"

"sorry"

 

He pulled back after a little bit and everyone was wiping there eyes and Jess was sniffling

Dean said " who's hungry? I kind of really want a cheeseburger"

Cas laughed "and pie?"

Dean kissed him hard " hell yes and pie"

Cas just laughed louder "I am so wearing you down. Ok but I have a gig tonight so we cant be out long"

Dean looked bummed "oh.. ok, what time will you be home"

Cas chuckled "you know you can come Dean"

Dean all of the sudden was very interested in the wallpaper "yea. Cas. I uh.. I would. you know. but uhm. I work tomorrow"

If Cas didn't know better he would swear Dean was dodging " no you dont. You extended the weekend"

"Well yea. but that was for the employees. I need to get someone in there to fix my office before Tuesday"

Cas was irritated but tried not to show it "ok.. you want me to go with.."

Dean looked at Cas quickly "no. Uh.. no, it shouldn't be a problem. I can handle it"

Cas figured it out. He figured it out and it pissed him off. So it was ok for Sam and Jess 

to know about them but Dean was still buried deep in that god forsaken closet

"you sure you even want to go to the restaurant Dean?"

Dean looked pained "yea Cas... we can still..go out"

Cas nodded "yea.. you know. i'm suddenly not that hungry, you go on ahead without me"

Dean stepped up to Cas and rubbed his arms "Cas.. its just.."

Cas stepped away from him "Dean. dont .ok. my nerves are a little raw right now. just..dont. I get it. "

Dean watched Cas walk away and heard his room door close FUCK. 

 

Jess swept past him "why do you have to fricken DO that Dean!" she hurried upstairs after Cas

 

Sam cleared his throat "so.. did you still want food?"

Dean looked at Sam "hey..yea. sorry about that. Its sort of an..ongoing fight"

Sam put his hands up and shrugged "I have no idea what just happened. all i heard was.

are you going to the club no, work, yes, restaurant..sure. nevermind. bye. Then Cas went upstairs pissed and Jess was all

mad at you and you look all I don't know.. sad I guess. so yea, im guessing I missed some subtext"

Dean Sat down and put his head in his hands "I dont know Sammy. Its this whole 'gay' thing. Its like.. the only thing we fight about"

Sam shook his head "wait what?" he kind of laughed

Dean looked at him seriously "Im not 'gay' Sam"

Then Sam did laugh "uh, Dean. are you fricken kidding me?"

Dean's look said he was not kidding

Sam cleared his throat "ok. fine. Maybe your not 'gay' in the truest sense. Maybe your like Cas, you know mostly. Or 'BI'. Or even mostly 'strait' but

those are all just labels. What you are Dean. Is ABSOLUTELY, no doubt, crazy about that guy upstairs. So whats the issue?"

***

 

Jess poked her head in the door and Cas was laying on his futon cradling BABY2 to his chest

"I dont wanna talk about it Jess"

She came in and shut the door and plopped down on his bed

"Liar."

Cas sighed " he just doesn't get it"

"Is he always like this?"

Cas laughed a little to himself "sort of. He's ... god, Jess .. when he's good .. he's the best damn thing I ever let into my life."

Cas sat up and set his guitar next to him running his hand up the neck

Then he ran his hand through his hair " but then.. he pulls back. Every time. Hes so afraid of what people will say.

Like they will look at him differently or some shit. I dont fucking know"

Jess furrowed her brow "its weird though. He seems so comfortable with you."

Cas shook his head sadly " he is Jess. In this house. He is. But only in this house. Im not even sure what came over him today

or why he decided it would be ok to let Sam in.. Im glad though, I hated lying to you"

Jess shrugged and smiled "I knew. Was just waiting for you to come around to telling me"

Cas sighed and picked up BABY2 and started randomly strumming

"He got me this you know"

Jess' eyes widened "Dean?!? Damn! what kind of kink did you pull out to earn you a $9,000 Axe"

Cas smiled at BABY2 lovingly "it wasn't like that. I guess he felt bad cause I destroyed mine smashing

it into the face of some punk ass who was trying to attack Dean"

Jess stood up "Ha! I KNEW that wasn't some freeky art project. oh. oh, Cas.. Im sorry"

"Dont be. Mother fucker had it coming. Its actually why Deans face was so messed up"

Jess shook her head "damn. Castiel the BadAss. Did Dean really punch you in the face?"

Cas laughed "yea.. that part of the story was true. Anyway. One night Dean comes home with this

beautiful girl. He said he understood I had to smash my version of "baby" to protect him"

Jess was in awe "damn"

Cas nodded like he knew exactly what she was thinking " Exactly. Thats just Dean"

Jess shook her head "what are you gonna do"

Cas sighed "fuck..I dont know Jess... I dont think I can leave him"

She put her chin in her hand "do you have to?"

Cas looked at her " Tell you the truth.. Im not sure he's going to give me a choice"

 

***

 

Sam had his head in his hands. he looked up at Dean.

"Ok.. so. Let me see if I've got this right. You DO like him. But you don't want to 'come out' cause you think people are going

to talk? And you DO want him but you DONT want to 'date' him cause...that would be.. 'gay' ?"

Dean threw his hands up in the air "when you say it like that Sam it sounds stupid"

"It IS stupid Dean! You are sleeping with the guy! and I don't mean you are casually having sex with him either!

I fucking saw you this morning. You spent 5 minutes trying to get out of that bed just so you wouldn't

wake him up. You have terms like 're-cuddler'. You kissed his face and called him baby. But you know the real kicker

Dean.."

"Just shut up Sammy ok."

"No I wont. Your gonna fucking hear this. Weather you like it or not. The Real kicker was that moment when he opened his eyes

I swear to god Dean. Ive never seen anything like it. Not in you. I disappeared. the room disappeared. The whole god-damn

planet probably disappeared all you saw was Cas and you know what Dean.. you smiled. You smiled and you were happy.

And I thought 'fuck it!' If this person makes my brother look like that, even for one second of each day. Every other second is worth it' "

Dean closed his eyes "its not that simple"

Sam stood up "only because you make it hard.Well let me tell you something about Castiel. Just because you haven't ever put yourself

out there, doesn't mean he hasn't. He has been walked on and drug through the dirt and passed over by men who said they cared

so many times he probably lost count. So you better figure your shit out Dean, cause Cas cares about you, alot, but he wont wait

around forever. He has seen how this story usually ends and it sucks for him. And if your not careful, your gonna loose the best

 _Person_ to ever come into your life"

All of the sudden Dean wanted a beer, he opened up the fridge and took one out

"thanks Sammy, now I feel alot better"

Sam took the beer out of his hand and set in on the counter

"im not trying to make you feel better Dean, im trying to get you to wake up and

smell the Vanilla frickin Latte. Are you even aware that you call him _Baby_. Last I checked

the only thing that important to you was your car"

He handed Dean back his beer and left the kitchen calling for Jess up the stairs.

Jess hugged Cas and came down stairs, Cas went back in his room.

 

***

Old habits die hard. Dean didn't mean to, but after everyone cleared out, he grabbed his lap top and started working.

Before he knew it it was dark outside. He closed his laptop and went to Cas' door and knocked

Cas opened it he had a black mesh shirt on and black jeans that had crisscross patterns cut

out of the sides from hip to ankle. He was clearly going commando as there was no way to wear anything

under those pants. They lay low like all of Cas' pants and you could see the entirety of his pubic bone above his waist line

He was wearing red Doc Martins on his feet and had his guitar slung over his shoulder, the strap red to match his shoes.

Dean sucked in air through his teeth

Cas slid a pair of shades on and grabbed his leather jacket "I was just heading out"

Dean nodded "I hate your outfit"

cas smirked "no you dont. you love my outfit. that's why you hate that Im wearing it to the club"

Dean put his hands in his pockets "yea.."

Against his better judgement Cas kissed him

He knew it was stupid but he just couldn't go to work without kissing him goodbye

"Dont worry Dean. I only sleep with you"

"I know Cas"

He headed for the stairs and as if on cue

"Cas.."

Cas paused and didn't turn around

"I... only sleep with you too"

"yea. i know. goodnight Dean"

Cas walked out

 

***

Dean woke up to a commotion and turned on his bedside table light

Cas was weaving and trying to get his other boot off

"Cas.. what happened?"

Cas looked at him dead-pan "I found a liquor store, and I drank it"

"Is that sarcasm?"

Cas got his other boot off and looked at Dean

"Yes. smart guy. Its sarcasm"

"ok. are you..drunk?"

Cas took off his Coat and and tossed it in a heap on Deans floor

"yes! Im fucking drunk. ok ?"

He pulled off his shirt and then sat on the bed and tried to get his pants off

"Cas, what is wrong with you"

Cas finally got his pants off and lay down on the bed

"Dean just.. just shut up.. ok.. just please.. for once.. shut up"

Dean got so silent. He stopped trying to touch Cas at all.

"ok'

Dean rolled over and faced the wall

Cas punched the mattress "fucking fuck! Cas.. you pussy.."

Cas sighed " Dean...come here"

Dean rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow

"Cas.. what the fuck?"

Cas pulled him over on top of him and kissed him

Dean pulled back

"Cas, whats wrong?"

Cas growled and shut his eyes

He opened them and ran his hands through Deans hair

"Look Dean.. I cant talk to you right now.. just.. just make love to me ok"

He kissed Dean again. Deans lips softened and he kissed Cas back.

He ran his hand through Cas hair 

"baby. just talk to me. "

Cas rolled Dean onto his back

"Dean. listen to me. I cant. I cant talk to you and I cant..I cant leave you"

He punched the pillow beside his head

"Just.. please.. just. make. love. to. me"

Dean was scared. He was so scared he was going to loose Cas

The fear was palpable. Dean could taste the bitterness of it.

"ok.. ok baby.. ok Cas. You don't have to talk anymore"

Dean rolled Cas back over on his back. He touched his face.

Cas' head shifted so Dean was cupping his cheek and Cas closed his eyes

Dean kissed him softly, tenderly, he opened Cas mouth with his lips

As his tongue caressed Cas he tasted the sweetness of the whiskey 

That Cas had obviously had a great deal of tonight. I did this. Dean thought

He had to find a way to fix it but he didn't know how

Cas' hands slipped up under Deans t-shirt and pulled it over his head

This. I can do this. Dean thought. I can give him this.

Dean slid his pants off and wrapped his arms up under Cas

Cas wrapped his arms around Deans shoulders, hooking his hands behind his neck

Dean ran his hands down Cas' back and slid over his ass

He lubed up his fingers and slowly rimmed the outside of Cas' 

opening. Cas' breathing quickened. He slid his finger inside, Cas was

already pretty relaxed because of the alcohol. He slid another finger in gently.

Cas made a small mmmmm sound. Dean kissed Cas while he opened his fingers

and shifted them opening up Cas for him.  He lay Cas back on the pillows and lubed himself

up. He stretched out between Cas' legs. Supporting his weight on one arm he rimmed the outside of Cas'

asshole with his cock dipping inside a little and then rimming and dipping inside a little more.

Cas whispered "Dean...please"

Dean slid in to Cas inch by inch. Supporting his weight on his arms he

looked down at Cas. As Dean finally had fully penetrated Cas eyes fluttered closed

and Dean was struck with how beautiful Cas was. He saw the angel wings on Cas chest

as Dean began to move inside of Cas he wasn't aware he was whispering flowery words

" So beautiful.... My angel ..... My Cas .... "

Cas couldn't open his eyes. he was feeling to much. He just kept them

closed and listened to Dean murmur all the things he wanted to hear.

Feel him making love to him. His body pressed against Cas' 

Cas' hands intertwined with Deans. 

As Deans climax approached he wrapped his arms around Cas

Cas wrapped his legs around the back of Dean

They rode that wave together and as Dean came he

whispered "Cas..."

At a loss Cas ran his hands through Deans hair and whispered back "good boy"

Dean kissed him and his lips were trembling

He eased out of Cas and for the first time Cas rolled away

from Dean. He pulled Deans arm around him but faced out so they were spooning.

Dean kissed his hair and cas thought he heard Deans voice break when he said

barely audibly "dont leave me Cas ... I need you"

Cas closed his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Goodnight Cas -I'll talk to you tomorrow

The rain was pelting down hard on the windows and the sky had a grey overcast sheen to it. Just the kind of day to stay in and cuddle Dean thought. Fuck the office. He could make a call. He didn't actually have to be there personally. Plus, Cas seemed off last night, best to just stay and figure some shit out with him. Work would still be there tomorrow. 

Dean rolled over Cas wasn't in bed. He could still smell the combination Cinnamon/Whiskey/Leather smell that he had come to know as Cas on the pillow. He got up and went to find him. The shower wasn't running but he poked his head in anyway, no Cas. He was probably downstairs writing. He liked to do that sometimes, sit on the couch and write. He wasn't in the living room. When Dean went in the kitchen there was no smell of coffee or anything disturbed. Then Dean stopped. He stood in the middle of his kitchen and listened. It wasn't quiet, it was silent. There was not a single noise in the house. Dean's mouth went suddenly dry. Please. No. He bolted from the kitchen. He took the stairs two at a time. He opened up Cas' bedroom door...

There were no posters on the wall. There was no black light. No oozing Lava lamp. There was no milk crates filled with vinyl records and no record player set on top of it. There were no stars glowing and rotating on the ceiling. There was no giant bean bag to pass for a bed. In the corner there was no musical equipment. And there was no Cas. All that was left to show he had ever been there at all was an empty room with a faded black futon sitting in the corner.

Deans hands had fisted in his hair. He was shaking his head back and forth, back and forth. "no....no...NO!" 

He took out his cell and called Jess. When she answered he said at once "Where is he"

 Jess was confused "Where is who Dean?"

" Don't mess with me Jess. Cas, where is Cas?"

"I don't know. He's not there?"

"No he isn't fucking here! where is he?!"

Sam came on the line "Dean what the hell? Don't yell at her. We don't know where he is ok."

"Fuck. FUCK!"

"Dean... are you ok?"

"uh..yea Sammy. Tell Jess sorry I'm just, I just gotta find him"

 

He hung up the phone.

* * *

 

Dean braced himself and entered the **Crossroads**. He had no idea if anyone would even tell him anything but he had to try. He didn't know jack or shit about Cas' life, just Jess and this place. After this, he was out of leads. He felt sick. He went up to the bar. There was a brunette girl working behind it, Dean smiled and she came over. 

"What can I get you hot-stuff"

"uh yea. I was wondering. There's a guy usually works in here named Cas."

The girl sighed "The hot ones never play for my team. Yea I know Cas"

"Do you happen to know if he is working tonight?"

She leaned on the counter "Sorry to tell you this sweetcheeks but Cas went on tour"

Deans face showed the surprise he felt "On tour? for how long? when was this decided?"

She narrowed her eyes "How did you say you knew Cas again?"

"He's a.. A friend. But he didn't tell me he was going on Tour"

She shrugged "yea, it was decided last night. A bunch of the smaller names have been kicking around the idea for a while but last night they got a wealthy investment and so bobs-your-uncle they decided to leave this morning. No idea when they are coming back though.What are you gonna do. Musicians right?"

Dean just sat there trying to process it "last night... ok.. thank you"

"No problem. Anything else I can get you? You look like you could use a drink."

Dean nodded " sure. a shot of jack.

She gave it to him and moved on.

***

 

Dean drank it down and _holy christ-_ his eyes were watering and he was coughing

He said out-loud to himself "how the hell does Cas drink that shit"

He heard a British accent say "Practice"

Dean had wiped the tears from his eyes from the whiskey burn "Not in the mood Crowley"

"Also, I'm quite sure he doesn't drink it strait"

Dean looked pointedly at Crowley " yea? then you would be _quite_ wrong. Anyway, I'm out of here"

Dean went to leave and the Crowley spoke up

"He's in love with you, you know"

Dean turned around like Crowley had punched him in the back of the head

"What the fuck do you know about it?"

Crowley shrugged "I was here last night. I saw his performance right before he proceeded to nearly drown himself in a bottle of Jack named Dean Winchester"

Dean came and sat back down. "What was so different about his performance?"

Crowley sighed "Glad you brought that up. I happen to have a video of it."

He took out his tablet and propped it on the Bar and as he hit play Dean saw Cas coming on stage his face was set in an angry line and he took a shot before he actually cued the band. He had 2 scantily clad girls dressed in black on stage too as back up singers.His eyes seemed both hard and aching and Dean wasn't 100% sure he could make it through this whole video. The song that started as Cas started to play was fast and driving and sort of rockabilly. Then he began to sing and he sang loud and angry and hard too. Especially the chorus, On the chorus he all but screamed. the rage and pain mingled together to create a beautiful macabre sound that ripped Dean to shreds. He forced himself to hear the whole song.

  
_**I thought of angels** _   
_**Choking on their halos** _   
_**Get them drunk on rose water** _   
_**See how dirty I can get them** _   
_**Pulling out their fragile teeth** _   
_**And clip their tiny wings** _

_**Anything you say can and will be held against you** _   
_**So only say my name** _   
_**It will be held against you** _   
_**Anything you say can and will be held against you** _   
_**So only say my naaaaaaaame** _

_**If heaven's grief brings hell's rain** _   
_**Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**Oh, I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way** _   


  
_**Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _

_**Letting people down is my thing, baby** _   
_**Find yourself a new gig** _   
_**This town ain't big enough for two of us** _   
_**I don't have the right name** _   
_**Or the right looks** _   
_**But I have twice the heart** _

_**Anything you say can and will be held against you** _   
_**So only say my name** _   
_**It will be held against you** _   
_**Anything you say can and will be held against you** _   
_**So only say my name (** name **)**_

_**If heaven's grief brings hell's rain** _   
_**Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way** _   


  
_**Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   


 

The song slowed down and got melancholy for a brief moment and Cas looked sad

  
_**If I spilled my guts** _   
_**The world would never look at you the same way** _   
_**And now I'm here to give you all my love** _   
_**So I can watch your face as I take it all away, away, away, ay ay ay** _   


 

Then he grabbed a hold of the mic and yelled like he was releasing a demon and it tore the last verse from his throat. 

  
_**If heaven's grief brings hell's rain** _   
_**Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way** _   


  
_**Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I know I'm bad news **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   
_**(** I saved it all for you **)**_   
_**For just one yesterday** _   


 

As Cas finished the song he jumped off the stage, grabbed a bottle of whiskey and that's where the Vid cut off.

 

Dean closed his eyes for a moment. Then a thought occurred to him

"You funded the tour"

 

Crowley nodded" Dean. What you saw on that video was raw pain, the kind that kills you to watch. And don't get me wrong, I saw that too. But what I also saw was raw TALENT and people kill for that kind of talent. Plus, lets just say I had a vested interest in his happiness. "

 

Dean scowled

 

"Look Winchester, You and I, we're Demons. We work in corporate America. We buy and sell ours and others souls to the highest bidder. Were devils, and devils don't fly. But angels do. If you care about him. You will let him do this. This isn't about you or me. Its about that beautiful dark angel that deserves the chance to sing to the masses. I let him fly, as you should. And perhaps, if you are very lucky, he will fly back home to you"

 

Damn Crowley for being right Dean thought. He had just stood, intent to thank Crowley and go when the bartender came out from the back.

 

"oh great. what do you want _Furgus_ "

 

Dean turned slowly toward Crowley

 

"What the fuck did she just call you?"

 

Crowley stood up "Dean. Now come on. We just had a great heart to heart.

 

Deans eyes narrowed "did you fuck him?"

 

"Dean..."

 

"That's not an answer Crowley!"

 

" Even if I had it would have been before you ever met him"

 

"did.. you..fuck..him?"

 

Crowley sighed "Ok..yes. But.."

 

Dean punched him in the mouth "you son of a bitch!"

 

Crowley's hand came up and touched his mouth then he laughed "Yes! that's more like it! I knew there was a man in there somewhere!"

 

Dean stepped up to him "I should punch you again"

 

The bartender whistled "Sorry Handsome. No fights allowed in here. But your more then welcome to drag his ass outside and beat him to death"

 

Dean tossed some money on the bar for his drink "No thanks. I'm out. Thanks for the info."

 

He strode out

 

After he left Crowley turned to the bar "Meg, could you be a dear and get me some ice for this lip, I'm afraid I might have split it"

 

Meg ( the bartender) replied bitchily "gee.. i would but.. i was just about to go on my break"

 

"Meg could you get some ice for Mr. Crowley here"

 

Meg nodded "sure thing Lu"

 

Lu sat down next to Crowley "what was that about?"

 

Crowley shrugged "Young love"

 

"Did you sleep with his girlfriend?"

 

Crowley laughed " You know Lu.. In a sense.. yes"

 

Lu patted him on the back and handed him the ice " Then i'd say you deserved it"

 

* * *

Dean was soaking wet when he finally came inside. He had driven around for a while after leaving the bar and then come home but when he got to the door he couldn't bring himself to go in. He knew inside it would just be empty. He had tried to call Cas a few times but he didn't answer. So Dean just stood out there, in the rain, staring at his front door, willing all of this to be some kind of a nightmare. He hoped if he stood out there long enough maybe the cold rain would shock his system into waking up and he would be lying next to Cas and everything would be ok. But he didn't wake up. It wasn't a dream. Cas was gone and Dean had fucked up and everyone was right and now he was all alone. He locked the door when he came in and turned on the porch light (just in case Cas changed his mind, so he could see to get in) He went upstairs and went into Cas' room and curled up on the futon. He could smell Cas. He closed his eyes and first just one tear fell, then another, then he curled up on his side. He didn't know what to do. He had never had a broken heart before but he was pretty sure this was it because it felt like his chest was in physical agony. He didn't try and stop or fight the tears, he just let them fall onto the futon as he lay in the empty room, listening to the rain rage on outside, attempting to seek comfort from the only thing Cas left behind. But that wasn't true, Dean thought, He left me behind too.

* * *

 

Dean sat up a couple hour later. and spoke out-loud. His voice was still a little watery and cracked occasionally but he had stopped crying for the most part. He tried to think of all the lessons he had learned from observing how Cas lived.

"ok Cas. Step 1: Cry. Because your sad, and thats ok. Done. Step 2: sometimes life sucks. Get up anyway. ok..."

He got up. Went to the bathroom and took a shower. He cried a little more in the shower then when he got out he nodded at the mirror reminding himself he was on step 2. He Got dry clothes on.

"OK. Done. Step 3: always look to the future, cause there is ALWAYS  a future"

He searched through his desk and found a large calender and a black magic marker. He turned it to this month APRIL 

He picked up his cell phone and dialed

_Hi you've reached Cas, you know what to do_ ***Beep***

"Cas... baby... Its Dean. I'm sorry. whatever I did. I'm sorry. Please come home. We can fix this.... I miss you"

_to send your message press 1 - to delete and re-record press 2_

Then Dean thought about Step 4: never put someone through hell, when you can raise them up.. 

He pressed 2

_Your message has been deleted at the tone please re-record your message_ ***beep***

"Hey Cas. Its Dean. I heard you went on tour. I.. I wish you would have said goodbye but I guess I understand why you didn't. Maybe that's what last night was. Anyway. Just wanted to say Goodnight Cas and I'll talk to you Tomorrow" ***beep***

_Your message has been_ sent

Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, went over to the calender and wrote a large X on today's date the 8th. 

* * *

 

Cas wasn't going to listen. He knew how those messages went on day one. there was always 19 of them and they were desperate and pleading. Making promises that were never intended. But his voicemail said _you have one new message_ He was curious. When he had listened he pushed a button _Your message has been saved._ Then he went on stage.

                                                                      

 


	12. Step 5: Never Give up Hope

**APRIL 9:**   Hey Cas. Its me. Just thought I should tell you.. I punched Crowley in the mouth. I know! But I found out he was Fergy and I was a jealous ass. Sorry baby. Anyway. Good night Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 10:** Hey.. So I was thinking about that whole punching Crowley thing. Maybe I should go back and punch Zar in the face. That would cover all my male lovers. Make it 3 for 3. haha. ok. sweet dreams. goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow  ***Beep***

 **APRIL 11:** Hi baby. Its really coming down out there. I hope your shows are indoors. I miss you Cas, but I hope you are happy. That's what matters most. Stay dry. Good night Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow  ***Beep***

 **APRIL 12:**  So. All this rain. Makes me think. we never made love in my Impala. We gotta do that Cas. If you ever come home, we gotta do that. preferably in the rain. Ok. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow  ***Beep***

 **APRIL 13:**   Cas! listen to whats on the Radio!! _moterin' whats your price for flight, in finding mister right_ Its a sign. Its gotta be. Telling me that there's hope. At least. i hope thats what it is. Goodnight Cas. I'll Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 14:** Hi Baby. So, I redecorated my dad, well, my office. You would love it. Its all hard wood. and the carpet is blue. It reminds me of your eyes...*clears throat*.. anyway goodnight Cas. Ill talk to you tomorrow ***beep***

 **APRIL 15:** You'de be proud of me Cas. last night I cried. Cause I was Sad. and I didn't break anything *he laughed* so see. looks like Im fixable after all.

 **APRIL 16:** Shit Cas. I just realized. You didn't fucking know about Crowley and me and you just found out on a fucking voicemail. I'm sorry. You owe me a punch in the face when you come home. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 17:**  Cas.. are you coming home? It doesn't have to be soon and Im trying to keep hope but.. maybe your just deleting these messages and you have already given up on me. I hope not. Good Night Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 18:** Cas you got your ears on? Im pretty sure, Im pretty drunk. Im not so sure where Im at..looks like..what is that... Hellzhounds?.. I miss your face.. and your kisses.. and your lava lamp. and your stars.. and.. your milk crates.. oops.. i think i hava go now baby. kisses. gnight my angel talk at cha laterz ***beep***

 

* * *

 

Text to Jess from Cas:  **4 gd sakes go gt Dean he is at Hellhounds bar. nt nice place. tk sam. BTW. i didnt txt u. .**

Text to Cas from Jess:  **dam u cas!**

 

* * *

 

 

 **APRIL 19:** Hi.. Im pretty sure I owe you an apology. I dont know specifically what I said last night but I know I dont know so its not good. Thankfully I must have also called Sam cause I was not at a good spot. Im sorry, I know you worry. Ill try and be less reckless. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow. ***Beep***

 

* * *

 

Just when Dean was starting to wonder if there was any reason to keep calling he called and heard this voicemail.

_**Hi its Cas you know what to do. And if its you ,Goodnight Dean** _

Dean couldn't control the sweep of emotion from that one phrase. That one acknowledgement that Cas was out there and he was listening. Ok. Step 5 : Never give up hope

His tears were flowing so much that his message that night was the shortest message yet and probably the most obvious one that he was crying, but Dean left it anyway. He had decided not a day would go by that he didn't tell Cas goodnight and now, with Cas' message changed, not a day had to pass that he had to go to sleep without hearing Cas tell him goodnight. As far as miracles went, it was pretty small, but Dean would take it.

 

* * *

 **APRIL 20:** ....Cas....thank you..for changing your message..........Goodnight baby....Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 21:** Hi baby, I can't seem to figure out what cheese you used in that sandwich you made me. I thought what I had in the house at the time was the Midnight Moon so I used that and..its good but its too nutty, its not the same. anyway, Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 22:** Hey there. You have created a monster. I ate a cheeseburger today and TWO fricken slices of pie over at Garth's. I like to go there cause it makes me think of you. Im going to have to hit the treadmill till I sweat my shirt off. there's an image for ya babe. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow. ***Beep***

 **APRIL 23:** So I'm just laying here..alone..in bed... and I was thinking about that hot as fuck time in the hallway which made me think of that hot time against the desk. you remember? anyway.. One thing led to another and as ALWAYS I said your name. Like a good boy. Goodnight Cas. Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 24:** Ok, so my message yesterday was a tease but in my defense It has been a while because. I only sleep with you. I want you to know and understand that, wherever you are, on the off chance you come home, I only sleep with you. Goodnight Cas. I'll Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 25:** Hi babe. So I was thinking. Whatever you do, while your out on the road. Its fine, its all fine. ok Cas. I'll understand. I'm not expecting you to be a monk. That's not what yesterdays message was about. You just..you just be happy ok. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 26:** Sundays are hard. Is it like that for you? Like.. that was our resolve all this bullshit and make love day. I don't know, maybe its just me. God damn I miss your eyes. So many expressions in those eyes Cas and I can recall them all. not enough time on these voicemails sometimes. Goodnight Cas. I'll ***Beep***

 **APRIL 27:** I miss your voice. weather you were singing or talking or being dirty and commanding. I love that voice. and when you laughed. Cas... Im sorry, Im crying again and that's not fair to you. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 28:** Do you miss me Cas? Is it selfish that I want you to miss me? I wanna be the better guy for you, you know but I want you to be out there thinking of me too. I guess I suck. but can you miss me just a little? thanks baby. Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 29:** Its been 3 weeks since I woke up and you were gone. Thats longer then you were initially here. doesn't that just blow your mind? How can someone come into your life for just a moment and change everything about who you thought you were. its amazing. Good night Cas. I'll Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

 **APRIL 30:** I want you to know. If you had never met me your life might not be much different but if I had never met you my life would be forever changed. Truly. For all we know, I might be Dead. but more so my heart would still never know what it was like to leave my body and travel around the country with a musician. Goodnight Cas. Talk to you tomorrow. ***Beep***

 

* * *

**_*Beep *- you r message has been saved - you have 23 saved messages_ **

 the blond woman popped her head in "You ok"

Cas wiped his eyes " yes. just uh.. a rough one tonight"

" that your nightly voicemail?"

Cas nodded and stared at his phone as if by doing so he could will Dean's face to appear. He shook his head "what are you doing up?"

"what do you think?"

Cas nodded "I'll handle it. Thanks. You go get some sleep"

***

Cas went into a dimly lit room and over to a bassinet. He looked in and staring back up at him were big blue eyes. He reached in and picked up the baby dressed in a pink and white sleeper. He kissed her on the top of the head and held her against him and whispered to her. "Hey Clair. Whats Daddy's princess still doing awake?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Somewhere out there

**MAY**

Dean continued to call Cas every day, without fail. No matter if he were tired or sad or drunk he called. It wasn't always at night. It was whenever the day got to much, too long, too empty. He would call. He figured if Cas did listen to the messages it was probably at the same time every night.

At night before bed, Dean called again, listened to Cas say goodnight then hung up. He just needed to hear his voice before he went to sleep. It didn't always help. Sometimes he would still grab his blanket and drag it into Cas room and sleep on futon.

He cried more then he would admit to anyone.

He also drank more then he would admit to anyone. But at least he didn't leave the house now when he did it.

Everything in his own house reminded him so much of Cas. The door jam in the bathroom. The shower. The piano. The couch down stairs. The kitchen..every part of the kitchen had been touched and softened by Cas. His own room was the worst. There was not a space in there that hadn't been branded CAS sometimes Dean would pull the old leather couch over by the bed and pretend Cas was asleep on it, watching over him.

Sometimes Dean would go down to the Crossroads and sit in the back where no one really saw him and watch the performers. It somehow made him feel closer to Cas.

He wasn't even safe at work. When he was cleaning out his old office he found the blue tie Cas has been wearing the night of his dad's memorial. The one Dean had taken off of him when they were fooling around on his desk. Dean hung it from the rear view mirror of BABY.

He didn't tell Cas his heart was broken. He didn't tell him he was pretty sure this must be what love feels like. And he didn't tell him that everytime that phone went to voicemail, Deans heart hurt a little more.

He just left his message. He let Cas know he was there. That he cared. That he wanted him to be happy. Because Dean did. He did want Cas to be happy, he just wished Cas could be happy with him again. But when you feel that spark that sets you both on fire, that his mom always talked about, you let it burn. So that's what Dean did and he hoped Cas would come home before it burned him down.

* * *

 

**MAY 10:** Hi Cas. Just wanted to tell you. The reason I keep calling. I promised. I would tell you goodnight EVERY night. No matter what. Cause you never know baby. we just never know what might happen. so. Goodnight Cas. I'll Talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

* * *

 

**MAY 15:** Hey Cas. So I know I might be coming off as some kind of stalker. So, if you want me to stop calling.. call me. Tell me that. and ill stop. Ill know. fuck..tell me anything Cas. ok. Goodnight Cas I'll tak to you tomorrow ***Beep***

* * *

**APRIL 7TH - 1 AM**

"Hello. Is this Castiel Novak"

Cas looked at his phone, he was a little drunk and it seemed weirdly official "Yes... who's speaking"

"Mr. Novak. This is Dr. Jameson Im Calling from Northwest memorial Hospital. We have..had an Amelia Christian here. You know her correct?"

Amelia? .. God that had been almost a year ago that Cas had been in Chicago and met sweet Amelia. They were both kind of lost and found comfort in each other that night. Wait.. Doctor?..hospital... "Uh.. yes sir.. Is she alright?"

"Uhm. I'm sorry. This is the hardest part of my job. She.. she didn't make it Mr. Novak. But the baby is fine"

"baby??"

"Yes. You have a beautiful baby girl. She is a bit premature but as long as she is kept stable and doesn't travel she should be ok"

Cas' head was spinning he was rapidly doing the math...it fit.. it could be his..

"Uhm.. I'm sorry Doctor. I don't mean to sound callous but.. I had no idea a baby even existed before this phone call"

The doctor sighed "I see. That does complicate things but I feel I should stress the facts for you Mr. Novak so you can make an informed decision. Amelia listed you on all her records as the father. She has now passed away. We have an infant here in our hospital simply called baby girl Novak. We can keep her for 3 days awaiting her custodial guardian. After that she becomes a ward of the state. Which means when she is able, she will go into the system and hopefully be adopted. Amelia had no other family Mr. Novak. Its just you for this little girl or not. That's your call I suppose"

Cas was in utter shock. Dean barely was accepting him. How in the hell could he bring a baby into all this. But Cas was alone, in an orphanage, and he grew up there. If this baby was his, he couldn't leave her with the same fate. He had to go.

"Doctor. Keep her safe. I'll .. Ill be there as soon as I can. Also, I'm going to need to schedule a blood test. I need to be sure she is mine"

"Yes of course Mr. Novak. I look forward to you meeting her. She really is quite the angel"

Cas hung up the phone and his face was stricken, someone touched his shoulder

Fergy said " are you ok? you look as if you have seen a ghost?"

Cas had an idea " I need your help. How good are you at lying?"

Fergy Laughed " Darling.. I'm the best"

* * *

**MAY 18:** hi cas *cough cough* Im not feeling so *cough* so well. but im fuck *cough* fucking calling anyway. *cough* Goonight Cas *cough* I'll talk to you *cough* Later ***beep***

**MAY 19:** Hello Castiel. This is charlie. we spoke before. Dean says you wont fucking believe this shit ,he has fucking Pnemonia. That's a quote. Im calling you because he says its mandatory oh wait he wants to say something... _Cas *cough cough cough* Goodnight._ ***beep***

**MAY 20:**  Hi Cas. Its charlie again. sorry. Dean really cant talk. he says he needs to call every night. I'm just supposed to say goodnight but between you and me .. you-really-fricken-suck-for-this-ok . ok. so your message is Goodnight Cas. He will talk to you tomorrow ***Beep***

**MAY 21:** um ok,  he's delirious with fever so im just gonna put the phone on speaker here  _CAS!!!! CAS!! THE MONSTERS! CAS! PLEASE! YOU PROMISED CAS! YOU SAID YOU'DE WATCH OUT FOR ME! CAS!!! *SOBBING*_ oh.. shoot ***beep***

The phone had accidently hit the send message button and Charly was about to call it back to give the same damn message that Dean had instructed when he phone rang back,

"Hello?"

"This is Cas.. put him on the phone"

"Well he cant really talk.."

"I understand that Charlie! Put the phone on speaker and put it where he can hear me. please do it. now"

Charlie ran over to the bed, Dean was flailing and crying. He kept reaching out like he was searching for something but nothing was there

"ok your on speaker phone'

From the other side of the phone Cas heard Dean " Cas!!! PLEASE!!! CAS..."

Cas spoke" Dean.. Dean its ok.. shhh"

Dean immedietly calmed his blinded fevered eyes searched for the room "Cas?"

Cas' voice broke a little "Yes Dean, its ok. Everything will be ok shhh lets just calm down"

Charlie said to the phone " he keeps reaching for something"

Cas' voice was gruff "hold his hand"

"on it" charlie held his hand and Dean calmed more

Dean cried "Cas.. Im scared"

Cas was barely keeping it together " i know baby... but.. do you remember what your mom used to say to you/'

Dean nodded even though Cas couldn't see "She said.. angels were watching over me"

"Thats right.. and monsters cant get you if angels are watching right?"

Dean started crying again " but your not here to watch over me.. Cas... "

Cas kept his voice as soothing as he could " its ok baby. .. please don't cry.. im here, listen to the sound of my voice"

Dean calmed a little "Cas.. will you sing me to sleep.."

Cas inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly " uhm... yes.. i'll sing to you Dean.. I dont't know what.."

Charlie piped in quickle "somewhere out there!"

Cas went to reply to her " but thats from Fivel.."

Charlie was stern "just sing it castiel"

Cas' voice quivered but he sang out an acapella version

 

  
_**Somewhere out there** _   
_**Beneath the pale moonlight** _   


 

_you can do this he though_

  
_**Someone's thinking of you** _   
_**And loving you tonight** _   


 

_He was starting to cry but he continued_

__

  
_**Somewhere out there** _   
_**Someone's saying a prayer** _   


  
_**That we'll find one another** _   
_**In that big somewhere out there** _   


 

_Cas' voice cracked and shook but he still continued tears rolling down his face_

 

  
_**And even though I know how very far apart we are** _   
_**It helps to think we might be wishing** _   
_**On the same bright star** _   


  
_**And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby** _   
_**It helps to think we're sleeping** _   
_**Underneath the same big sky** _   


 

_He spoke to Dean , through his tears" Are you listening baby?" and sang_

 

  
_**Somewhere out there** _   
_**If love can see us through** _   
_**Then we'll be together** _   
_**Somewhere out there** _   
_**Out where dreams come true** _   


 

 

 

 

Cas broke down crying.

 

Charlie got on the phone she was whispering " I took you off speaker phone. he's asleep"

Cas cried "good"

Charlie felt like she should say something "uhm..so..thanks for calling"

Cas broke in and even crying he sounded angry "Charlie. you don't know me so this is going to come off as REALLY offensive but don't EVER do that to me again. That just shattered my heart into a thousand pieces.And by the way, about me "sucking"... I know you care about Dean and that's great cause it means you will look after him but don't presume to know me because you don't know SHIT about my life or my situation. So maybe think about that before you go passing fucking judgment on people ok? "

charlie spoke quickly " wait wait.. don't hang up. I have to do the message thing.. I promised. so.. goodnight Cas"

Cas cut her off "I'll wait and hear it from Dean's voicemail"

He hung up.

Charlie heard Dean stir and whisper "Cas..."

She hurried over and reset the recording she had just took of Cas singing and set it to loop. Dean sighed and fell back asleep. Charlie whispered out-loud " ok.. so maybe he suck's LESS"

* * *

 

Cas went in Clair's room and picked her up. He wrapped the blanket around her and sat in the rocker. He tiny baby hand touched his face.

"Yes Clair. Daddy's crying. Its ok though. Everything will be ok princess. Daddy's just missing someone"

He held her for a while and just rocked her. He wouldn't give her up. She was his. DNA had confirmed it and so had his heart when he saw her. He just didn't know what to do about her AND Dean. 

She started to fuss and he started to sing to her 

**_Look at whats happened to me_ **

**_I cant believe it myself_ **

**_Suddenly I'm up on top of the world_ **

**_Could have been somebody else_ **

**_Believe it or not I'm walking on air_ **

**_I never thought I could feel so free_ **

 

"Is that... the Greatest American Hero?" the blonde laughed

Cas just smiled at Clair "Yes. It calms her. We watched alot of 80's reruns in the hospital"

She shook her head " OK.. so.. you want me to take her?"

" No. I think we're ok for now Julie but thank you. I actually need you to get some rest. I'll need you to watch her overnight. I have to go out of town"

She cocked her head " Your voicemail guy?"

Cas Held Clair and looked out the window at the stars " Lets just say.. I made a loved one a promise and I intend to keep it"

 


	14. Good morning Beautiful

_**MAY 22:**  _Cas. Its charlie. we had to take Dean to St. Charles Hospital. I'm sorry I called on my phone. Those god damn assholes took his phone. Dean is gonna FREAK OUT. He calls you everyday! so this is me calling FOR him. Good night Cas. Hopefully Dean will talk to you Tomorrow. ***Beep***

* * *

 

Dean had been put on oxygen for his breathing and they put in an IV to keep him hydrated. They had finally got his temperature regulated but that was one cold as fuck ice bath. And those god damn assholes had taken his phone. Sam and Jess had gone home cause Dean said he was fine but really he just knew they were tired. Now he was in a hospital, of all places, alone. His eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling for a minute and heard it start to rain. He shifted his gaze to look out the window and.. could he be hallucinating? Had they given him any drugs? Not that he knew of?

"Cas?"

Cas stirred on the chair by the bed. He was wearing a black long sleeve t-shirt that just said **I Rock** in white letters on the front and a pair of faded jeans that were surprisingly intact. It was the most covered up Dean had ever seen him.

"Dean. Your awake. Are you ok?"

Deans lip quivered and a tear ran down his cheek " Are you really here? This isn't some kind of hallucination is it?"

Cas had tears in his eyes, he reached over and held Deans hand " I'm really here. I'm sorry you had to wake up in a hospital, this must be killing you"

Dean wiped a hand over his mouth "Cas. I opened my eyes and you were here, I'd wake up in hell for that" another tear ran down his face

Cas closed his eyes and the tears he had been holding fell. He got up from his chair and sat on the bed next to Dean. He allowed himself to rest his hand on Deans leg.

" I had a promise to keep. Plus, my tough guy doesn't like hospitals and I was afraid id have to get rough with you" he smiled through his tears

Dean smiled but the tears still occasionally fell "I'm not so tough anymore Cas. Shit.. I cry all the time. I just miss you so.. so god damn much. I wasn't gonna do this. I was gonna be strong, but baby... I'm sorry ok. I screwed up Cas. But we can fix this. I just.. " Dean cried

Cas was crying now too "Shhh. Come on now. You listen ok. You listen to me Dean Winchester. We don't need to fix it because it isn't broken."

Cas scooted up on the cot and put his hand cupping Dean's face " You say your not strong. But you are so much stronger then I am. I can't even make a damn phone call. You have called me EVERY night and I just listen to those messages and I'm wrecked and I stare at the phone and I can't call. I knew.. I knew.. hearing your voice.. I'd want to see you"

He laughed with no humor "and I was right... here I am. I cant stay Dean. "

Deans eyes just closed and tears ran down his cheeks like he had been given a death sentence " So.. is this it then? You come to say goodbye in person?"

Cas took Deans face in both his hands and kissed his lips as best he could around the oxygen "no.. baby, no" 

Cas' hands were shaking, Deans hands came up and covered them with his own, he opened those green eyes to stare right into the eyes that he had missed achingly "talk to me Cas"

Cas moved his hands back from Deans face but kept a hold of Deans hands" I can't really explain everything yet. I came today because, how could I not? And.. I know you have asked alot of questions, on voicemail. I want to give you those answers. I made a list. Ok If I just read it? "

Dean kissed Cas' hand "Sure baby"

Cas pulled out a sheet of paper and as he read his voice quivered :

  1. I can't believe you punched Crowley/Fergy in the mouth. It was kind of a jealous move but.. kinda hot *he laughed a little*
  2. Im sorry? what? you slept with Crowley? actually.. I kind of figured that out and lol 3 for 3. baby do not look up that ex!
  3. Not all my shows were indoors but, whats more rockstar they jamming in the rain *he looked up and smiled at Dean*
  4. Yes. We definitely need to make love in the Impala in the rain. Id like that *he smiled and a tear fell*
  5. Sister Christian on the Radio. Always a good sign. *he winked at Dean*
  6. I'm glad you did YOUR office in wood and color. fuck all that glass. id like to see it someday *his voice was getting choked*
  7. yes. I am so very proud of you for crying because you were Sad and for remembering that's ok" *tears ran down his face*
  8. Like I said about the Crowley thing, I sort of already knew. No face punching necessary *he wiped his face and smiled a little*
  9. I AM coming home. I don't know if you will still want me, but I'm coming home, just not yet.
  10. please. please. don't ever go to **Hellhounds** bar again. and please don't go out drinking alone. I beg of you. 
  11. Thank you for apologizing for being reckless about drinking but you didn't tell me anything too bad you just said "I miss your face,and your kisses,and your lava lamp,and your stars,and your milk crates. It would have been funny if it hadn't of made me cry. It also made me change my message because you needed something you could hold onto *he took a deep breath and wiped some more of the tears*
  12. The cheese I used on your sandwich was that smokey apple one. I cant really tell you more then that. it was some fancy shit. *he laughed*
  13. 2 pieces of PIE? damn I wish I could have seen that
  14. I remember EVERY time we had sex Dean. The hard, the soft, all of it. And yes, very good boy, love that you still say my name *he inhaled and closed his eyes then sighed*
  15. the message was a bit of a tease and THANK GOD you are only sleeping with me. I know that's probably unfair but.. thank god. I couldn't bear it
  16. Thank you for the permission baby, I'll pass. There is only one man for me, you
  17. YES Sundays are so hard *he smiled wistfully* I never even realized you noticed my eyes
  18. You cry anytime you want baby, its not unfair to me, you are allowed your pain
  19. *it took Cas a minute to read this one and when he did his voice was shaking and he was crying* Yes. I miss you. I miss you more then I could ever express. and everyday. Please don't ever doubt that.
  20. You DO NOT have to be a better guy for me, you are the best guy already. I just want to be able to show that to the world.
  21. everything about you and me blows my mind so the length of time me being gone vs the time i was there is just one more thing
  22. You said your heart left your body to travel around with mine, that's good because if it didn't, I wouldn't have one at all since I left mine with you



"There's more but.. ill just..leave this here"

Dean nodded he was crying so much he could barely see

Cas set the list on the nightstand by Deans bed and Kissed the top of Deans forehead. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist and Cas hugged his head to his chest

Cas whispered "I'm here baby. I'm here"

They stayed like that for a while each one just needing to feel the other near. 

Finally Dean pulled back a little. His eyes had finally dried and he trusted himself to speak "when do you have to leave"

Cas rubbed his back and crawled up in the bed with him "Don't worry, I'll stay with you tonight"

Dean breathed in and back out "Cas. When you go this time. Please don't leave without saying goodbye. its worse"

Cas nodded "i'm sorry"

Dean curled his body around Cas' and slid his hand under his shirt to rest over his tattoo "you did what you thought you had to"

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and shook his head " i don't deserve you"

Dean took it in the negative on purpose and smiled into Cas' chest "probably not, but your stuck with me anyway"

Cas laughed and it both made Dean feel better and Hurt a little more at the same time. 

Dean whispered "Goodnight Cas. I'll talk to you in the morning"

Cas kissed Deans cheek "Good night Dean.I'll be here"

Since they were in a hospital room Cas quietly hummed the bars to "i'm your man" so Dean could fall asleep and Cas fell asleep too holding Dean and wishing to god he didn't have to let him go again. Neither man said the words that hung in the air and floated around everything else they said. Sometime, even the good words, hurt too much when the situation is so tentative.

***

Dean woke in the morning alone.

He sat up and his heart was rapidly beating and his eyes were wild.

Cas came running in scared "are you ok? whats wrong?"

Dean grabbed his hand tightly. His breath raspy" I thought you had done it to me again. I thought you were gone."

Cas' eyes grew pain-filled "is this.. is this what i did to you last time?"

Dean looked at Cas " No. THIS. Isn't even close. You weren't here when I woke up."

Dean let go of Cas' hand

Cas faltered "I just.. I just went to get coffee. God Dean I had no idea"

Dean stared at the ceiling " now you do"

Cas ran his hand through his hair "and to think..I wasn't even sure you would miss me"

Dean's eyes were so angry when they turned to look at Cas "really? Then you are stupider then you look"

Cas was caught in that angry stare "Dean.. that's not fair"

"not fair? That's not fair? No. Ill tell you whats not fair Cas. Not fair is throwing your whole fucking heart at someone and waking up to an empty room. Only to find out they didn't think you would really even miss them. THAT'S not fair."

Cas sat down on the chair by the bed " your right Dean, that wasn't fair. I was a coward."

Dean shook his head "No. Stop.  i don't wanna do this Cas. Come over here please. I'd come to you but.. Im a little tied up at the moment' He held up the IV

Cas came over to the bed. Dean yanked out the oxygen tube and tossed it. " Fuck it. Ok. I don't wanna fight. I have an asshole button that tends to go off around you and I'm trying to change that Cas, I really am. I guess I'm just more angry then I thought I was.

But I don't care. Cause god dammit, you are not walking out that door again without kissing me goodbye.

Do you hear me? And not some half ass kiss either. A real, honest-to-god-feel-that-spark KISS Cause I'm gonna need that kiss to keep me going till my baby comes home. If he comes home. ok?"

Cas Knelt one knee on the hospital bed and Lay over Dean and cradled his face in his hands. He opened Deans mouth with his and massaged his tongue with Cas' tongue. He bit his full bottom lip and caused Dean to moan low in his throat. Cas ran his tongue across Deans lips moistening them and then Cas pulled back so there lips were touching and whispered against Deans lips _"A kiss that holds a promise in it, I will be coming back"_ and then he Deepened the kiss again and let the last 2 months pour over and through that kiss, all the days and night of missing and yearning and aching into one goodbye kiss. 

Cas Crawled back down from the bed after insisting Dean put the oxygen back in place. He got his coat and then stood by Dean's bed. Cas fucking hated goodbyes.

Dean wiped a tear from his eye and said with false bravado " If your going now, then go, your breaking my fucking heart here"

Cas smiled and kissed his forehead "There's my tough guy. Goodbye Baby. '

"Goodbye Angel"

Cas turned to walk away and he couldn't help but smile when in old familiar fashion he heard it

"Hey Cas.."

He turned around "Yes Dean"

"Call me in the mornings ok? I swear I won't pick up. I'll want to. But I won't. Leave me a message. Tell me good morning. Can you do that much?"

Cas smiled " Yes. I think that's fair. I'll call you in the morning."

Dean smiled " and I'll call you tonight, if those fuckers give me back my phone

Cas laughed "if not..Charlie will. That's a hell of a hell of a secretary Dean"

And without another word, just like that, Once again the love of his life was gone but at least this time Dean was smiling a little bit through the tears

* * *

 

Cas called Charlie when he left the hospital and told her that he would just pretend she had called as he was certain they weren't going to be giving Dean his phone. She rattled off his message anyway and he let her and then boarded his flight back to Chicago and back to the other half of his heart. Clair.

* * *

 

They finally released Dean from the hospital the following morning around 9 am and thankfully returned his phone to him. He was surprised to see he had a voicemail

_**MAY 25:**  _Hi Dean. I'm just keeping my promise. I made it back safely. Hope they let you out. Just wanted to say Good Morning Beautiful, Have a good Day ***beep***

Sam had come over to drive Dean home and saw the tears in his eyes 

"Hey. You alright?"

Dean nodded " yea Sammy. I think I am."

He got home and told Sam he was tired and would call if he needed anything. Dean trudged up the stairs and entered his room and stopped dead. Hanging above his bead was a disco ball with stars instead of circles. There was a note attached to it. Dean pulled the note off and it said

**_" I got you one for above your bed too. So, If it helps, were sleeping underneath the same stars. Love, Cas ~ Always Your Angel "_ **

Dean pinned the note to his CAS calender where he marked the days and he lay down and looked up at Cas' stars 


	15. No more Sad songs

_**JUNE 4** _

Cas Paced the doctors office nervously. His nanny Julie had to hold Clair because he was afraid she would feel his anxiety. Finally the doctor came in. 

"Castiel. Good to see you. How is baby Clair. Getting Big, she's what, 2 months now?"

Cas just nodded "Yes 2. She's great. Doc you know why I'm here"

Doctor Jameson sat down "Yes Mr. Novak. You want to know if Clair is well enough to travel yet"

* * *

 

Dean woke up. Shut off his alarm checked his phone, no new voicemails yet. He left his phone in his room so he wouldn't be tempted to answer it and went to take a shower.

After his shower he made his Latte went back upstairs and checked his phone again. He had 1 new voicemail. Dean smiled and put it on speaker phone to listen while he

started to pick what to wear to work.

 _ **June 4th :**  _Hi Dean.. Its me ... baby... I'm coming home." 

Dean's coffee cup fell from his hand and he turned and stared at the little speaker on his phone

"For good this time. I'll be at the bar tonight, meet me at 8.. I can't wait to see you.. and good morning beautiful. Have a fucking amazing day ***beep***

Dean was stunned. He sat down on the floor of his bedroom in his towel. He didn't even notice the coffee pooling around him.He slowly smiled, then he laughed, then he started crying while he was laughing.

Cas was coming home.

* * *

 

Cas packed like a man possessed. He was so excited. He missed Dean so much. Even though he had kept his word and had messaged in the morning and Dean at night and Cas would usually use the morning to answer Deans questions or concerns from the night before. It wasn't the same. It wasn't supposed to be. That was the point, if it felt too intimate Cas couldn't have lasted all this time till Clair was cleared for not only travel but air travel.

Clair stirred in her bassinet. Cas went over and looked in. What was Dean going to do when he found out about her? Cas had given that allot of thought. He knew now that he did in fact love Dean Winchester, even if he was NOT going to be the first one to say it, but he also knew he couldn't afford to play with Clair's feelings. Cas was certain of that. Even if it broke his heart irreparably, he wouldn't play anymore games. Dean was going to have to be either all in or all out. Cas knew maybe that wasn't fair but it wasn't about fair anymore it was about right.

But deep down he prayed to every facet of a deity that Dean just looked at her and loved her and loved Cas and everything wouldn't have to be an issue. 

The small moving fan arrived and assured Cas that all of his things would be in town by 9. Julie was coming with them but then Cas would be sending her back home on the red eye. Chicago was her home and ever though she had gotten attached to Clair she couldn't leave her home.

Cas was worried about being all alone with Clair but now that his Album was recorded _**Personal Spaces**  _The real Deal he had signed with Crowley in return for his help with getting him out there to Clair. He would have more time. He already said he wasn't doing a tour. The record was a one time shot. It wasn't any original music, just covers to "get his voice out there" as Crowley had said. The check that was cut to him when he finished the album seemed astronomical though. It was enough to easily put Clair through college, or live off of if Dean didn't..NO, Cas wasn't even going to think that way. 

He collected the rest of his and Clair's things and Headed down to wait for the Taxi to take them to the airport and to take them home.

* * *

 

Dean was so nervous. He sweating like whore in church. He had dressed down cause he thought it would be a nice surprise for Cas to see him in the tight black t-shirt and blue jeans that hugged his ass and showed off his package. He had even bought himself his own pair of black boots to go with the outfit. But now he felt like he was without his armor. They were already at the bar and waiting for Cas.

Sam rubbed his head "Dean. Stop pacing he will be here."

"What if he doesn't show?"

Jess rubbed his back "oh. hunny. he'll show"

"What if he doesn't? What if he changes his mind?"

Just then Cas walked in the bar. Dean stopped pacing. He stopped talking. He stopped moving. Cas was in his signature leather jeans with his black button down with the white angel wings across the shoulder blades and he had BABY2 strapped to his back. 

He scanned the crowd and then his face broke into a grin when he saw the trio. But he only had eyes for Dean. He carefully took off his guitar and handed it to Jess and then he leaned in to kiss Dean and

Dean stepped back and in a crowded bar with music playing he _lowered_ his voice

"hey.. baby, Why don't we sit down"

Cas cocked his head to the side "I thought for sure we were past this Dean"

Jess and Sam hurriedly sat at their table

Dean looked anxious "past what? come on Cas. I've missed you. Lets just find a table ok"

Cas didn't look mad, just tired "Dean? am i your guy?"

"Yes of course you are"

"ok.. so... no one else then?"

"no. Cas, of course not"

Cas nodded " and you have no immediate plans to change that? Don't wanna start..pitching for the other team again?"

Dean laughed nervously "No. baby. I just want you. Ok. So Can we please sit down"

Cas shook his head " no. No we can't. you don't want me to sit down Dean. You want me to back down"

Dean ran his hand through his hair "back down from what?"

"step into my personal space Dean"

"what?"

"Step into my personal space. Close the distance between us"

"Cas come on. Look its not like I haven't been making an effort. Sam and Jess know, Uncle bobby knows, most of my friends know"

"Look Dean, I would love to be patient with you, But, circumstances recently in my life have dictated that I don't get that luxury so. Im not asking you to make out with me. Im just asking you to step into the space I occupy in such a way that it is clear to those around us via body language that we are probably more then friends"

" Come on baby... Its a crowded bar.. full of strangers"

"There will always be a crowded something Dean"

Dean stood there, what was his problem? Even he didn't know why he didn't just run and hold Cas. He couldn't seem to make his legs move. Cas stood 3 steps away from him. Hands at his side. Waiting. 

Dean took the offense "I have called you EVERY day, Cas. You can't doubt my feelings"

"That's the fucked up part Dean, I dont. It just kind of blows my mind after everything we have been through the hardest thing for you is still 3 little steps"

Cas' phone rang "Yea? ok.. no, no problem. I'll be there in half an hour"

Cas waited. Dean didn't move. "huh...wow..ok..I gotta go"

He picked up his guitar and walked out

Jess walked up next to Dean "Dean..what the hell was that..go after him"

Dean shook his head.

"Uhm excuse me. Hi I'm Lu. I run this bar. You were here a few months back right. you sang?"

Dean cleared his throat "uh..yes sir"

"I thought that was you. So my problem is, Cas was supposed to do a number for me and..he just baled. Would you mind? We have a whole song book, we can throw the lyrics on a monitor for you. It'll be allot like Karaoke.. but with a band? You can sing anything you want"

Dean nodded" uh.. yea.. sure"

***

FUCK ME Cas thought Are you kidding me? Did that just happen? Did Dean just slink back in the fucking closet?

He heard Lu announce Dean was going to be singing. Great..great! That taxi needed to hurry Cas had no shield against Dean's singing voice.

He heard the first cords of the song and furrowed his brow, then he heard the opening lyrics

 

_**There'll be no strings to bind your hands  
Not if my love can find your heart** _

Cas mouthed"NO. FUCKING.WAY."

_**And there's no need to take a stand  
For it was I who choose to start** _

Cas poked his head in the door.. yeeep..yep! it was that song alright!

 _**I see no need to take** _ **me** _**home**_

_**I'm old enough to face the dawn** _

Against his better judgement Cas came back inside, his feet taking him to the tables by the stage

 ** _Just call me angel of the morning ,angel_**  
**Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby**  
**Just call me angel of the morning, angel**  
**Then slowly turn away from me**  
  
Cas was talking to himself , Ok.. just cause Dean chose what Dean called 'the gayest song ever' doesn't mean anything, doesn't fix the issue. 

Then Dean saw Cas and he smiled and got down off the stage and walked so close to Cas there was barely room for Deans Microphone

 ** _Maybe the sun's light will be dim_**  
**And it won't matter anyhow**  
**If morning's echoes say we've sinned**  
**Well, it was what I wanted now**  
  
Dean looked up Cas and back down so seductively Cas nearly blushed and it was obvious to anyone they were lovers

 **And if we're victims of the night**  
_**I won't be blinded by the light**_  
  
Dean cupped Cas' cheek in his hand

 ** _Just call me angel of the morning angel_**  
**Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby**  
**Just call me angel of the morning angel**  
**Then slowly turn away, I won't beg you to stay with me**  
  
Dean playfully pushed Cas back a little away from him

 ** _Through the tears, or the day, or the years_**  
  
Dean smiled then belted out in his beautiful Voice

**_Baaaaaaaaaaaaaby_ **

**_Just call me angel of the morning angel  
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby  
Just call me angel of the morning angel  
Just touch my cheek before you leave me,_** ** _darling_**  
  
  
He came over and put his hand on Cas face again

 **Just call me angel of the morning angel**  
**Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling**  
  
Forgetting the microphone was still there Dean said "'I'm sorry Cas. I'm an Idiot"

The crowd said "Awe!!"

Cas smiled and pushed the mic down so it wasn't at Dean's mouth, someone came up and took it.

"Yea.. but your recovery is getting much quicker"

Dean smiled "Yea...well..how's this for entering your personal space?"

Dean Winchester Wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and in a room full of strangers picked him up and kissed him.

The crowd went wild with cheers and for no particular reason accept that the crowd loved it the band started playing the song again and Dean twirled Cas around. So Dean got his own Angel of the morning, Totally gay, But secretly kinda cool, Slow-mo spinny kiss.

"Hey uh..did someone call a taxi!"

The music stopped. Dean eased Cas back to the ground. Cas looked at him. "Im coming back, I just need to take care of something"

Deans eyes looked wary 

Cas took his face in his hands "I'm coming back. Meet me at the house in an hour" and then, cause he could, Cas kissed Dean again and grinned when Dean just smiled

Cas ran out of the Bar.

Dean was still smiling when Jess and Sam came over to Dean "Now THAT'S how its done. You told him you loved him right?"

Dean looked at Sam and  Jess "shit"

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Shoot shoot fudging Shoot

Dean was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. He had changed into flannel pajamas and a grey v-neck. He sat staring at the door tapping his foot, his phone clutched in his hand. He wondered if this is how Cas had felt the night Dean got him his guitar. Just sitting and waiting for that lock to turn in the door, for the door to open, for the right man to walk through and be ok and be home. Dean was pretty sure Cas was ok, he was even pretty sure he really was coming. Cas had never broken a promise, but the waiting was agonizing none-the-less. He was listening to his Cas playlist to calm himself. It had just started playing **Angel with a shotgun**  by **The Cab** when he saw the lock turn. He shut off his phone and looking up at Cas he smiled.

"You used your key"

Cas was smiling too " should I have knocked?"

"no..god no. I was just glad your still comfortable to..

what is that?" Dean pointed at the baby carrier Cas had set inside the door when he came in.

***

Cas looked over " its..uh..Its a baby"

Dean's eyes widened and he stood up "yea! I see that Cas. What's it doing here?"

Cas smiled even though he was nervous and could see Dean freaking out "She came with me"

Claire started to cry kicking her feet and setting the baby seat rocking

Dean backed up a step looking panicked " Its crying! why is it crying?"

This wasn't how Cas thought he was going to break the news to Dean but he decided nothing else in their relationship had gone by some kind of normal text-book route so.. ok.. here goes ..

" She wants me. She gets cranky when she's away from her daddy"

Cas went over and took her out of her seat

***

Dean felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He couldn't get enough air. 

"You're?... You?...Her what?" He was wheezing

He backed up and sat down hard on the bottom step. He put his nose and mouth in his hands and was taking gasping breaths.

"Cas! What the fu...dge! Your gay! How the hell are you her daddy? oh I'm gonna throw up..no..im ok"

Dean put his head between his knees

***

Cas was bouncing Claire against his shoulder watching the man he loved have a full blown melt down. All he could do was try to be as calm and rational as possible and pray like hell his tough guy was tough enough for one more challenge.

"Baby. I told you. Before I met you, I was MOSTLY gay. I met her mom one night 11 months ago in Illinois. She was a waitress. We were both lost and found comfort in each other. Then I hit the road, I did that allot too before I met you. I swear to you Dean I didn't even know about this little princess till 2 months ago"

Dean looked up "So you were what? Like.. some kind of a ho? Just tapping ass..isstants at every bar in the country??"

Cas cleared his throat " Something like that. But you weren't exactly a saint. Anyway, I think we are sort of loosing sight of the point here" his eyes drifted to Claire

Dean started rocking " shiiii... shoot. shoot. shoot fudgin shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot. fricken shoot"

Cas thought it was actually sweet that in the middle of a panic attack Dean was still aware of his language and was trying to curb it because there was a baby there

But Cas couldn't argue with the fact that Dean WAS having a full blown, all out panic attack. 

"Dean.. I realize I just sort of dropped this on you. We can go and let you process if you want"

Dean looked up "Cas. If it wasn't like creepy Cassanova in the movie Kiss the girls I would board your ass in this house so you could never leave again. Just give me a damn second to process all this ok?"

Cas let out a breath he didn't know he was holding " Ok Dean. Take all the time you need"

Cas shushed Claire and bounced her

Dean wiped his hand over his mouth, he seemed to be talking to himself  " you decide you might not have a family cause you work to much, then.. you finally accept that you're gay so kids are definitely off the dang table and then your lover comes home with a fudging kid"

Cas smiled

Dean looked confused "why are you smiling?"

"You said you were gay"

Dean threw his hands out "Yea Cas! I am in an exclusive long term relationship with a guy. Doesn't get more gay then that!"

Cas tried to cover his smile " **I** know that. It's just really nice to hear **you** have realized that"

Dean pointed accusingly at the baby " now who is loosing site of the issue at hand?"

***

Dean lay his head back on the stairs and it hit his phone

_**They say before you start a war** _

_**You better know what your fighting for** _

_**Yea baby you are all that I adore** _

_**If love is what you need** _

_**A soldier I will be** _

 

Dean sat back up and shut off his phone again

He rubbed his face vigorously

"Ok..ok...bring her here"

Cas tilted her away a little

"Cas! Im not gonna break her. Bring her closer. Since you picked her up all I have seen is the back of her head. Don't you think I should at least get to see this kids face?"

***

Cas took a deep breath and walked over to Dean. He trusted him it was just.. trepidation..

He sat down next to Dean and shifted Clair so Dean could see her. Dean looked over at her brow furrowed and Cas realized...

He'd worried for nothing.

Dean's whole face softened, he took in a tiny slip of air, and smiled a tender smile. He looked up at Cas in wonder.

He said reverently "Cas.. she's got _your eyes"_

***

When Cas had brought the baby over Dean was nervous to see the child that Cas was clearly not walking away from. He had glanced over not knowing what to expect and saw

the most beautiful of unexpected surprises. He told Cas she had his eyes. What Dean hadn't been able to express in words was the exactness of her eyes in comparison to Cas' they were the same shape, the same exact shade of blue, they seem to have the same soul piercing clarity to them. She was absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, Cas' child and she had inherited the one piece of Cas that Dean loved and missed the most about Cas. It made him somehow ok with the baby, even if it wasn't rational.She was beautiful.

"Can I... Try to hold her?"

Cas smiled sweetly and said sure. He cautiously handed Dean the little bundle. Dean was terrified. His mouth was dry and he wasn't sure about that having to puke thing but 

he breathed through his nose and he shifted her into the crook of his arm and then all of the sudden like the pin in the free weights she just locked into place. And Dean was 

ok. He smiled down at her. "Ok little cub, Papa bear's got you. Hey there. You the other woman that's been keeping daddy away so long?"

Cas couldn't stand it "oh this is too cute. I'm taking a picture... oh. I have a voice mail"

Dean looked up mischievously "you didn't get my message after you left?"

Cas looked at him " no..."

Dean smiled "Play it.. put it on speaker phone will ya?"

Cas shrugged and obliged

" Dean whispered to Claire so Cas couldn't hear "Daddy is going to be so surprised.. yes he is.."

 

 **JUNE 4TH:** _Hey baby. Kissing you tonight.. it was better then pie.. it was better then vanilla latte's.. hell Cas.. it was better then air. Come home tonight so I can kiss you again._

 _Goodnight baby. I love you. Always_   ***Beep***

 

 

Cas looked over at Dean and he had tears in his eyes

"You love me?"

Dean shifted so he was facing Cas with baby Claire in his arms

" Yes Cas. I do. I should have told you a dozen times over and I didn't and then you ran out tonight and I didn't want one more moment to go by without you knowing. I fricken Love you Castiel James Novak. and you know what.." 

Dean looked down at Claire and kissed her on top of the head

"yea.. ok.. sure. Lets do this. Lets do this.. baby raising thing"

Cas Kissed Dean " Dean. You just made me so damn happy. And I love you too. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you the first time I saw you sleep though" Cas laughed

Dean raised his eyebrow "still creepy Cas" He cupped his hand behind Cas' neck and kissed him

"God damn its good to have you back baby.. oh! shoot!" he covered Claires ears

Cas laughed "Dean, its ok. She can't really understand anything you say yet. But its really cute"

 Dean laughed" Oh now you fuckin tell me"

He looked at Claire "Can you believe that? Papa Bear was having a melt down and Daddy didn't do anything about it"

Cas crooked his eyebrow" Papa bear?"

Dean shrugged "not good?"

Cas smiled sweetly and kissed Dean "No. Its good. I actually .. I kind of love it"

Dean was looking at Claire "Hey Cas.. whats her name?"

Cas shook his head "oh man. I'm sorry. Its Claire. Claire Novak."

"After your mom? that's sweet. Whats her middle name?"

Cas looked intently at Dean " She doesn't have one yet. I have up to a year to add it to her birth certificate. I uhm... I hoped.. I hoped we would get to where we are so... you know... you could give it to her. If you want. No pressure though. If you think that's Weird."

Dean's eyes met Cas' "And you wonder why I love you. Yea. I'd like that. How do you feel about Mary? It was my moms name"

Cas was getting choked up "That sounds perfect"

Dean laughed " Ok.. but.. I gotta tell ya. I'm old fashioned. You're gonna have to make an honest man outta me."

Cas shook his head "What does that even mean?"

Dean looked over at Cas and handed him Claire. As he headed up the stairs he shouted down " Your gonna have to propose! Lets show Claire her new room!"

 

Cas' eyes bugged out for a second. Dean wanted to marry him? Like.. in front of people? Fuck. Yes! Best. Day. Ever. 

Just then outside the sky opened up with a torrential downpour. Cas' smile got bigger and he pulled out his Cell phone.

 

He met Dean in the room and for a moment it made his heart hurt for the man he had left. 

Dean cleared his throat "I'll need to clean this place up real quick..let me get a trash bag"

As Dean ran off Cas looked at the room that used to be his. One of Dean's comforters hung off the small futon haphazardly as if it had just been tossed aside when Dean got up. There were a few empty bottles of jack and allot of empty bottles of beer strewn all around the area by the futon. There were calender pages from each month Cas was gone pinned to the wall and the note he had left Dean. On each day he was away there was a large black X to mark the passing. Cas rubbed his fist on his chest where he felt the ache of the pain he left behind in this room. " oh princess..what did Daddy do?"

Dean came up behind him with the trash bag in hand. He wrapped his arms around his waist. "You came home, that's what you did. The rest doesn't matter baby"

Dean kissed him on the neck and cleaned up all the empties. The doorbell rang and Cas told Dean he would get it.

 

When Dean came down stairs there was a perky blonde of about 20 standing in the front hall and a shit ton of baby gear.

Cas introduced her as Julie and explained she was his nanny back home and he had called her to bring over all Claire's stuff.

Dean shook her had "That's very nice of you in this weather. And thank's for taking such good care of our daughter means allot. I'm just going to take this junk to the kitchen real quick."

Cas was soaring Dean had said 'our daughter' " yes thanks Julie. And you'll stay with her right.. like we talked about"

She beemed at him " Your voicemail guy.. holy crap Cas. He is hot as hell!"

Cas smiled and blushed a little " I know. Its disconcerting sometimes how damn perfect he is" he laughed mostly at himself

Julie grinned "well.. I'm actually going to do you one better then just a couple hours. I rescheduled my flight till 4pm tomorrow. So.. I'll stay in Clairs room. You two, make up" she winked at Cas

Cas hugged her "Julie I am loathed to loose you.

She smiled "I know. Im awesome. Im gonna go set up her stuff now. bedroom left or right?" 

Cas told her which way to go and she left to go fix up Claire's room so she could put her to bed. Dean came back out from disposing of all the trash

Cas looked at him "Do you really want a proposal? with a ring and everything? and do you really want a wedding? or you just want us joined for legal reasons"

Dean pretended to be offended "Cas! Are you calling me a gold digger? No but really babe. I don't need a ring at the proposal, but I do want to wear your ring.I want you to wear mine. I don't know all joking aside, I am old fashioned. We have a baby now, Cas, were in love, I don't want anyone but you. And I don't wanna do some stupid court house contract, its just distasteful..its just...something Crowley said. Doesn't matter. I guess I'm comin' out baby, cause were having a big fucking wedding"

Cas laughed and kissed him then Dean pulled back "but that wasn't a proposal cause YOU'RE proposing. Its fair. I said I love you first. You propose"

Cas just had to shake his head "Ok baby. Your insane.. But ok"

A few minutes later Julie came down and said she was ready to take Claire. Cas smiled and looked at Dean. "Get dressed and get your keys"

Dean looked at him "Its pouring outside"

Cas looked pointedly at Dean " Babe. That's. the. point. I'll grab the blanket" he winked at Dean.

Dean ran up the stairs to get dressed. Grabbed his keys, grabbed the bottle of lube and the gift he had kept for Cas and tucked it under his jacket to keep it safe. He ran back down stairs grabbed Cas' hand hollered up the stairs to Julie that they were leaving and they both rushed to Baby giggling in the pouring rain.

Once in the car Dean asked Cas "Where to sexy? Its your magic carpet ride?" 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. All of me, Loves all of You

Cas knew just the place. There was a place on the outskirts of the town that was just old abandoned farm land. Dean drove where Cas told him to without question. There was no doubt in his mind why they were heading out there and he was more then willing to drive as far as Cas wanted to have this moment with him. The Radio was on and it was pumping out a song Dean didn't know. He looked over at Cas, he had his head tossed back and he was singing along to the words and laughing. Dean smiled and laced his fingers through Cas'. Dean had lay there on night's when Cas was gone, listening to the sound of the rain, imagining this very fantasy. God Just being near Cas again, smelling his heady scent of cinnamon and whiskey, feeling Cas' hand in his. It was all to good to be true. As dean was thanking god for sending him Cas, Cas turned down the music. He directed him to a spot to park. Dean spun to a stop and shut off the car.

Dean looked over at Cas and grinned " So we're here.. Now what?"

He was playing coy on purpose. He wanted Cas to take the lead.

The sound of Cas' seat-belt unfastening was sharp in the interior of the car. Cas leaned across the seats and pulled Dean over. His mouth assaulted Deans. This Kiss wasn't sweet or romantic like the one at the bar or chaste like those they had done in front of Claire. This was the kiss of two lovers who had been kept apart by fate and circumstance for two long. Their mouths parted and came together again. Teeth scraping against lips. Tongues darting into each others mouths. Dean's breathing was already labored when he pulled back " back seat?"

"yes"

Both of them having been in a car situation before they slipped off their shoes and jeans in the front seat.Cas tossed the blanket in the back and spread it as best he could and then he slid over the front seat into the back. Dean grabbed something from under his jacket and slid over the the seat as well. The rain pelted at the windows and came down in a heavy sheen cutting them off from the rest of reality. Dean looked at Cas who had propped his jacket behind him as a pillow and was now reclining in the backseat. Dean had effectively landed between Cas' legs when he came over the seat. Dean was feeling so many emotions tonight it kept sweeping him away like the rain outside. He shook his head, and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He focused on Cas' perfect blue eyes and he touched his face "I love you Cas"

Cas closed his eyes and covered Deans hand with his own. He pulled it down and kissed Deans palm. Opening his eyes he looked up into the candy apple green of Deans eyes and whispered " I love you too Dean" 

Dean slipped his shirt over his head and leaned down and kissed Cas. A moan escaped one of them. Cas' hand's trailed up Deans bare back. He missed this. Just the feel of him in his arms. The woodsy leather scent of him filling his senses. Making him dizzy. The hard lines of his body and the softness of his flesh. Its good to be home, Cas thought.

Dean pulled back and kissed down Cas bare chest where his shirt was opened. Cas sat up and took it off. Dean's hand slid up his chest and pressed him back down. Dean was grateful as usual that Cas didn't wear anything under his leather jeans. He wanted to just admire how amazing Cas' body was but his need for Cas' was almost painful after months apart. Cas was fully erect already and Dean took him in his mouth. It felt so good Cas hissed. Dean's head moved slowly exploring,tasting, remembering. He licked Cas from the base of his balls all the way up the tight vein pulsing in his cock to the tip. He tongued the opening, tasting pre-cum. Cas was panting and his hips were shifting. he tipped his head back towards the ceiling.

"Dean... Baby... Its been months.. you're torturing me"

Dean crawled up Cas' body and sucked on his bottom lip pulling with his teeth as he pulled away. 

" I want to make love to you"

Cas snaked his hands in Deans hair and put his forehead against Deans "good. then do it. I'm dying here. I need you"

Dean slipped out of his boxers and  picked up the lube and handed it to Cas. Cas shook his head, No "its all you tonight baby"

Dean lubed up his fingers and started kissing Cas again. He lifted Cas knee for better access and toyed with his asshole. Making him make purring sounds that were driving Dean crazy. He slipped his tongue in Cas' mouth the same point he slipped his finger inside him. Cas moaned into his mouth. Dean's cock jumped in response. Dean started fingering Cas' hole and Cas started murmuring something into Deans mouth. Dean pulled back to hear " please.. please baby.. please"

" I don't wanna hurt you"

Cas bit his lower lip " I'll be fine.. just.. god Dean. I _need_ you. _Please_. Make love to me"

Dean kissed Cas' forehead " ok baby. I got you"

Dean pulled his fingers out. He lubed himself up allot, afraid he might hurt Cas. He sat up and pulled Cas over on top of him on the seat. He loved when Cas was above him like this. Cas positioned himself over Deans cock and then rested his hands on his shoulders.He rotated his hips a few times. His lips were pursed. Then he slowly slid himself onto Dean making little gasping noises as he moved up and down working Deans cock further and further inside him. Whispering "Yes...yes.."

Dean was afraid to move it felt so good to be inside Cas again. His hands were on Cas' waist helping him move and work himself onto his granite cock. Cas' Cock between them was being rubbed by the friction of both of their bodies and it would jump every so often, adding to Deans arousal. 

Finally Cas had buried Dean deep inside. He let out a stuttered "oh.. god yes" and just lay his head against Deans for a second. Then he began to move. Moaning and panting.

Dean was nearly growling. He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and one arm curled up over one shoulder. His hips rotated and jutted forward. The pace wasn't exactly slow. But it was overflowing with so much passion.

The windows were fogged on the inside and the rain hammered on the outside. Not a soul existed but Dean and Cas in that moment reuniting and that spark that Dean had felt with Cas that had become a burn... lit up into a towering inferno. Dean knew in that moment. In the arms of the man he loved. He was never letting him go again.

The fire raged on inside them both building, coalescing , crashing back down. It burned white hot they stared into each others eyes and came as one with their lovers name on their lips. 

 As Dean neared climax he whispered "Cas.." He gripped Cas tighter against him and the friction combined with hearing Dean say his name sent Cas over the edge. The moment Cas Came and shouted "Dean!!!" Dean was a goner and shouting out Cas' name he came as well. 

Sitting up Cas took a portion of the blanket and cleaned off their stomach's. He then slid off of Dean and they wiped off the rest of themselves. Dean shifted so his back was to the side window and Cas crawled to lay between his legs. It was cold outside but it was more then warm enough in the car neither felt the need to get immediately dressed.

Cas checked his phone just to make sure Julie hadn't called. Then he just lay back in Dean's arms, one leg propped up. The rain sounded like it was starting to ease up a bit. They lay there in comfortable silence for a while, Deans fingers lightly running along Cas' arm, just listening to the rain. Distantly Cas became aware they had left the radio on and the song that had just started was a good one so he started singing in to Dean. Dean Just wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head he didn't say anything else while Cas was singing.

 **_What would I do without your smart mouth_ **  
**Drawing me in, and you kicking me out**  
**You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down**  
**What's going on in that beautiful mind**  
**I'm on your magical mystery ride**  
**And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright**

 **_My head's underwater_ **  
**But I'm breathing fine**  
**You're crazy and I'm out of my mind**

 **_'Cause all of me_ **  
**Loves all of you**  
**Love your curves and all your edges**  
**All your perfect imperfections**  
**Give your all to me**  
**I'll give my all to you**  
**You're my end and my beginning**  
**Even when I lose I'm winning**  
**Cause I give you all of me**  
**And you give me all of you, oh oh**

 **_How many times do I have to tell you_ **  
**Even when you're crying you're beautiful too**  
**The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood**  
**You're my downfall, you're my muse**  
**My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues**  
**I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you**

 **_My head's underwater_ **  
**But I'm breathing fine**  
**You're crazy and I'm out of my mind**

 **_'Cause all of me_ **  
**Loves all of you**  
**Love your curves and all your edges**  
**All your perfect imperfections**  
**Give your all to me**  
**I'll give my all to you**  
**You're my end and my beginning**  
**Even when I lose I'm winning**  
**Cause I give you all of me**  
**And you give me all of you, oh**  
**Give me all of you, oh oh**

**_Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts  
Risking it all though it's hard_ **

_**Cause all of me** _  
_**Loves all of you** _  
_**Love your curves and all your edges** _  
_**All your perfect imperfections** _  
_**Give your all to me** _  
_**I'll give my all to you** _  
_**You're my end and my beginning** _  
_**Even when I lose I'm winning** _  
_**Cause I give you all of me** _  
_**And you give me all of you** _

_**I give you all of me** _  
_**And you give me all, of you...** _

As the song faded out Cas sat up. Dean had to wipe his eyes.

"baby.. your always making me cry these days. Bright side. I think it stopped raining at the perfect time" he tried to laugh

Cas kissed him " How many times do I have to tell you, even when you cry your beautiful. Didn't I just sing that? Strait answer, that's what happens when your in love baby"

Dean shrugged " I guess. If you put it that way. I guess its worth it"

Cas sat on his knee's between Deans legs " Which reminds me. .. Dean. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. (not counting Clair) My life was a mess. I had no direction, no purpose, and although I believed in the concept of love I had pretty much given up on finding it for myself. I had been hurt so many times and I didn't think I could ever trust someone again, let alone love them. Then this.. anal retentive, in the closet, stick in the mud, comes into my life and I just can't stop giving a damn about him. Now here we are. After every manner of obstacle my trust issues, your 'gay"issues, your dad (sorry), my past, time, separation, heart break and a baby and we made it baby. We fucking made. So this long ass speech is coming to..Dean.. will you take one more chance with me and do me the honors of Marrying me so we can spend the rest of our lives finding out how many other adventures we have in store?"

Dean had tears running down his face. he punched Cas in the arm " You made me cry AGAIN and fuck yes. I will marry you and that was the best proposal, mine would have sucked." Then he pulled Cas in and kissed him wrapping his arms around his waist. Cas wrapped his arms around Deans neck and kissed him back.

Dean spoke up "Oh.. i forgot.. I have something for you." Cas enjoyed the excellent view of his bare ass as Dean leaned in the front seat and grabbed his jacket.

He handed it to Cas " I didn't have a chance to wrap it or anything..'

Cas pulled out of the jacket a plastic bag, inside the bag was an original 1967 vinyl The Doors self titled first album. Cas' eyes went wide and he looked up at Dean.

"Dean.. how did you?"

Dean was grinning " I found out who Robby Krieger is"

Cas' hand was covering his mouth "yes..you did..Good job. but..how did you FIND this. right here. THIS album?"

Dean looked down " 2 months is a long time.. I had nothing but time..*shrug* I just did"

It was Cas' turn to get misty eyed. he shook his head in astonishment " I am marrying the most amazing man"

He slid it back in its bag and set it in the front seat then slid onto Deans lap and Rubbed his lips against Deans till he opened and let Cas in,Then he kissed him very much how Cas got Dean to fall in love with him. Slowly, then all at once.

***

They finally got dressed and luckily were able to open the windows to let out the steam so Dean drive. They got home and cas told Dean he just had to check on Claire. Dean stopped him.

"Hey. We're in this together now remember? I have no fricken' clue what i'm doing. But.. We're in it together. And I'm sure, just like everything else good in my life, you'll show me how its done"

Cas smiled and took his hand. "ok come on"

They snuck in, Julie was asleep on the futon. They snuck past her and Dean was pleased to see a little mobile with star's hanging from her bassinet. He whispered to Cas "you got her, her own stars" Cas squeezed his hand and smiled. They went over to the basinette and looked in. Claire was laying on her back asleep sucking her thumb. She was wearing little white sleepers. Cas' head drifted over onto Dean's shoulder. Dean kissed the top of his head. "Just one more perfect thing you gave me Cas" 

Cas pulled him from the room and down the hall. They got undressed and put on pajama bottoms in case Claire woke up (Cas reminded Dean) and then got into bed. Dean got back up as if he forgot something and flipped a switch. The stars rotated glowing overhead. He got back in bed and scooted up to lay on Cas chest with his hand over his angel wings. Cas smiled. 

Dean sighed "Goodnight My Angel, I love you.'

Cas pulled Dean in closer " Good night Tough guy, I love you too"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Uncle bobby

The sun crept through the window and cast a beam onto the bed. Cas slid his leg up between Deans and brushed his cock, arousing him. Even though most night's that Cas and Dean had slept together, Dean had fallen asleep on Cas' chest, for some reason they always woke up in the reversed position. Cas shifted his knee again and Dean moaned quietly. Even still, Cas' hand covered his mouth and he whispered in his ear "No noise Dean. Can't wake Claire"

He looked Dean in the eyes and waited for Dean to nod before he removed his hand. He pinned Dean's hands to the bed and kissed him roughly. His tongue assaulting Dean's mouth plunging in and taking what was rightfully his. Dean was panting and grinding his hips against Cas. Cas was aggressive this morning and Dean loved it. Cas bit Dean's bottom lip and sucked. He ground his groin harder into Dean, Dean whimpered resisting the urge to make noise. Cas got up and made sure the bedroom door was locked then pulled a couple of Dean's ties from the closet. He came back and used his bottom lip to slide a trail up Deans chest to his neck. He whispered." I wanna tie you up, you OK with that?"

Deans breath was ragged, he licked his lips and just nodded. Cas smiled victoriously and took Deans hands and tied them to the bed post. He then slid off his own pants and knelt on the bed with his knee's on either side of Dean's head. He teased Dean with his cock. Holding it in his hand he slid it over one cheek and then the other. Dean's head followed it trying to get at it. Cas rubbed the tip over Dean's lips, watching his tongue snake out trying to taste what he could. Dean's breath increased and in his one word he begged in a whisper "Cas..."

Cas slipped his cock into Dean's mouth, holding onto his hair for leverage. He slowly fucked his mouth getting more and more turned on. Dean's mouth widened to accommodate Cas as his cock grew inside his mouth, getting hard and full. Cas was panting as he could feel Dean's moaning like a hum against his Cock. He pulled out. Slid down Deans body and kissed him again, tasting the saltiness of his precum already in Deans mouth. He whispered "I know how you get when we're like this baby. So i'm gonna put a gag on you, to keep you quiet" 

Dean bit his lip but nodded. Cas kissed him again. "Be a good boy and open your mouth"

Dean did as he was told and Cas slid a tie in his mouth and tied it securely behind Deans head. He sat back and looked at Dean. Hands bound to the bed, gag in his mouth. He liked it. " you look sexy as fuck like this Dean"

Cas ran his hand's down Deans chest and Dean moaned into the gag. Cas was enjoying this. He slid down lower and took Dean into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the crown making Dean shift his hips appreciatively. Cas sucked on the head of Dean's cock while he worked the base with his hand getting him hard and wanting. Cas slid back up Dean's body and slammed his hand's against Deans bound one's. He looked him in the eyes " You want me to fuck you hard Dean? Is that what you have been missing?"

Dean's mouth was moving around the gag, Cas pulled it out of his mouth " What was that baby?"

Dean's eyes were blazing emeralds" yes Cas.. please"

Cas' tongue slid inside Deans mouth and captured the moan that was building. He pulled back and replaced the gag. Cas untied one of Dean's hand's and shifted him so he was laying on his stomach, then retied the hand. Cas lay on his side so he could look into Deans eyes. And whisper at the same time. he showed him a vibrator about the same size as Cas' cock. "I found this vibrator this morning. Under your pillow. Have you been fucking yourself, for me?'

Dean shifted his hips against the bed and he nodded. Cas let out a low sexual chuckle "Good. Then that will make this much easier."

He applied lube to the vibrator and turned it on. He rimmed Deans asshole with it while he watched Dean's eyes slip into a hazy state of arousal. Dean was making all kind's of sexy sounds from behind that gag and Cas was getting to the point where his control was slipping. He shifted so he was behind Dean and inserted 2 lubed fingers inside working his ass as Dean bucked against the bed and moaned and whimpered against the gag. Cas stretched his finger's apart and rotated opening Dean wide for him. Then he worked the lube over himself. He lay fully across Dean's back and snaking his hand in Deans hair he growled into his ear,while rubbing his cock against his ass "you ready for this?" 

Deans response was in the form of pushing his ass back against Cas' cock. Cas growled low in his throat and slid himself into Dean. Almost as soon as he had penetrated, Dean was already bucking against him, hands bunched in the comforter below him. Cas buried himself in Dean's ass and fucked him hard. He slammed against him while Dean grunted and panted behind the gag. Cas bit his lip from crying out and drove deep and hard relishing the feel of Dean's tight ass again. He lay flat and using Deans shoulders as leverage pushed into Dean. Dean cried out and even with the gag Cas knew he had said his name. Cas continued pumping then buried his face in Dean's shoulder to stifle his own cry and came his body jerking and jolting for a couple seconds after. 

He lay against Dean's back panting, still inside him but soft now. His finger moved across Dean's cheek and removed the gag letting it fall to rest around his neck. Dean was the first to speak "Christ, I missed you Cas"

Cas Laughed into his shoulder "I missed you too baby"

He rolled off of Dean and untied his hands. Dean rolled over onto his back and pulled Cas over to him. He kissed him and wiped some of the sweat from his brow. Lazily Cas picked up the vibrator and eyed Dean skeptically " Did you really use this while I was away?"

Dean kissed his forehead and replied nonchalantly " Nearly, every day"

Cas shook his head in disbelief and set it back down " Damn that's hot. Who knew, my baby was kind of a freak."

Dean shrugged "You know what they say; Necessity is the mother of invention. "

Cas shimmied up and kissed him "So.. does this mean you actually prefer to take it more then give it?"

Dean shrugged again " I don't know. I REALLY like it when you fuck me. But I also like to make love to you. I guess it depends. I'm not sure I could lay it down like you do though" Dean winked

Cas laughed " You 'layed it down' the first time we had sex Dean. You just forget. But I'm good with that. I really like fucking you too and I like it when your inside me and your vulnerable."

Dean laughed " Is it weird we're having the top/bottom conversation NOW?" Whatever Cas was going to say was cut off by a pounding on the front door. Dean frowned "What the fuck?" He got up and pulled on a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Cas did the same and went in to check on Claire.

***

 Dean opened the door "Uncle Bobby?"

"Now I know your fella just got home but we need to talk, so I'm coming in" Bobby came inside and closed the door behind him. He looked around. "Well..where is he?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck " Well, we just woke up so.."

Bobby nodded "Alright, tell him to get some clothes on his nekid ass and come on down stairs"

Deans eyes went wide" Bobby!"

Bobby waved him off "Now come on boy. I ain't stupid. You two ain't seen each other in months. Course you would be spendin' some quality time together but now it's time fer talkin'" Bobby then leaned in and touched something hanging around Dean's neck "what was this? Blind fold or gag?"

Dean's mouth slowly opened up, his face turning 3 then 4 shades of red. His mouth made inarticulate sounds for a moment as he touched the tie still tied and hanging loosley from his neck then he shouted "CAS!!!!!!" and proceeded to bury his face in his hands.

Cas came rushing down the stairs. "What is it baby? Whats wrong?" He wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder.

Through his hands still covering his face Dean said in a muffled voice "ged id uf"

Cas shook his head "What was that?" 

Bobby laughed "I think he said "Get it off" pretty sure he was referencing  this" Bobby pointed to the tie around Dean's neck. 

To Cas' credit he just closed his eyes for a second in sheer mortification and then looked up at the ceiling. Then in a neutral voice said " I see. of course" He began to untie the knot. Which wasn't easy as Bobby was looking over his shoulder.

"pretty good knot boy. Where'd you learn that? Boy scouts?"

Cas cleared his throat " uhm.. no.. fishing"

Bobby patted him on the back "fishing! yea.. I thought it looked familiar"

Cas continued to focus on the knot, trying his damnedest to not melt into the ground and slink away "ok. its of Dean"

Dean quickly took the tie and turned to the two men while shoving it in his pajama pocket "THIS. NEVER. HAPPENED."

He hastened to the kitchen. Bobby hot on his heels "nothing to be ashamed of boy, why me and your aunt"

"Bobby! no.. never.. don't ever.. ever go there" Dean shuddered

Bobby put up his hands in surrender and laughed " ok, ok, I'll let it go"

Dean went over to make his Latte and Bobby nudged Cas in a whisper said "Go on over make him feel better,you know how us men hate our pride being hurt"

Cas couldn't help but think Bobby was remarkably cool but he went over to Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. He whispered "Hey tough guy. You wanna punch me for this?"

Dean let out a sigh and turning in Cas' arms he put his forehead against Cas'"I could just die right now. But its not your fault baby. I'm the idiot who didn't think to check before I ran down stairs" He leaned in a brushed his lips against Cas'

Cas closed his eyes at the sensation and smiled then he said "If its any consolation, I am sufficiently scarred by this experience too" 

Dean chuckled and kissed him more fully then released him to steam his milk and as Cas went over to the counter to sit down Uncle Bobby gave an approving nod and wink.

Dean brought his coffee over to the counter and set it down" ok uncle bobby, what was it you came banging on our door about?"

Bobby started to speak, when Julie appeared in the kitchen holding a fussy baby Claire "Sorry to interrupt. I changed and fed her but she won't stop fussing. I think she want's you"

Cas moved to get up but Dean stopped him "I'll get her baby. I've already made my coffee, why don't you make some coffee for you and uncle bobby, you guys take it the same way" 

Cas looked skeptical "Are you sure Dean?"

Dean kissed him "In this together remember? Im sure" Then He went and took Claire and she stopped fussing as soon as he started to bounce her "What's wrong little cub? Did my big bad yelling scare you? I'm sorry baby girl"

Cas was watching and smiling. Julie smiled and went back upstairs. Bobby was watching the exchange waiting for an explanation. when none was given he finally spoke up "And who is this little lady?"

Cas and Dean spoke at the same time

"She's Cas'"

"She's Our's"

Dean looked over at Cas and smiled lovingly. He amended his statement "Yea.. She's Our's"

Bobby shook his head as if to clear out any cobwebs "Come again?"

Dean Clarified "Biologically, She's Cas'. But she's both of our's now" He beamed

Bobby nodded "yea ok.. what about her mother?"

Dean's smile faltered "I..don't..know?"

Cas brought over the coffee to Bobby who looked pointedly at Cas "please tell me YOU know"

Cas played with his mug "yes. I know. Her mother. Amelia was her name. She didn't make it. I guess some kind of complications in childbirth. She hemoraged. So, its what I was trying to tell you last night Dean. She's like us. She lost her mom too. "

"Ballz!"

Dean looked over at bobby horrified" Bobby!"

"Well I'm sorry. And i'm real sorry about your friend Cas. But that little girl right there. She aint nothing like you boys. When your mama's died you lost the Love in your lives. Cas, from what I understand, your mama was all you had and Dean well... we know how that turned out for you. But, this little girl.. if you two idjuts can pull your heads out your ass's and make it work. She could have two parents who love her. That just don't sound lackin' to me. Which brings me to my next point. What are your plans?"

Dean was talking to Claire in a quiet sing-song voice while he walked her around the kitchen "Uncle bobby wants to know what our plans are. Should we tell him? Should we? I don't know. Papa Bears gonna eat your feet" He put one of Clairs feet in his mouth and she squeeled with delight

Cas took a sip of his coffee and laughed then looked over at Bobby "He does this. He'll reply to you in a moment" 

Dean came over and sat down with Claire between his legs. Cas reached over and airplaned her out of Deans lap. Dean pouted but Cas kissed him and he smiled. "Its funny you should ask that uncle bobby. Cas proposed last night" Dean beamed and took hold of Cas' hand that wasn't holding Clair.

Bobby smiled "Well alright! that's what I like to hear. Glad you boys are finally on the same page. Now let me see that baby." Cas handed over Clair to bobby who promptly rasberried her tummy making her kick her feet and giggle. He Held her back in the crook of his arm like he had been holding babies his whole life.

Cas had something to say and he had to speak up " Bobby. I just want to say. You seem.. Fairly old fashioned. And I just want to thank you for being immeasurably cool about this whole thing with Dean and me. I mean, He has kissed me like, I don't know, 3 or 4 times since you have arrived and you haven't so much as batted an eyelash. It really means allot to me. And for Dean to have someone who is so accepting, well sir, frankly, its humbling"

Bobby scrubbed at his face "now don't you go tryin' to make me cry while I'm holdin' your baby.Well. I Might be old fashioned but their ain't nothin more old fashioned then love. And the way I see you two look at each other, that's real. And I'm damn proud of both of you for being man enough to stick it out even when the going got tough cause you knew it was worth it. Anyway. I'm a bit ashamed. I didn't handle him comin' out to me the way I should have. I weren't mean or nuthin' just really really shocked. But that's no excuse"

Dean shook his head "Uncle Bobby its fine"

"No son. You came to me more scared then I've ever seen ya. Came to me with something Important and I feel like I let ya down. here's what happen Castiel..

* * *

**May 18th: Uncle Bobby's House.**

Dean sat across from Bobby in the sitting room at his home. He had called and said there was something he needed to talk to him about. Now here he was. He didn't look so good. Bobby new loosing his daddy would be hard but this looked like more then that. Dean had about a weeks worth of growth on his face. His eyes were red rimmed as if he had been drinking or crying heavily or both. His hands shook as if he were afraid to talk about whatever it was he had come to say. Bobby could excuse the fatigue and the drinking and tears but the fear made him want to push Dean to talk. There was nothing in this world he wouldn't do for Sam or Dean and he couldn't stand to think Dean would think there was anything in heaven or hell he couldn't talk to bobby about. Sensing that maybe the men needing a couple minutes alone Ellen volunteered to go make some Ice tea. 

"Dean. You know You can tell me anything Son. What did you want to talk to me about"

Dean's hands shook and he cracked the knuckles in one hand then the other " I'm in love"

Bobby was confused. Why would this cause such duress. " alright?"

Dean looked at his hands "Its not.. Its not someone my father would approve of.."

So that's what it was about bobby though. John. Dean was worried that this girl wouldn't be someone John would have liked or approved of to carry on the family name. and with John gone he worried bobby might feel the same way. "Son. Look. It don't matter what your daddy thought ok. what matter's is how YOU feel. If you love this girl, then I'm sure she will be just fine. You have a right to love any woman you"

"Its a man" Dean blurted out

Bobby stopped talking. His mind just stopped coming up with words to say. He didn't disagree or mind that it was a man. He just couldn't process the actual words that had left Deans mouth then.When his mouth finally did speak again the words that left it, left Bobby kicking himself later "Its a what you say?"

Dean's face went even more pale, if that's possible "its a..its..its a"

Luckily Bobby's wonderful, Lifesaving Ellen came in at that moment. she sat down next to Dean on the sofa and put her arm around him. She looked over at Bobby and she said "He said its a Man, Bobby. Do we need to get your ear's checked again?' She rubbed Dean's back and she said "and that's ok baby. Its alright you're in love with a guy. you go on and love whoever you want right bobby?" Her eyes locked on Bobbies

Bobby felt the mind lock that said (bobby singer you best dang pull your head out of your ass and reply YES or I will kill you my own damn self) without any words needing to be spoken he said "well o course its ok son! Why wouldn't it be?"

Dean's shoulders visibly relaxed and bobby felt like the worlds largest ass for making Dean worry.

Ellen patted his back "There now. You see. That wasn't so hard. So.. is it that nice Castiel boy?"

Dean looked up shocked "how'd you know?"

Ellen smiled " Call it a hunch. drink your iced tea"

* * *

 

Cas was laughing "Well. I think. All things considered. You handled it well. And your wife is amazing!"

Bobby smiled with pride "Yes she is and I'll tell her you said so. She thinks very highly of you too. She kept sayin' you mark my words, That Castiel will come home, he loves our boy. I'm sure he has a good reason why he had to go run off"

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean "She wasn't wrong."

Bobby shook his head "She never is. So..Lets here this good reason"

Cas got up and kissed Dean on the neck, Dean nuzzeled against him for a second "Alright.. I guess I do owe everyone that much"

"Owe everyone what?" Sam said as he walked in the kitchen

Dean turned around "So you guys just give up knocking all together?"

"The door was unlocked. Cas!" Jess came in next and ran and jumped into Cas' arms for one of their famous hugs

Sam Hugged Dean then Cas then said "oh! hey Uncle Bobby! Cute kid. Who is she?"

Bobby just looked at Cas and Dean then shrugged "Your niece"

Sam's mouth dropped open "you and Aunt Ellen had a kid!"

Bobby shook his head "Idjut"

Cas came over and took Clair "No...." He covered Claire's ears with his hands  "Dean and I did" 

Dean whispered to Bobby "wait for it...."

Jess let out a high pitched squeel and jumped up and down clinging onto Sams arm

Sam kept repeating "wait wait wait what...wait...what? wait...WHAT?'

They settled down and Cas explained how that happened. After Jess had a chance to hold her and remarked that she did in fact have the exact same shade of blue jean blue eyes as Cas. Cas asked Julie to take Claire upstairs for a little while. Everyone pouted, but Cas knew his story wasn't going to be all rainbows and lollypops and he knew Claire was really susceptible to tension so he would rather she not be in the room. Dean understood and told everyone if they had a problem with it they could take it up with him. Cas loved how protective Dean already was over Claire. That's one thing he could say about his tough guy. Once he fell in love, it was ALL THE WAY. And Cas was glad. 

So Cas sat them all down. He explained how parts of what Crowley had told Dean were true but only from a certain point of view. When Cas got the call about Claire he approached Crowley. Crowley agreed to help under the condition that Cas would do 6 shows in Illinois and cut one album. Crowley also actually did bankroll the tour for the lesser musicians so it wouldn't arouse suspicions. Cas then proceeded to get fairly wasted to get up the liquid courage to tell Dean he was leaving. When he arrived home, he realized he still couldn't tell him he was going knowing that then, he wouldn't go. So they made love, Dean fell asleep, Cas packed up his van and parked it in storage. He then got on a plane and went to Chicago. He was in the hospital with Claire for a week before they released her. Once released Crowled funded an apartment and sent over Julie and paid for Julie and all other expenses Cas had so that Cas wouldn't back out on his Deal and Crowley would get his album. When Claire was well enough to travel and the album and shows had been done. Crowley cut Cas a check for a whopping 5 million dollars (which seems small for a record deal if it weren't for the fact that Cas literally agreed to one album only, with no original songs and got it in writing)

Dean choked on his Latte " Small? are you kidding me? Baby? Claire is Set for life."

Cas grabbed Dean and kissed him fully, giving no fucks who was in the kitchen "I love that you just phrased it that way."

Dean pulled Cas between his legs, his arms on his waist "You wanna tell your BFF our news?"

Cas smiled "I'm not sure my ear drums can take it" He laughed but kissed Dean and turned around to Jess and Sam 

"Last night.. I proposed to Dean. Were getting Married"

But Jess didn't scream. She put her hand over her mouth and her eyes teared up and Cas walked over and hugged her. She said into his chest "This just makes everything perfect Cas"

He kissed her on top of the head "I know Jess. Thanks for finding me a roomate" She laughed into his shirt

Sam hugged Dean "Well I'll be damned. And you didn't want him to move in" Dean punched Sam in the gut

Cas looked over at Dean "you didn't even want me to move in?"

Dean made a ppsss sound "what? baby? Of course i did. Sam's crazy."

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. The Best song Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jess are getting married and they just had to invite EVERYONE

**June 21st**

Sam and Jess's Wedding was in just under a month and Dean was nervous. He had fully embraced his new found 'gayness' and had even started holding Cas' hand when they went out and if people had a problem with it, that was their problem not Dean's. But he was still worried about Sam's wedding. Dean knew he was still in the defensive stage of 'coming out' and if someone said something out of line he didn't want to loose it and ruin their day. Cas kept reassuring him he wouldn't, but that was easier said then done. Today they had taken Claire and gone into Deans lawyer. She assured them she would get the documents they had signed to the registrars office so Claire's official name would be Claire Mary Novak-Winchester.They were having Sam and Jess over later for dinner to celebrate.

Dean was smiling as they drove home "What made you decide to hyphenate her name anyway babe?"

Cas smiled" I figured she needed to be a Winchester too. If this is your one shot at a child, you deserve to give that child your last name"

Dean reached over and put his hand on Cas' thigh "I love you, you know that"

Cas laughed " You better. Cause I fucking love the hell out of you. Oh,stop at the store we need to pick up some things for Claire and for the dinner tonight"

Dean pulled into the grocery store. Cas got out and strapped Claire into the baby carrier on his chest. Her frilly pink and white socks dangling out of the leg holes. He looked so domestic it almost made Dean laugh. To think, this was the same man that just 4 months ago smashed a guitar into another mans face and then used his shirt to clean up the other guys blood off of him. It seemed like a lifetime ago to Dean. Dean walked over and Kissed Cas then kissed the top of Claire's head. "We should split the list, It will go quicker and we can get her home. She looks ready for her nap"

Cas agreed and they split up. As Dean was coming out of the diaper isle he saw a blond man standing at the end cap leaning on a display of beer. "Oh.. say it isn't so.. did you domesticate?"

Dean shook his head but he had a half smile "Zar. What the hell are you doing in town?"

His ex ignored his comment with a wave of his hand "Oh shut up and hug me Dean"

He reached out and wrapped his arms around Dean briefly. Dean stepped back quickly. 'Zar' or Balthazar as he was named, eyeballed Dean from his black boots to his tight button down jeans all the way up his muscle hugging Abercrombie hunter green t-shirt. "My, my. I must say though. Domestic looks good on you. I could just eat you up"

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. Zar always had a way of making him feel exposed, even when he was fully clothed. He cleared his throat " Yes well.. speaking of domestic. I am actually, engaged Zar, so.."

Balthazar rolled his eyes "Yes, I assumed as much. Considering you're buying diapers. So you chose the closet life then huh?"

Dean pursed his lips "Actually no. My fiance' is a man. _His_ name is Cas"

Zar cocked his eyebrow, intrigued "good looking?"

Dean stared back" Very"

Zar said with an arrogant smile, taking a step closer to Dean "As good looking as me?"

Dean smiled back, with a challenge in his eye ' You might still be able to fill out a v-neck nicely Zar, but no one is as attractive as my .."

Just then, with Dean standing not a foot away from his ex both of them smiling at eachother he heard Cas before he saw him

'What. the. actual. fuck. Dean."

 Dean's eyes widened till his eyebrows hid in his hairline. He swiftly backed away from Zar running into his own cart "shit.. shit" He moved the cart and turned to Cas "Cas. Baby. I was just talking about you"

Cas had murder written all over his face. The fact that he had a precious sleeping baby on his chest did nothing to dispel that image " Were you? Funny, That's not what it looked like. Who is this?"

Dean didn't want to tell him. He REALLY didn't want to tell his pissed off, bad-ass, fiance' that this was the first man he had ever been with. Shit. ok here goes nothing, Dean thought " uhm.. Cas.. this is Zar.. well uhm.. Balthazar. Zar.. this is Cas.. my fiance'"

Cas' posture straitened. His jaw locked. The hand he held at his side started doing that thing where he pops his knuckles with his fingers on the same hand. Dean was holding his breath. Cas replied " Is that right"

Dean prayed. In the middle of the grocery store. In the diaper isle. Standing between his ex and his fiancee and a sleeping baby. PLEASE Zar. Please for once. Don't be you. Don't say something..you-like. But...alas. no one was listening at the **Save-Me-More** cause Zar reacted as Zar does.

Zar smiled "That's right. I can see by your face you've heard of me. Always nice to be remembered" He flashed Dean a smile

Then Cas smiled and Dean panicked. He knew that smile. That wasn't a happy smile. That was a 'I'm gonna kick your ass so bad' smile. Dean had to get Cas out of that fucking store " Dean. Hold the baby for a sec"

Dean looked around shit. fuck. shit. "uhm. I would Cas but.. I have the cart. so..lets just go ok"

Zar raised his eyebrow "That's right darling. Take your man and Run along now"

Dean turned on Zar and pleaded "Zar man.. just.. come on.. just do me a favor and shut. up."

Dean took Cas by the arm and led him to the register. Cas was fuming. Dean had no idea how Claire stayed asleep. he thought they were in the clear, but oh no, that would be too easy. Once outside, they ran into Zar AGAIN. he was out there smoking a cigarette. They had to wait for traffic to subside before they could get to their car. 

Balthazar flicked his cigarette and blatantly checked out Cas ass "Wow. Your ass is amazing! I would crawl out of the closet for that too."

Cas turned slowly and removed his sun glasses "do me a favor. don't. talk. to me. ok. _pal_ "

Dean rubbed his brow "Zar. what is your problem? stop it."

Zar shrugged "I'm just making conversation. For example, You have yourself quite the pit-bull there Dean. He must be fantastic in bed"

Cas rubbed his hand across his mouth "Dean.. i swear to god.. take the baby"

Dean shook his head " No. Cas. just come on. were going to the car"

Cas looked at Dean with controlled fury "Dean...Take. the baby"

Zar laughed "yes Dean.. come on now.. let daddy off his leash"

Dean turned and grabbed Zar's arm and hauled him a little bit away where Cas could still clearly see him but couldn't hear him

"Zar. are you out of your mind? Don't let that damn baby carrier fool you. That man. Is NOT someone you wanna fuck with ok? He is usually pretty cool. But you are pushing ALL his fucking buttons. Seriously? Is your radar that busted that you can't see that?"

Zar looked past him at Cas " oh no darling. I see him alright. That man has 'Danger' stamped on his forehead. Its giving me a rush like you wouldn't believe. Its a shame, he's probably wasted on a man like you'

"What the fuck does that mean?"

Balthazar hummed "I bet he would be amazing with hand cuffs and a whip"

Dean stared Zar down "oh...he is. Now shut the fuck up Zar. please. please. stop provoking him'

Zar pouted " maybe i'm a little pissed you went all domestic. You left me because I tried to get you out of the closet'

Dean shook his head " I left you because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. clearly you still haven't learned that lesson. please stop provoking him."

Zar crossed his arms over his chest ' oh. fine. spoil sport"

Dean walked back over and Zar stayed where he was leaning against a pillar of the grocery store

"Come on Cas" Cas just stared at Zar. "Cas...baby.. come ON" Dean tugged a little and Cas walked with him.

As Dean was walking away he called back to Zar "By the way deciding to not have sex with someone anymore DOESN'T count as a BREAK-UP"

Zar yelled back "you always were delusional- fucking someone exclusively for a year COUNTS as a RELATIONSHIP"

 

 

When they got to the car Cas was staring daggers at him. "You are a hypocritical bastard you know that'

Dean looked up from over the hood of the car "what? How the fuck did I get in the middle of this?'

Cas laughed  "are you fucking kidding? What do you think all that was about?"

Dean shook his head "Just get in the car Cas, we can argue on the way home.

Cas looked over Zar was still standing there "Why is he just standing there?"

Dean rubbed his head "Because he is an arrogant, self assured, ass. I guess I have a type." Dean got in the car.

Cas opened the door and put the baby in the car seat. Once he was situated and buckled in he looked over at Dean "What the fuck does that mean 'you have a type'?

Dean stared ahead at the road "How am I a hypocritical bastard?"

Cas' laugh was filled with mirth "Really? Where do I begin? Ok how about this? You punched Crowley because you found out I had a ONE NIGHT STAND with him, even though you ALSO slept with Crowley. But this douche bag, sits here and deliberately provokes me. A douche I might add who you not only had a relationship with but who was YOUR FIRST and I'm not allowed to punch him? Hypocrite."

Dean sighed and continued to stare at the road ' Its different with you"

Cas threw up his hands "Its different with me? That's your fucking answer Dean? Its different with me? different how?"

Dean hedged "It just is ok'

"no.. not ok. what does that mean?"

"you.. hit harder then I do"

Cas actually laughed "what?"

'When I punched Crowley all I did is split his lip. The last time you hit someone...you busted his face open"

Cas was indignant "I hit him with my GUITAR!! its not like I have fist of the gods. I punch someone and their face explodes! Jesus Dean. Think" He put his head back against the head rest.

Dean drove for a minute without saying anything "Its a proven fact you have a much harder time controlling your anger then I do"

Cas sat up" Oh is it? Well then...Its a proven fact you need sex more then I do so.."

Dean hit the brakes at a stop light and looked over at Cas" did you just threaten to withhold sex from me?'

Cas looked at Dean "i don't know.. maybe i'm just 'angry' and I can't control myself. The light's green."

Dean started driving and said one of those really stupid man statements "Are you kidding me? Have you seen my ex? And your gonna stop putting out??"

Cas ran his hand threw his hair and expelled his breath " You wanna sleep with your ex now? is that what your telling me?"

Dean rubbed his brow " no Cas.. that's not even..no. I don't wanna sleep with anyone"

Cas' eyes were wide "Good. Cause.. you wanna see 'anger control issues' you so much as think about that.. and I will bash that guys face until he bleeds all over his.. how did you put it babe his "well filled out v-neck'

"Fuck... how long were you standing there"

Cas put his head back against the seat rest again "long enough. I can't believe you were flirting him"

"Cas.."

"Just save it.."

Dean looked back and Claire was still dead asleep. He laughed a little " I can't believe she's slept through all of this"

Cas didn't open his eyes "She's the daughter of a musician, she's used to noise"

Dean shrugged. Something about the way Cas said that stung but he couldn't put his finger on what "I wouldn't know"

Cas replied "No, you wouldn't"

Dean didn't respond and they drove in silence the rest of the way home. When they got home dean got out and came around the other side. Cas was getting Clair out of the car. "I can get her Cas, why don't you grab the bags out of the trunk."

Cas shrugged " I got her, thanks"

Dean stopped him "Cas, its fine. I want to get her. Just grab the bags ok"

Cas leaned into the car "I can get MY daughter out of a carseat Dean. I don't need your help"

Dean grabbed Cas by the arm and yanked him out of the car "Don't you do that. You and I can fight and that's fine. But don't you dare pull the MY daughter card with me Cas. She's MY fucking daughter too. Do you hear me? Don't you dare do that. Now get out of the way"

Dean reached in and lovingly took Claire out of her car seat. With her laying over his shoulder, he tossed the keys to Cas to get the bags out of the trunk. Claire snuggled up to Dean's neck "Its OK papa bear's got you" Dean kissed her head. Cas grabbed the bags and they headed inside. As they entered they heard a loud "SURPRISE!!" Inside their house was Jess, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and Charlie and a large banner hung over the front hall that said **HAPPY 1ST FATHERS DAY**

Cas spoke first "Is that today?"

Charlie laughed "Yep! Same day every year so you might wanna write it down papa.. or are you daddy? I get em confused.. anyway DADS! Happy fathers day! Now let me see that angel!" She ran over and took Claire who had woken up from her nap thankfully smiling

Dean handed her over but was still standing there in shock. His body was still pumping pissed off adrenalin and now he had to play nice with his family. "Sammy.. can I talk to you for a sec. upstairs"

Sam smiled "sure"

Once in the room Dean softly closed the door then turned around and told Sam in his calmest voice "Cas and I are fighting right now"

Sam cocked his head "what do mean right now?"

Dean extended his hand "like..this second Sammy. Like.. right before we walked in the door. We're fighting RIGHT NOW"

Sam sat on the bed "oh...shit"

Dean gesticulated 'yea oh shit! and i've got a house full of people. couldn't you have given me a heads up?"

"well..no..that's why its called a surprise Dean. Didn't you know it was father day?"

"No. we didn't exactly celebrate it with dad. and I've only been a dad myself for what.. a month?"

Sam tilted his head "true. what are you fighting about?'

Dean ran his hand across his mouth "we ran into my first at the grocery story"

"Lisa!"

"No Sam..my first GUY"

"oh..wait..Cas wasn't your first? how long have you been gay?"

"about 15 years..that's not the point SAM..."

Sam looked shocked "my whole life has been a lie' then he laughed

"Seriously Sammy! Cas is crazy jealous pissed off now"

Sam shrugged "Cas is super chill. How bad can it be"

Dean looked at Sam like he had grown a second head " are you kidding me? You have never seen Cas jealous. He's a whole different animal. And right now he wants to attack and eat the face of my ex and he is fuming mad cause he says I was flirting with him..'

"were you?"

"was I what?"

"Were you flirting with him?"

"what? no! All I said was he filled out a v-neck nicely'

Sam started laughing and covered his mouth "oh..shit! If I heard Jess say that to some dude. I'd be mad."

"but! its only because he said domesticity looked good on me and I said that but I was saying that CAS looked BETTER..i just.. didn't get to that part before Cas interrupted us"

"Ok..so this guy. Who was your FIRST GUY says damn baby you lookin' good and you go thanks not so bad your self and Cas see's all this and you DON'T let Cas handle it, am I right?"

"I guess!"

Sam slaps his hands on his knee's and stands up "yep. you fucked up. apologies."

"what??"

"apologies Dean. You fucked up. Go get Cas. Grovel. Your in the wrong. You wrongy. He righty. Does any of this compute? Cas loves you. He just got all alpha male, that's my mate, like, well..any of us would of done. You love him too. So, stop being a dick about it and say your sorry"

* * *

**Meanwhile**

Cas grabbed Jess "Can I talk to you real quick"

Jess looked around "Sure sweetheart"

Cas took her into Claire's room and closed the door. "Dean and I are fighting right now"

"Right now! right now?"

Cas nodded and sat on the futon " Yes. As in we just had it out seconds before the door opened"

Jess sat down next to him "what's going on?"

Cas shook his head 'It was bullshit Jess. We went to the store and I round the corner and there he is flirting with some fucking hunky guy, standing like 6 inches from him,telling him how he fills out a v-neck nicely. I swear I wanted to crack him in the face. The guy, not Dean. But I had Claire in the baby carrier on my chest."

"oh..shit.. so who was this mysterious hunk?"

Cas cracked his knuckles "This is where is really gets good. Dean scrambles back like I just bit him in the ass when he see's me and tell's me this is none other then the guy who took his virginity. Zar. What kind of a fucking name is Zar anyway. But i digress.. So this Zar fucker is just eyeballing Dean like I'm not even there. So I'm like, I gotta handle this, be a man you know. So I tell Dean to take the baby and he tells me NO"

Jess just looked at Cas "ok.. yea"

"He tells me no Jess! He's all.. lets just go Cas. Like fuck that. I'm taking this smug mother down a notch. But no matter what I do. Dean WONT TAKE THE BABY. Until we get home then I go to get her out of the car and he tries to help and I told him I could get MY daughter out by myself and he freaks on me and says I don't get to pull that shit, she's his daughter too"

Jess puts her head in her hands for a second then looks up and touches Cas' knee "oh Jesus Cas..ok so. Let me see if I have the facts. You met Deans First male lover, and he happened to be attractive and hunky and you were feeling insecure because you were strapped to a baby and looking all domestic so you wanted to prove you could still be manly by rearranging his pretty face. Dean wouldn't let you beat up a virtual stranger in front of your 3 month old daughter. Then you compounded the issue by telling him she was your daughter and not his. Is that about right?"

"I.. guess"

Jess nodded "Cas. I love you but... you fucked up. apologies."

"What! He was the one out of line"

"Cas. You totally fucked up. Dean loves you. Who gives a fuck about this douche at the store. He came home with you. He is marring you. He just fought with you about that being HIS baby too. Find your man and apologies. Don't be a jerk. " Jess punched him in the arm then hugged him

* * *

 

Jess came out of Claire's room and hurried down stairs when she saw Sam at the bottom of the stairs. Cas was leaving Claire's room when he saw Dean leaving their room. He hurried over and pushed Dean back into their room. If there was one thing Dean and Cas did well together it was kiss. And as that door closed behind Cas and the back of Deans knees hit his bed they went down together kissing. Their lips found each other. Cas sucked on that delicious pouty bottom lip of Deans. Dean's teeth nibbled and pulled on Cas' upper lip. Their tongues dove into each other's mouth's tongues scraping across each other. Their hands fisted in each of their hair. Dean broke away and trailed hot kisses across Cas' stubble and down his neck. Both of his hands entwined in Cas' hair. Dean growled out "I'm sorry, ok" . Cas was panting. His neck arched to give Dean more leverage to keep up his assault of kissing and sucking. Dean bit down on Cas' neck. Cas' nails dug into his shoulders "Fuck.. Im sorry too" He pulled Dean up by the hair to plunge his tongue into his mouth once more. Then He pulled back. Both of their eyes were filled with lust. Cas kissed Dean on the forehead "later.. we have a fucking party down stairs"Dean grabbed Cas by the hip and ground his cock against Cas. "I'm gonna hold you to that" Cas stood up and readjusted himself then offered his hand and helped Dean up. And that's how they apologized and if anyone had a problem with it, Cas and Dean could give a fuck less.

* * *

 Crowley Reclined in his leather chaise lounge and answered his phone "Crowley here"

"Crowley Dear. Its been ages. Haven't spoken to you since you started boffing my ex"

Crowley sat up "Balthy? Is that you?"

"None other. So what do you say bygone's?"

Crowleys eyes narrowed "What are you after Balthy?"

Zar sighed "Are you invited to that Winchester wedding. Not the Gay one, the other one'

'Yes..of course. Why?"

"Well.. Dean has gone and gotten himself engaged to a little pit-bull and I wanna see if he bites"

Crowley laughed "I think your mistaken. You see Castiel is nothing short of an Angel. Its Dean that's the real Devil you should worry about"

Zar laughed out loud " Dean is a snuggle bear, nothing more. But if your so certain. Care to make a wager? You take me with you as your date. $100 says pit-bull attacks first"

Crowley tsked his tongue " Make it $500 that Dean goes postal, I'll need it to cover my Dental bill and you've got yourself a date"

"Deal. Pleasure as always darling. See you at 4. Your place?"

Crowley rolled his eyes "yes. Fine. see you then" he hung up the phone and reclined back in his chair. _Yep, Dean was gonna kill him_. _Should have made it $1,000_

 

* * *

**July 11 - The Day of Sam and Jess's Wedding**

** **

Cas stood holding Claire " Julie, I'm in love with you"

Julie laughed "Well I hope not. That would be awkward. I get it your grateful. Thank me later for moving my whole life to another state because I missed one baby. Right now your gonna be late"

Dean yelled from downstairs "Cas come on! Give her one more kiss from Papa Bear too and lets go"

Cas kissed Claire "Bye bye princess. Daddy loves you. You be a good girl ok." he kissed her again and handed her to Julie

***

Dean and Cas showed up and were immediately pulled in different directions. Cas to the bridal suit for Jess (He was her Man of Honor) and Dean to the Groom's suit for Sam (he was his Best Man)

 In the Grooms suit Dean pulled Sam aside "Hey I.. uh.. I wanted to give you this Sammy" He handed Sam an envelope

Sam opened it and his eyes bugged out "Dean! This is a check for $300,000.00. What the hell am I gonna do with a check for this much money?"

Dean shrugged "I don't know. Buy a house. Buy a car. Take Jess on a world honeymoon. Invest. Do what you want. Its your money Sam. I don't mean its a gift. Its your fucking money."

Sam went to hand it back to Dean "You mean its his money"

Dean pushed the envelope back at him "No Sammy. I mean its yours. This isn't even a small portion of what dad left, its just the largest amount I thought you would conceivably accept. This is every theater show he didn't show up to. Every story he didn't read. Every hug he didn't give. This is... fuck Sam. Its your's. Take it. Please. Looking at my little girl today.. I've had her 2 months. That's it, two months and I can't imagine not being there for her every day. Its your wedding day. Let me be there for you. Give you this to start your life right. Ok?"

Sam looked at the envelope and tapped it against his hand. He looked up at Dean with tears in his eyes and put the envelope in his lapel pocket and hugged Dean "I'll accept this. From my brother and my best friend. Nothing more. Ok?"

Dean hugged him back "And for mom?"

Sam nodded wiping away more tears "and from mom"

***

Cas had always loved that his BFF wasn't ordinary. It was cool that her "maid of honor" was a "man of honor" in a white tux and blue tie and vest to match her blue bridesmaids dresses. But right now he was hating it a little a bit. It turns out Jess didn't want her bride's maids and Cas to walk down the isle to something normal and soft and do the step-together-step motion. Oh no. Not Jess. Jess had always said falling in love wasn't like a warm summer rain, it was like a beautiful storm. So she chose the song _Boom Clap by CHARLI XCX_   for them to walk down the isle to. But that wasn't all. She also wanted them to change the steps. So now they were perfecting the steps so no one stepped on each other as they all step-clap-shimmy-shimmed down the isle with Cas leading the procession. He Pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. _He loved Jess. He did_. He reminded himself of this. _*_ step-clap-shimmy-shimmy*.."Daaam"

 _He wouldn't do this for anyone else but Jess_.*Step-clap-shimmy-shimmy* "That ass"

And maybe Dean.. if they were alone. Cas smiled

 

 _Jess was the closest thing he had to family, So he would do this damn dance for her._  *Step- clap- shimmy-shimmy _*_... "have mercy"..

 _He might kill her. Not today.. today was her wedding day. But her chances weren't looking great for tomorrow_. Especially because every time he swiveled his hips her brides maids cat called behind him. 

 ***

The wedding was finally starting. Sam was up front. Dean standing beside him. Dean glanced into the rows of seated guests and smiling pleasantly and his smile froze on his face. Seated 4 rows back was his worst nightmare. Crowley had shown up and brought a date, Zar. Dean could only imagine Cas' face when he saw that. Without dropping his smile he tried to convey to Crowley with his eyes alone the amount of trouble he was in for pulling this little stunt at Sam's wedding. Dean thought he might have made his point as Crowley seemed to visibly squirm. Then the music started and Dean focused his attention on the isle, hoping Cas didn't look over at the guests. Turns out Dean shouldn't have worried. Let it never be said his new sister in law was dull. The speakers pumped out a beat and out came the procession led by Cas. They were somping and clapping and shaking their hips. With Cas front and center Dean thought it must be his birthday. Cas laughed and shook his head as the girls behind him went "ow!" every time he shook his ass. Not that Dean could blame them, but he kept the beat anyway. Dean thought he was the luckiest damn man alive. And the beat played on.

 

_**BOOM BOOM BOOM CLAP** _

__

_**You're picture perfect blue** _  
_**Sunbathing on the moon** _  
_**Stars shining as your bones illuminate** _  
_**First kiss just like a drug** _  
_**Under your influence** _  
_**You take me over you're the magic in my veins** _  
_**This must be love** _

__

_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**The sound of my heart** _  
_**The beat goes on and on and on and on and** _  
_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**You make me feel good** _  
_**Come on to me come on to me now** _  
_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**The sound of my heart** _  
_**The beat goes on and on and on and on and** _  
_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**You make me feel good** _  
_**Come on to me come on to me now** _

_**No silver or no gold** _  
_**Could dress me up so good** _  
_**You're the glitter in the darkness of my world** _  
_**Just tell me what to do** _  
_**I'll fall right into you** _  
_**Going under cast a spell just say the word** _  
_**I feel your love** _

__

_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**The sound of my heart** _  
_**The beat goes on and on and on and on and** _  
_**BOOM CLAP** _  
_**You make me feel good** _  
_**Come on to me come on to me now** _  
_**  
** _

  The music tapered off and faded into the traditional Wedding March and Jess's came down the isle on the arm of her father. Her gown was beautiful and ironically traditional. Sam stood up straighter, adjusting his tie, he looked nervous. Jess beamed, tears already in her eyes. Jess got to the front. Cas took her bouquet for her and she turned to face Sam. Cas happened to let his eyes shift out to the crowd and he fumbled the bouquet. "oh shit" He muttered under his breath. The crowd laughing. As he bent to pick it up, he locked eyes with Zar for a brief second. Long enough to say, your a dead man. Then he stood, smiled shyly and shrugged. Brandishing the retrieved bouquet "oops.. got it" The crowd laughed again

The officiator spoke "Sam and Jessica have decided to recite their own vows, Sam, if you'd like to start" 

Sam turned to Jess, He was already tearing up "Jess. I thought about quoting you something epic and amazing. Something from one of the authors or poets we love. E.E. Cummings, F.Scott Fitzgerald, Margaret Mitchell, J.r.r Tolkien, even Rowling. But then I thought it would all amount to the same thing, the same sentiment, so I'll just say it simply. My life, is better, in every way, with you in it. I love you Jess. Please accept this ring so I can spend the rest of my days and all my night with you" Dean handed Sam the ring and he slipped it on Jess's finger, he had tears slipping down his cheeks.

Jess's hand was shaking in Sam's and her voice was unsteady "Sam. The day you asked me out I thought 'I couldn't be happier' cause you were just so great. But It turns out I was wrong. Cause then you proposed and that moment, I thought "ok.. this is it, I can't get happier then this moment" . Turns out I was wrong again. And now standing here. across from you,knowing that I am about to be your wife.. I am filled with more joy then I can even contain, and yet. I think to say this is "the happiest day of my life" I'll be selling myself short again. Cause I think that day is still to come for us. i think, one day I will look over at you and we will be old and gray and I'll hold your hand and I'll look back on this moment and think.. yep.. wrong again. So thanks for always making me so happy and always proving me wrong. I love you Sam. Please take this ring so I can spend the rest of my days with you and all my nights" Cas was crying with Jess as he hugged her and handed her her ring. She slipped it on Sam's hand.

The officiator pronounced them Man and wife and Sam picked her up her feet dangling off the ground showing the major height difference. The crowd applauded and the Boom Clap music started back up as they ran down the isle under a hail storm of rice. Everyone was smiling and laughing following the happy couple out.

Dean walked over to Cas and said under his breath "Did you see them"

Cas nodded still smiling "Yep. I'm gonna break your boyfriends face"

Dean slid his hand around Cas' waist and kissed his cheek "Not if I don't first baby... so...you wanna show me some of that boom clap action"

Cas shook his head "Not funny Dean"

Dean nibbled on his neck "What? I thought it was hot."

Cas bit Dean's bottom lip" The grinding you'll get from me will be allot hotter then a fucking hip swivel. Come on. We've gotta get to that reception"

****

In the Limo on the way to the reception Crowley poured himself a drink "This was a terrible idea Zar. Dean looked at me like whatever truce we had was over. You might as well just pay up now and we can go home. Castiel was clearly all sunshine and happiness."

Zar laughed 'Oh please! Do you miss everything of import? So, Dean looked in your general direction? So what? He still at least was somewhat smiling. What you missed, clearly, was the evil look of death I got from your precious Castiel when he dropped the flowers. Oh no, the game is on, my friend. Lets see who passes GO"

Crowley sighed "I'm gonna need another drink"

***

When Dean and Cas had pulled up then had both attempted to talk the other down. Explaining it was Jess and sam's wedding and neither Zar nor Cowley needed to get beaten bad enough to ruin their special day. They both pretty much had convinced the other that was true. When it came to each other. When it came to them as individuals, however, it was a bit harder to swallow. 

***

**Greeting the guests**

They stood with the rests of the wedding party. Saying hello as the guests filtered into the banquet hall. Zar and Crowley sidled up arm in arm.

Crowley started it " Castiel, you are a vision in white. Like an Angel really. Wouldn't you say so Dean? Its as if Jessica deliberately dressed you two in opposing colors to show the contrasts to your personalities."

Dean sniffed and ran his hand across his nose. Cas layed a hand on his back and rubbed and uttered quietly "Your better then that"

Dean replied to Crowley "Yea.. black and white.. you'd think it was wedding"

Cas laughed "That's my baby" Crowley moved down a little.

Zar started in next "tsk tsk oh Dean. Did they really drape you in black and blue? Or is this a color combination you have grown accustom to with your current choice of lover?"

Cas actually took a step forward and whispered "oh you son of a bitch"

Dean put his hand on the front of Cas' chest rubbing " Come on.... We talked about this."

Cas backed down. Zar just smiled "Oh Dean. Do you EVER let him off his leash?"

Cas smiled back "I'm not wearing a baby tonight Zar"

Balthazar laughed and the progression moved on.

***

**Toast**

The crowd gathered around for the traditional part of the evening when the best man and "man" of honor give the toasts. Cas went first because Dean was nervous. He stood up and looked around at all of Jess' friends and family. He hoped that when he and Dean got married in a few months it would be with the same amount of love and joy. Cas had decided to tell the story of how he had met Jess and they had become best friends.

" Hi. Most of you know me. For those that don't I'm Cas. I'm Jess' best friend and have had the honor of being her man of honor today. To look at Jess and me, you wouldn't think we match up as best friend material. But then, I have recently learned, some of the best matches, are the most unlikely. So. funny story. I was in a bar, a few years back.  ok, quite a few years back. (the crowd laughed) and this tiny little blond who had maybe had a little too much to drink came up to me and she said to me. Quick.. I need you to be my boyfriend. (the crowd laughed again) Needless to say i was flattered. But I told her, sweetheart, thanks but you are REALLY barking up the wrong tree. (Jess put her head in her hands laughing) She explained there was some creep at that bar that wouldn't leave her alone and could I just sit with her and pretend to be her boyfriend. I agreed. Thinking I would help this damsel in distress and it would all be fine. Till this creep just HAD to come over and keep hassling her. Did I mention I was drinking too? ( the crowd laughed) So, next thing I know I have grabbed this girls hand and we are racing from the bar before someone calls the cops. And that's the story of how I got in my first bar fight and met my best friend. So, I just want to toast the happy couple and say Sam thank GOD you weren't a creep, because, I'm not sure I could take you. But honestly. Im so glad she has you, there is no one better for her and vice versa " Sam got up and hugged Cas and Jess hugged him and said she couldn't believe he told that story.

Dean was next up.

"Its no secret my brother and I haven't always seen eye to eye. But anyone who knows us knows, were close. And as far back as I can recall with Sam, came Jess. Its just as it should be. Without each-other they are just half of a piece. I'm telling you though NO ONE believes in true love, like these two. They won't admit it but they probably have a secret stash of Disney movies that they watch together. (the crowd laughed) So it shouldn't come as a surprise that it took these two cupids, and their indelible belief in love, to throw me into the most random of circumstance where I ended up finding the man of my dreams, who I intend to marry. So Sam and Jess congratulations and thank you, thank you a million times for being pesky meddling know it all's who it turns out might actually KNOW IT ALL when it comes to love. I love ya guys. cheers" They both hugged him and Jess told him he had to stop making her cry.

As he was walking past Crowleys table he muttered "did you come out.. at a wedding?"

Dean 'tripped' and dumped his glass of wine into Crowley's lap "Oh. shit. My bad. I hope that stain come's out" He set his glass on the table and walked over to sit with Cas.

Cas ran his hand on Dean's thigh "I'm gonna let that one go cause your speech was sweet. But I noticed the wine" He kissed Dean

 

**First Dance**

As is tradition. The Bride and Groom did their first traditional dance. ** _"Here I Am" by Bryan Adams[  
](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSoZk6OcvRneFfAZH3I3-gQ)_**

Jess had an odd request for the second song She wanted Cas to sing Alice Coopers "Poison" Cause her and Sam had danced to it at their first Halloween party. Cas loved the song and was fine with it. But he needed some air before he sang. So he snuck outside during the bride/groom dance. 

He was over by the limo's and had just lit a cigarette when Crowley rounded the corner "Does your Fiance' know you smoke?"

Cas looked down at the Camel in his hand and turned it in his fingers " I don't" He took a long pull, exhaling slowly. 

Crowley raised an eye brow " Since you have been with him I have seen you 'not' smoke 3 times"

Cas shifted his gaze over to Crowley then leaned against the Limo and took another hit "Guess your just lucky. Since I have been with Dean I have lit up a grand total of 4 times. When his dad died, his memorial, the day I left Dean, and today. You just happen to be present for most of those." Cas was in a foul mood. He tossed the cigarette "Maybe that's not a coincidence"

Crowley tried to touch his arm "oh.. don't be like that"

Cas just looked at his hand menacingly "I really wouldn't touch me right now, Crowley" He walked back inside. Crowley thought to himself  Well, I might end up out of $500 after all.

Cas came in and ran into Dean. "Hey babe. Where you been I've been looking everywhere for you"

Cas was looking past him trying to get to the stage area so he could set up for the next song " Not now baby"

Dean stopped him "Why do you smell like smoke? Were you outside?"

Cas didn't need this right now "Babe! I gotta get to the stage. We'll discuss this later"

Then Crowley came waltzing inside and fucking handed Cas a book of matches "You dropped these, love" and sauntered off. If Dean didn't kill him Cas was going to after his song. 

Dean turned and looked at Cas "Is this a joke?"

Then they heard Jess announce "And now my best friend has agreed to sing for us, lets make him feel welcome. Cas! get your sexy behind up here"

Cas smiled and ran up there Grabbing the microphone from Jess. The crowd applauded.

As the music started Balthazar came up to Dean "I suppose a dance is out?" he pouted playfully

Deans head whipped around "Lets go" he grabbed Zar's hand. If those two wanted to fucking piss off him and Cas. Fine. He would help. 

Cas' eyes turned to two slits when he saw Dean hit the Dance floor with Zar. But The instrumental part was over and so he sang. Later he would handle THAT.

 ** _Your cruel device_**  
**_your blood, like ice_**  
**_One look, could kill_**  
**_My pain, your thrill_**  
  
**_I want to love you but I better not touch (dont touch)_**  
**_I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop_**  
**_I want to kiss you but I want it too much (too much)_**  
**_I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison_**  
**_You're poison, running through my veins_**  
**_Poison_**  
**_I don't want to break these chains_**  
  
**_Your mouth, so hot_**  
**_Your web, I'm caught_**  
**_Your skin, so wet_**  
**_Black lace, on sweat_**  
  
**_I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (and pins)_**  
**_I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name_**  
**_Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin (deep in)_**  
**_I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison_**  
**_You're poison, running through my veins_**  
**_Poison_**  
**_I don't want to break these chains_**  
**_Poison..._**  
  
(guitar solo)

Zar had already been way to hands on with Dean in Cas'opinion. He had his hand on the small of Deans back and his knee dangerously close to his groin.But then, Zar dipped his mouth and touched Deans neck.Thankfully Dean pushed Zar off But Cas saw it .Dean left the dance floor. Dean blew a kiss to Cas  and mouthed sorry. Cas nodded while singing his eyes saying its ok baby

  
_**One look, could kill**_  
_**My pain, your thrill**_

  
_**I want to love you but I better not touch (dont touch)**_  
_**I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop**_  
_**I want to kiss you but I want it too much (to much)**_  
_**I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison**_  
_**You're poison, running through my veins**_  
_**Poison**_  
_**I don't want to break these chains**_  
_**Poison (Poi-son)**_  
  
_**I want to love you but I better not touch (dont touch)**_  
_**I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop**_  
_**I want to kiss you but I want it too much (too much)**_  
_**I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison**_  
_**Yeah**_  
_**Well I don't want to break these chains**_  
_**Poison**_  
_**Runnin' deep inside my veins**_  
_**Burnin' deep inside my brain**_  
_**Poison**_  
_**And I don't want to break these these chains**_  
_**Poison**_

The song ended. The crowd applauded and the DJ started right back in playing the normal playlist set up by Jess and Sam. 

Cas stepped of the dias and without missing a step wrapped his arm around Zar neck (as if they were old friends) He said low where only Zar could hear. "Walk with me fucker. I think its time we had a chat" He kept a smile in place the whole time. Cas walked him to the back kitchen, there were a few staff members in there. But since his fiance' owned the place it was surprisingly easy to tell them to leave. He let Zar go after that. Cas ran a hand through his hair. He paced the kitchen like a caged animal. He was deciding between what he wanted to do and how much he could get away with in Dean's eyes. Zar made the mistake of talking " Look.. Cassie.."

Cas turned and punched him in the mouth. Zar covered his hand with his mouth a bit shocked. Cas didn't raise his voice but it echoed a bit in the empty kitchen " You don't get to talk! This isn't a dialog type of conversation. You get to shut up! I talk."

Someone popped their head in "everything ok?"

Cas smiled and gave a thumbs up. When they left he said "Damn it. fucking echo." he looked around and then grabbing Zar by the arm he shoved him into the walk in fridge with him.

As Zar went in Cas sent him sprawling against some empty boxes in the back. He hit and then got up and turned around. "you can't be serious"

Cas stepped closer fist raised and Zar raised his hand "ok.. talk"

Cas leaned his back against the door of the fridge. "I get it. You're arrogant. You're spoiled. and you're jealous. Maybe Dean was to young or scared to come out when you were together. Maybe he just didn't love you. I don't know. I don't Care. Your whole demeanor since I layed eyes on you has been a giant fuck you to me. You have pretty much tried to fuck my man right in front of my face. I figure your either to stupid to realize who you were dealing with cause I had my kid with me or to stupid to realize it was a bad idea to mess with someone like me. I don't know. Either way.. I think. For Dean. I MIGHT have let it go."

Zar stood up "look.. That's all very touching but" Cas punched him in the gut and then in the left cheek. He shook his fist out. He leaned over him " I wasn't finished .Sit down" He pushed him to a sitting position on the floor.

"As i was saying. I might have let that go. But then. You actually touched him." Cas crouched down to eye level with Zar "I don't know what it is. Call it jealousy. Protectiveness. Animal instinct." he ran his hand over his eyes and down his face to rest on his chin " But when a mother FUCKER has the audacity" He reached out and grabbed Zar's hair "to actually place his lips on MY man right in front of my eyes. Well" Cas pulled back and slammed his fist into Zar's right cheek bone. Cas heard a crunch and knew it was his hand. He let Zar crumple to the ground "I just wont tolerate it" Cas stood up. I hope you have enjoyed this little lesson. He opened up the fridge and left it opened. As he was leaving Crowley came hurrying in Cas was cradling his hand " Hey Crowley.. I put him on ice for you" he walked out

***

Crowley opened the fridge and looked in Zar was trying to stand "bloody hell"

Crowley inclined his head " Looks like I owe you $500"

Zar grabbed an ice pack from off the shelf couldn't seem to decide where to put it first so just covered the front of his face with it "what happened to you"

The side of Crowleys face was red and purplish bruising was already forming. He pointed at it "oh this? Dean Winchester. He found me in the Mens room. Hit my face with a door.. no.. better still.. he hit a stall door with my face. He told me, If I wanted to make him jealous, I had to try a hell of a lot harder then that. Then he took off."

Zar laughed " Wow I was wrong.. they are quite well suited"

Crowley looked around at the freezer disaster "what happened to you?"

Zar removed the ice bag and looked at Crowley dead-pan " I tried a hell of a lot harder. So.. what do you say, wanna keep a fella warm tonight?"

Crowley shrugged "I've had worse offers. Come on, I know a back way out. Its safer"

***

**Cut the cake**

Cas ran into Dean in the hall. "Baby, there about to cut the cake come on" He grabbed Cas hand and Cas nearly hit the ground. His whole face went white and he leaned against the wall.

Dean turned around for a second then looked back at Cas " Cas.. you didn't..."

Cas just looked up at him with mournful eyes. Dean ran his hand over his head "Cas.. god dammit. Your a guitarist. Did you even think?"

Cas looked down at his right hand that was already swelling "maybe its not broken"

Dean pinched it and Cas hit the ground. Nausea swam through him "Mother fucker Dean. ok..fine..its broken. Give me your tie"

Dean crouched in front of Cas and put his hands on either side of Cas face, searching his eyes to be sure of the truth "Baby. What does he look like right now?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Not even a little bit"

"Dean..'

Dean put his head against Cas and closed his eyes " I can handle it. Just tell me."

Dean heard Zar's voice "Oh Dean. As much as I would love to make him suffer, I actually deserved this beating. I'm alive and walking. No charges pressed, surprisingly little blood shed. I'm off now." Dean looked up and assessed all damages. It was still pretty bad, but he knew his Cas, it could have been worse. Zar nodded and walked away.

He exhaled loudly and put his head back against Cas forehead "I shouldn't have danced with him, that was stupid"

Cas smiled "I saw Crowley's face by the way. Tough guy. . I was only outside smoking a cigarette cause I was stressed"

Dean shrugged "I maintain that he ran into a stall door in the men's room. Wait.. you smoke? How did I not know this?"

Cas shook his head " I don't. Not really. We gotta hide my hand babe. If Jess figures it out she will freak"

Dean kissed him "I have an idea. ..but your not gonna like it"

***

So Jess and Sam cut the cake. They handed the knife off for safe keeping and fed each other a piece of the cake. Pictures were taken it was adorable. Then as they were divvying up the pieces, Dean 'accidentally' bumped the knife. Cas reached out his right hand to catch it and 'accidentally' caught it with the blade side toward his palm. Unfortunately the blade was slippery with cake so it slid out of Cas grasp cutting a pretty nasty gash in his hand. Dean volunteered to take him to the ER as it looked like it might need stitches and they could finish their wedding. Under the circumstances, everyone understood and they were quickly on the way to the hospital.

***

"Fuck!! This hurts worse then the break! You ever had cake in a wound Dean? huh? great idea! baby!"

"Cas.. could you not scream at me while I'm trying to drive your broken bleeding ass to the hospital that would be FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC"

"None of this would have happened if you wouldn't have been grinding on ZAR!!"

"You know what.. I'm gonna pretend that your in shock."

Dean switched on the radio and turned it up 

 

**_But I keep cruising_ **

**_Can't stop, won't stop moving  
It's like I got this music_ **

_In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright_  
Cause the players gonna play, play, play  
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate

**_Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake  
Shake it off_ **

**_Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break_ **  
**And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake**  
**Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake**  
**Shake it off, Shake it off**

 

Dean switched the radio back off  
  
  
"You ok."

"No.. now I'm pretty sure I'm actually in shock. what the fuck was that?"

"I don't know.. music.."

"No Dean.. that was not music.."

* * *

**That night**

  Finally home after what seemed like the worlds longest wedding. Cas and Dean checked on Claire and were sad that the trip to the ER had taken so long they hadn't gotten home to sing her to sleep. Cas was just grateful she at least had Julie back so she was with someone comfortable on a night like that. It turned out Cas didn't need stitches, which they figured. It also turned out he had definitely broken his hand. He had what was called a "boxers fracture' lucky him, it was extremely rare. He fractured the  2nd AND 3rd metacarpals in his right hand. The reason it was so rare was apparently most people improperly throw a punch and fracture the 4th and 5th metacarpals. But not Cas, oh no, he just had to go and really fuck himself up. For some people it wouldn't matter much one way or another. A fracture is a fracture. But for Cas, the difference in those fractures was pretty big. If it had been the 4th and 5th or ring and pink finger he still could have played. But he fractured his hand in such a way that not only could he not use those finger's, he couldn't bend any of them. He effectively could not strum. Cas had 6 weeks to think about that while he healed.

  They climbed into bed. Dean lay on Cas chest. For a long time they both just lay there. They weren't asleep just had so much on their minds. So they lay and watched the stars circle overhead in the disco ball. 

..........

 

..........

 

 

............

 

 

............

 

 

............

 

 

"Did you take something for the pain in your hand?"

"No, will you get it for me"

 

Dean got up and got a couple Vicodine's for Cas and a bottle of water. Cas didn't know if he wanted to cry or fuck or talk. He didn't know what Dean wanted. He took the pills.

"Thank's"

Dean lay back down on him. After a couple minutes the pills seemed to start working. Then Dean was kissing his neck. He was kissing his chest. His thumbs slid along the waist band of Cas pajamas and he looked up at him. "I wanna do something you haven't let me do, not once, since we got together"

Cas was feeling the effects of the meds. He smiled a half grin  "whats that?"

" I want. To suck you off. till you come. In my mouth. I want that"

Cas cocked his head to the side "just that?"

Dean nodded vigorously "yes, Cas."

Cas' left hand clumsily petted Deans head and moved him toward his groin " ok baby. you win"

Dean kissed him "Thank you baby" He slid back down his body and slid off Cas pajama pants. Dean looked down at Cas and licked his lips in anticipation. Cas was watching him, excited by how much Dean wanted Cas to fill his mouth and spill down his throat. The thought alone got Cas hard. As soon as he started to grow Dean pounced, hungrily sucking. Cas fisted his one good hand in Deans hair and coaxed his head down his shaft knowing it drove Dean on, making him want more, turning him on. Dean moaned onto Cas' cock making him hiss in pleasure. He arched his hips up fucking into Dean's mouth. Cas was panting and his legs were shaking.Dean sucked and moaned reeling with the pleasure of finally getting to bring Cas to this point of delirium. His hand's were gripping Cas' ass and as he could tell Cas was getting close he slid a finger inside his ass and hit his prostate. Cas hand gripped the back of Deans head "Baby.. " he pulled back some and Dean resisted. "its ok" Cas panted "open your mouth.. I want to watch you swallow it" Cas got up on his knees above Dean and placed the head of his cock in Deans mouth. Dean sucked on the head again and then fingers Cas' asshole when Cas doubled over Dean pulled back enough that when Cas came it spewed out in a stream that cascaded down into his mouth " oh.. fuck yes Dean.. thats beautiful" Cas worked his cock with his left hand squeezing out the rest of the cum. Dean sat up and sucked off the tip.

Cas grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up into a kiss "Jesus why did I make you wait so long. that was hot. really hot"

Dean smiled "beats me"

He pushed Cas down laying flat on the bed. "Sleep now. Your medicated, babe. I'll still be here tomorrow" Dean lay on Cas chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. taste the cake

**FRIDAY**

Cas had been out at the store and when he came in it was a disconcerting feeling hearing his own voice singing from the living room. He walked in and and soft smile touched his lips. Laying on the couch was Dean. He was asleep with Clair asleep on his chest. A file folder of Cas presumed work papers dropped from Dean's hand haphazardly and filtering softly from the laptop was Cas' CD playing. Cas leaned against the wall and just watched his family for a minute listening to the music. Knowing every song he put on that album he put on it because it made him think of Dean. Thats why he had named the Album **Personal Spaces**. The song just starting was a cover of Dire Straits Romeo and Juliet. 

_**A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streetside serenade** _  
_**Laying everybody low with a love song that he made** _  
_**Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade** _  
_**Says something like, You and me, babe, how about it?** _

_**Juliet says, Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack** _  
_**He's underneath the window, she's singing, Hey, la, my boyfriend's back** _  
_**You shouldn't come around here, singing up at people like that** _  
_**Anyway what you gonna do about it?** _

_**Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start** _  
_**And I bet when you exploded in my heart** _  
_**And I forget, I forget the movie song** _  
_**When you gonna realize, it was just that the timin' was wrong, Juliet?** _

  Cas smiled "truer words..." He wen't over and shut off the music. Dean opened his eyes and put his hand on Claire's back to steady her. Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair "shhh its ok, go back to sleep" 

Dean smiled and whispered " I should get up. I have work to do"

Cas furrowed his brow. Dean had been working like he used to work recently. Not to mention trying to plan their wedding and he insisted that just because they had a nanny did not mean Claire didn't have two fully capable dad's to care for her. So he barely slept. But Cas held his tongue. Dean would let him know if he needed help. He hoped.

"Ok.. If you're sure.."

"Yea.. could you just..uh.. could you grab this little bear here' Dean kissed her head and snuggled closer to her once more then reluctantly let Cas take her. She rolled into Cas' arms and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Her little foot kicked out and hit his hand making him wince. He shifted her closer to his left side.

Dean shook his head "still pretty bad huh?"

"It's only been 2 weeks Dean. I'm not expecting miracles" But truthfully. Cas was. He felt like maybe if he could do more around the house Dean could do less and then he could sleep. Ok, so maybe Cas was more worried then he was letting on. He leaned in and kissed Dean. 

"You know I love you right? I don't care how long it take's us to get married?"

Dean rubbed his brow "Cas, we've been over this. You don't get engaged then wait like 4 fucking years to get married ok?" he sounded snippy

" I'm gonna go lay Claire down, I'll be right back" Cas wasn't going to fight in front of their sleeping baby

When he got back down stairs Dean was on his laptop. He didn't know why but it made something burn low in the pit of his stomach. "you were saying"

Dean looked up, distracted for a second like he wasn't sure where he was.He set his lap top aside "What? Oh. No. Cas come over here please" Cas came over and resisted the urge to glare at the lap top. Dean pulled Cas between his legs. " I didn't mean to be a dick. I'm working my ass of at the office trying to run the damn thing and I just want us to be married. Now. Not in 2 years. Not in 3. But I don't want to elope. So its a lot on my plate." Cas looked away getting pissed. Dean shifted his gaze so it followed Cas till Cas made eye contact again and had to smile a little at hi tactic "Its a lot, but its worth it. Because I love you. Because I want it all, with you. OK. So can you cut you me a break? What do say?"

Cas tryed to frown but he was never any good at it when Dean was trying to be adorable "I say your an asshole"

"yea.. well I learned it from watchin' you "

Cas laughed and put his arms around Deans shoulders "That's probably true. I'm a terrible influence on you" He kissed him slow and deep and all too soon Dean cut it off.

" I gotta get back to work. I love you" He shifted and picked up the lap top and Cas went to try and find something he could do left handed.

* * *

 

 

 

**SATURDAY**

 

The alarm went off blaring in Cas' ear. He shuffled with it. Looked at the time 7:00am. Must be a mistake. He shut it off and went back to sleep. A few moments later Dean was shaking him awake.

 

"Come on baby. Time to get up. Were gonna be late for the cake tasting"

Cas grabbed the pillow and put it over his face " You have got to be fucking kidding me"

Dean moved the pillow and kissed him quickly "Not kidding. Get up"

"Dean. I have recently decided I hate cake. I'm going back to sleep'

"Cas. Come on. Seriously. get up"

Cas sat up on one elbow "You don't even like Cake. You like pie. I say pie. There decision made. Now I can sleep." he chanced laying back down

Dean splayed his hands on either side of him on the bed and his face looked very serious "Cas. We are not having fucking pie for our fucking wedding Cake. Now if you don't get out of that bed right now. I will bury you in it." He stood up and stomped to the dresser pulling out socks.

Cas lay frozen for a second "Holy shit. What just happened? I think you just went bridezilla on me baby"

Dean just glared at him while putting on his shoes. Cas got up. Dean was obviously not fucking around with wedding cakes.

As soon as Cas had gotten his pants zipped Dean yelled "Charlie! you can come in now"

Cas looked over his shoulder "What the fuck?"

"Charlie is my personal assistant. I thought she might come in handy"

"O...K..."

Charlie rushed in "OK. so.. were..pretty much right on schedule. Good thinking setting Cas' alarm a half hour early knowing he would bitch" she winked at Dean, Dean winked Back Cas glared at both of them and yanked a shirt out of a drawer, slamming it shut. She handed a coffee to Dean then one to Cas. Cas was almost ready to forgive her for the early alarm thing when "What the hell am I drinking???"

Charlies eyes went big "Its a vanilla latte. I just assumed you drank the same thing as Dean"

Cas shuddered " God. no. look.. I'm not really an asshole.."

Charlie inclined her head disbelieving

"ok.. i'm not that much of an asshole"

"eh.."

"ok.. fine! i'm an asshole. I take my coffee black" He handed her back the offensive latte

Charlie looked at the latte then at Cas he had an expectant look on his face "Oh! .. you want that now" he nodded "On it" she ran out

Cas sat on the bed and pinched the bridge of his nose

Dean cleared his throat "you know you don't have to be a dick to Charlie she's a sweet girl"

"Shut up Dean. or I'm not tasting your cake"

Dean shut up, eventually Cas got his coffee and eventually they got through the Cake tasting.

They chose a chocolate fudge brownie with salted caramel filling. Cas thought it was a bit too decadent but Dean loved it and at 8 am Cas just wasn't that picky. So they went with it. Charlie wrote it in in pen , in the wedding planner book (Cas didn't know they had) which Dean informed Cas meant he couldn't change his mind later. What-the-fuck-ever. Dean could have any sticky sweetness he wanted. Cas just wanted sleep.

* * *

**SUNDAY**

*CRASH*  Julie came running into the kitchen. Cas had accidentally knocked over his coffee cup. He picked it up and broke the rest of it by chucking it into the sink furiously.

"Hey, easy there Cas. Its just a coffee cup" She stepped around him and got a rag and began cleaning up the spilled coffee. 

Cas leaned his head back against the counter "It's this damn hand. Where's Dean"

She rung out the rag and leaned her hip against the sink "You know your voice mail guy. He spent all morning speaking in Japanese on his blue tooth"

"His what"

"The thing you call his 'Head set thingy" Cas nodded

"Anyway, then he called 3 caterers, didn't seemed satisfied, now he is at the park with Claire"

Cas looked at his watch "Its 9am, on a Sunday"

"Don't I know it" Julie shook her head "I'm pretty sure he's been up since like 4. I think he felt bad for waking Claire, that's why he took her out."

Cas laughed sadly " Its Sunday..."

"Yea... Hey.. you wanna talk about it? I know your BFF is off on some crazy honeymoon tour"

Cas shook his head "No. I want to fucking play. I need music Julz. I gotta get out of here. Tell Dean, I guess, If he notices I'm gone, tell him I didn't leave him or anything, I just need to find some music"

Julie looked around "O..K.. I'll just be here then. Not being a nanny."

Cas popped his head back in "I owe you my life Julie. Truly. Your amazing. I just gotta take off."

She threw a dish cloth at him "Go. Your making me crazy."

***

Cas walked into the _ **Crossroads**_ and of course it was dead. It was 9am on a Sunday.

"Hey Clarence. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes"

Cas smiled and sat at the bar "Meg. We've been over this. I truly believe you would not have jumped off that bridge that night. Weather I was there to stop you or not"

Meg shrugged " Doesn't stop the fact that you did and I have a second chance to accept my wonderful life, Clarence. So what can I get you?"

"Shot of whiskey and put it on the rocks, so I can pretend I'm not doing shots in the morning on the weekend"

Meg shrugged "Didn't used to care. Shit! What happened to your hand?"

Cas glared at his hand "I hit something"

"What?"

"Me"

Cas turned around and Balthazar was standing behind him. He looked pretty good but there was still a bit of yellowing in places on his face. Meg raised her eyebrows and shimmied off down to the other side of the bar.

Zar raised his hands "I don't want to fight Castiel. I just want to talk" He sat on the stool next to Cas"

"Talking is what got us here to begin with"

Zar sighed "Why are you at a bar drinking on a Sunday morning?"

Cas tinkled the ice in his glass and Meg refilled it and hurried away. Cas didn't look at Zar. " Any reason I should even contemplate answering you?"

" Castiel. Look. I apologies. I was deliberately confrontational. But I truly hope you and Dean aren't having problems"

Cas glanced over at Zar "Is that right?"

"Yes. I have recently come to the conclusion that you two are perfect for each other. Although admittedly, had I not seen Crowley's face I wouldn't have thought Dean capable"

Cas took a sip of his drink "Dean is capable of a great many things people don't give him credit for"

Zar smiled " You see. There, Like that. I have known Dean 15 years and I could count on 1 hand the number of people who might say something like that in his defense. For you it comes naturally. I like that. So I have decided to jump on the Destiel ship. Thats a combination of Dean and Castiel, and let you two sail into the sunset. So, now, will you answer my question. Why are you at a bar drinking on a Sunday morning? "

"Because I punched you in the face, A lot"

Zar rolled his eyes "Oh stop it"

Cas held up his injured hand, then set it down "I'm not kidding. I let my anger get the best of me, again. Now I'm paying for it. I didn't think. Not that I don't think you deserved it, you did. But it didn't have to be me."

"ok. So, you injured your hand and what? Dean is angry?

"No. Dean is.. No. I'm a musician Zar. A guitarist. And a Singer. But, I can't play. Playing is how I get out what's in my head.."

Zar leaned his elbows on the bar "And whats in your head?"

"Your a nosy SOB, you know that. Whatever. Its Sunday, OK. Its mine and Deans.. I don't know.. our "day" but he's busy. Its stupid. And its really fine, but I can't just jam it out cause of this. So.. here I am instead"

Zar leaned his head on his hand "I play"

Cas looked over at him sharply "You what?"

Zar shrugged "I play. Maybe not as good as you. I don't know. But, its an empty bar. If you want to 'jam it out' as you say, I can play, you can sing. viola' everything is fine. Under one condition"

Cas' eyes pierced Zar's "Name it"

"Nothing sad and pathetic. You are a man in love. You have a good man. Who love's you. your getting married. You have a beautiful daughter. Deal?"

Cas smiled "Deal"

They agreed on a song and Cas got a couple other band mates that were milling about to help out. Luckily Zar said he knew the song and would do backup's where needed. 

_**Sunday morning, rain is falling** _   
_**Steal some covers, share some skin** _   
_**Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable** _   
_**You twist to fit the mold that I am in** _   
_**But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do** _   
_**And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew** _   
_**That someday it would lead me back to you** _   
_**That someday it would lead me back to you** _

_**That may be all I need** _   
_**In darkness, he is all I see** _   
_**Come and rest your bones with me** _   
_**Driving slow on Sunday morning** _   
_**And I never want to leave** _

_**Fingers trace your every outline** _   
_**Paint a picture with my hands** _   
_**Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm** _   
_**Change the weather, still together when it ends** _

_**That may be all I need** _   
_**In darkness, he is all I see** _   
_**Come and rest your bones with me** _   
_**Driving slow on Sunday morning** _   
_**And I never want to leave** _

_**But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do** _   
_**Sunday morning, rain is falling and I'm calling out to you** _   
_**Singing, someday it'll bring me back to you.** _   
_**Find a way to bring myself back home to you** _

_**Yea baby , all I need** _   
_**In darkness, you are all I see** _   
_**Come and rest your bones with me** _   
_**Driving slow on Sunday morning** _   
_**Driving slow** _

_**It's flower in your hair** _   
_**I'm a flower in your hair** _

 

****

Dean Had gotten back from his walk with Claire about 10 minutes after Cas left. It had started to sprinkle so he brought her home. She was in her playpen playing and he was talking to Julie.

"So he just broke the cup and took off?"

"No. He said he had to go find music"

 "Did he say anything before that?"

Julie shook her head "No.. just said it was Sunday. Then he said he had to go find music and to tell you"

Dean put his head in his hand for a second "Shit. It is Sunday. Thanks Julie. Cas is right. What would we do without you?"

"Oh.. so I get to do my job now?" she laughed

"Yes Julie. Please watch Claire. I gotta go get Cas"

"But you don't know where he is"

"I know where he is"

***

When Dean walked into the _**Crossroads**_ he expected a lot of things. He didn't expect to see Cas and Zar sitting on stools on stage singing and even laughing at times while Zar played guitar and Cas sang. But Dean didn't mind. He settled into the back to watch the show. If he knew his Cas, he knew why he was singing it. It was Sunday. Dean had baled on their "resolve-everything-and-make-love day" But Cas wasn't singing an angry fuck you Dean song. He was literally singing a song about life gets hard but you can just resolve it and make love on a Sunday morning. Dean found himself smiling. When the song ended Dean pushed himself off the wall and walked into the light as Cas was giving Zar an awkward left handed hand shake.

Dean called up to him "Castiel Novak. Get off that stage so I can kiss the air out of you"

Cas grinned and jumped down "Hey baby. You found me." He wrapped his good arm around Deans waist, puling him close.

Dean smelled the whiskey "Drinking at 9 am. I can't let you out of my site for a second" But he was smiling

"I blame Zar."

Zar laughed behind them and rolled his eyes "Oh yes darling because I am such the whiskey type.. carry on kiss already"

Cas looked at Dean "Its Sunday"

Dean cupped his face "i know babe. I'm sorry. Lotta Sunday left though. Julie has Claire." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Cas grinned " Someone threatened to kiss the air out of me"

Dean grabbed Cas by the face and kissed him breathless " lets go home"

Cas nodded

Dean looked behind him while Cas was grabbing his coat "Not sure how you did it but.. Thanks Zar"

Zar shrugged "What can I say.. I'm a sucker for true love"

 

* * *

**August**

The summer heat was making everyone miserable. Though Cas had to admit there were advantages. Cas had just just left the kitchen and was heading outside with a couple drinks for him and Dean and a sippy cup of juice for Claire. He looked through the screen and watched Dean set Claire in the tiny little kiddy pool they had gotten for her and pick up the garden hose. Cas' breath hitched as Dean turned on the water and let it cascade down, first wetting his hair then his body. Dean ran a hand through his hair shaking off the rest of the water. I take it back thought Cas, I fucking love summer. He pushed the screen with his back and came out. Dean smiled and shut off the hose. He jogged over. His now wet shorts clinging to his thighs, making Cas very aware of all of his toned thighs and it didn't help he was shirtless.

"Thank's baby. Its hot out here"

Cas readjusted his groin "Yes it is. Do you intentionally torture me or are you just unaware of your effect on the human race?

Dean laughed and sat in the lawn chair by Claire , he splashed a bit of water at her making her giggle "What are you talking about Cas?"

Cas Came up behind him and slid his hand down Deans wet chest and kissed his neck "I'm talking about you playing in the hose and looking like a sexy beer add. I about came right there on the porch"

Dean slid his hand up Cas arm "Oh yea? I'll have to remember that trick" He looked up and wagged his eyebrows.

Cas pushed on his shoulder but ended up letting Dean pull him in for a kiss. He sat down in the other chair by the 'pool' "So. Please tell me, we don't have any more 'thingys' to attend. In order to get married in October"

Dean reached out and grabbed his hand "Nope. All done ,and you have been a trooper. Thank you. Venue set, even though I don't see why it couldn't have been at Winchester place.."

"It just can't, OK?"

"Ok, dropping it."

"Thank you. Moving on."

"Yes. Cake ordered. Flowers ordered. Caterer picked."

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Fucking Cas. Come on!"

"Baby. This is all excessive and Insane." Cas ran his hands through his hair. "Its just you and me tough guy and this little princess" He splashed Claire and she kicked, splashing more. "Why all the bells and whistles?'

Dean got up and went inside, Cas though for a second he was pissed, but he came back out with Julie.

"Cas, come with me a sec, Julie's gonna sit with Claire"

Dean took Cas inside and upstairs. He pulled a milk crate out from under his desk and set it on the bed. He pulled out Cas' CD first.

"Dean what is all this?"

"Shhh..you'll see"

Dean continued to pull out things from the crate. The calender that had marked the days Cas was away. Clare's official name change envelope. Dean's hospital bracelet. An empty bottle of Vicodin. Cas' white shirt that had been stained with blood. Cas' blue tie Dean had taken off him trying to have office sex. A receipt for a Robbie Krieger replica guitar and specialty case. A CD that looked like it was burned for Dean that said Cas sings _somewhere out there_ ~ C. Memory after memory came out of the crate. Dean lay them all on the bed. Then he sighed and looked over everything "This is why Cas. Because you and me. We ARE bells and whistles."

Cas looked at everything Dean had in his little treasure chest, he shook his head in wonder "Dean.. Promise me you will never stop surprising me"

"I'll do my best"

Cas stood up and pulled Dean into a kiss, he walked him back till his back hit the bedroom door "And if its bells and whistles you want. I can give you those baby." Cas' hands traveled down Dean's bare back and cupped his ass hitching him up, his legs wrapping around Cas' waist. His tongue dove into Deans mouth.

Dean was panting "I know you can. Just one of the things I love about you Cas" Deans head fell back to allow Cas better access to his neck.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Dean's secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some light bdsm at the beginning of this chapter. you can skim past if you are squimish :)

**October**

It was one week till the wedding. And everything was crazy. Most of all Dean. Cas knew if he didn't get him out of that head space Dean wasn't making it in one piece down the isle. He decided to pay a visit to Dean at work. He packed a "lunch bag" and headed into the city. He didn't realize just how bad Dean actually was though till Charlie poked her head in his office to attempt to tell him Cas was there. 

"Charlie. What the hell am I drinking?"

"I'ts your normal Latte'

"No. This is tepid. Bullshit excuse for my latte. Could you bring me something above room temperature."

"uh. Uhm. sure. But Dean.."

"You really should call me Mr. Winchester at the office Charlie"

Charlie looked back outside the door at Cas her eyes saying sorry "Right. Mr. Winchester. The things is.."

"Charlie close that door. I need to take this call. And bring me that damn coffee!"

Charlie closed the door and looked at Cas "Maybe now isn't the best time?"

Cas' mouth was open in astonishment. This was worse then he thought. That didn't sound like Dean in there. That sounded like John. Dean had never spoken to Charlie like that. He must be more stressed then he was letting on. Cas smiled warmly at Charlie "Hey. How about you show me where the coffee maker is. Then I'll just go in. If he yell's. its on me"

Charlie shrugged "Ok, if you're sure?"

Cas' smile wasn't so pleasant "Oh Im sure"

***

Cas opened up Dean's door just as he took off his headset and chucked it against the wall. Dean flopped back in his chair. "Is that my coffee?"

"I always hated that headset anyway."

Dean slowly turned around in his chair to face the door "Cas.. what are you doing here?"

Cas kicked the door closed behind him and locked it. He walked over to Deans desk and set the coffee on it and he sat on the edge. "I came to see my Fiance' who seemed to be stressed. Looks like i'm not a moment to soon'

Dean rubbed his brow with his hand "Cas. now is not really a good time"

Cas' voice was authoritive. Broking no argument."Dean." Dean looked up. Cas leaned one arm on the arm of the chair and the other on the desk "Here's whats gonna happen. I'm going to push this button. You are going to apologize to Charlie for being a dick and basically sounding like your dad"

Dean tried to speak.

Cas shook his head no. "I wasn't finished. Then You are going to tell her to hold all your calls and not disturb you till I leave this office. Do you understand?"

Dean licked his bottom lip "I really should.."

"Dean. I love you. That was not a request." Cas' eyes confirmed his seriousness. He moved his hand over to the button knowing Dean would obey. When Dean nodded. Cas depressed it.

Dean cleared his throat "Charlie. I'm sorry. I was being a dick. It was completely out of line. You deserve better then that. Could you please make sure I'm not disturbed and that I don't receive any phone calls till Cas leaves. I'm taking lunch in my office"

"Sure thing boss. And hey Dean.. don't worry about it. we all have bad days"

Cas unclicked the button "Good"

He smiled at Dean. He stood him up and cocked his head to the side assessing his outfit. Dean had removed his outer jacket. Which left him wearing a light blue shirt with yellow suspenders and a lighter yellow tie. Dean's heart rate had increased as soon as Cas had given him the first order. He didn't even realize how much he needed this, till Cas came in and reminded him. Cas slid his hand up the tie and yanked Dean forward. He kissed him gripping the back of his neck with the other hand. Cas pressed his head against Deans forcing him to look into his eyes. His hands on either side of his head. "You gotta get outta this head baby. You want me to take you outta your head"

Dean nodded. He whispered "yes" Cas cocked an eyebrow disapprovingly "Yes, please"

Cas pulled the suspenders off of Deans shoulders and used them to pin his arms behind his back. He pressed him against the door. He gripped Deans chin and kissed him taking his tongue into Cas mouth. He sucked his tongue making Dean moan and writh his hips in an attempt to get at Cas. Cas pressed on hand against Deans him and pulled back. He said sharply "Hold still" He continued his assault on Deans mouth. His lips bruising with their pressure. Dean was letting out little gasps and pants. His cock hardened but he didn't shift his hips. Cas ran his hand down the front of Deans slacks and rubbed his cock "good boy"  He yanked him forward and snaked his hand in his hair. His other hand wrapping around to steady Dean and keep his hands behind his back.

Cas shifted his hips grinding his cock against Deans groin. Dean moaned out "Cas.."

 Cas looked thoughtful "Your right. This isn't going to do it. Down." He pushed on Dean's shoulder and Dean sank to his knee's with a moan. Cas Crouched in front of him.  So his eyes were level were Deans. "I would love to give you the spanking you so desperately deserve for your behavior recently, but were in your office, so that won't work" He pulled at Deans tie removing it from around his neck. "You also, are far to loud, open" Dean opened his mouth and Cas tied the tie around creating a gag. He kissed Deans lips with the gag in place. He smoothed the hair on his head and whispered in his ear "Don't you worry baby. I Can still take u some place else. Do you trust me" He looked at Deans eyes.

Dean looked back into Cas' eyes, his stare never wavering He nodded

Cas looked over at the Red sued couch. his hand slid down and he began to undid Dean's fly, sliding his hand into his pants "I'm going to fuck you. Bent over that couch. With all of your employees right outside that door. Would you like that Dean? Does that thought excite you?'

Dean's hips were shifting against Cas' hand while he was talking. Dean nodded and closed his eyes.

"Good and don't worry I brought provisions" he lifted the 'lunchbag' and pulled out lube and condoms

He stood up and removed the gag from Deans mouth "You're going to have to get me ready. Which i know for you is a privilege, not a punishment anyway. I saw that smile Dean." Cas undid his pants and Dean wet his lips in anticipation. Cas held one hand behind his head and use the other to guide his cock into Deans mouth. Dean sucked it into his mouth as soon as he got enough in. Cas had to steady his hand on Deans head so he didn't gag him with his cock in the back of his throat. He closed his eyes. His mouth opening partly he let out a barely whispered "fuck" Cas would never know what made Dean so damn good at that. Maybe it was the fullness of his lips or his eagerness to please. He would just get this suction and move his head and swirl his tongue and even with no hands Cas had to try everything in his arsenal not to pour hot semen down Deans throat every time his lips wrapped around his cock. Cas pulled back and Dean whined. Cas grabbed his face "No whining. Your lucky I can't spank you for that. Go stand over by the couch. Go on. Be a good boy"

Cas replaced Dean's gag and Dean went over by the couch. Cas brought the bag. He removed Deans hands from the suspenders and put leather cuffs on him. Then he removed Deans pants and boxers in one pull. He didn't take them off. He just left them to pool at his feet around his shoes. Cas grabbed a condom and slid it over Dean's cock "Can't have you staining your pretty couch now can we" He grabbed his ass with both hands hard causing Dean to gasp behind his gag and his cock to bob. Then he released.  and rubbed the tender flesh "I said I couldn't spank you. Didn't say, you didn't deserve any punishment for being down right evil to your staff" Dean's knee had fallen on the couch and his hips were gesticulating. "Ok. That's a good boy." Cas slid the condom on himself in case he got to into it and forgot. He grabbed the lube squirted a liberal amount on the small of Dean's back. He rimmed Dean's ass with his finger's making him pant behind the gag then he slid 2 fingers inside and held them there for a minute. Deans body shook his head dropping forward then adjusted as Cas shifted and began massaging his prostate. He started rocking his hips back toward Cas. As Cas finger fucked him he applied more lube to his cock getting it ready. He pulled his fingers out quickly wiping them on a towel and Immediately slid into Dean's ass. Dean cried out against the gag. cas held himself flush against his ass as Dean's body adjusted to the size. He leaned forward slightly Dean moaned "Mmmm. God your ass feels good. you think your employees out there right now are wondering? You think they know their boss is in here getting fucked by his fiance'?" Cas started to move his hips holding onto Deans hips for support. "I think they do. I think they know your in here just getting railed. " Dean's moans were getting hard to cover even with the gag. Cas had to quickly pull the snap on the cuffs and shift Deans arms so he could hold his weight up and still bury his face in the couch to stifle his sounds. Cas finally had to pull out. Remove Deans pants and sit him on his lap on the couch. He removed the tie and kissed him sliding back inside Dean at the same time. Every time Dean went to make a noise Cas caught it with his Mouth. He reached between them and removed the condom on Dean and moved his hand down to stroke him while he grabbed his hips keeping a steady heavy rhythm. As Cas was getting close he gripped deans hair "Look at me" Dean's eye's finally focused on Cas' eyes " I love you"

Dean was panting and biting his lip hard to keep from crying out he panted out "I love you too"

Cas kept eye contact "Cum for me"

Dean's legs shook and his lip quivered from exertion. He replied " Yes. sir" and managed to grab the towel and cum shakily into that whispering "Cas..".

"Jesus...Christ.." Cas was so amazed and impressed it sent him right over the edge. He literally had to bite down on his own hand to prevent himself from shouting. 

Dean lay his head on Cas' chest trying to catch his breath. Cas ran his hand through his hair. Dean muttered " Did i do good"

Cas realized he was so swept away he had forgotten to praise Dean. He kissed him on the top of the head " Yes. You did. So. So good" Cas head dropped Back on the couch. "How do you feel?"

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas "Better. But you knew I would"

Cas chuckled "I did. Yes. Any chance you can take the rest of the day off and get out of here?"

Dean shrugged "I can do anything I want. I'm the boss."

Cas tipped Dean's chin up "Can you please remember that every now and again?"

Dean looked at Cas " I promise, I'll try. Good looking out Cas" Dean smiled

Cas kissed him "Always. Now can we get the fuck out of here"

Dean laughed "Sure"

* * *

 

 

 The next day Cas came down stairs and Dean was feeding Claire her breakfast. Dean was wearing just pajama bottoms and he was dancing around the kitchen and singing to CCR's Bad moon rising. Cas stood in the doorway and watched. 

**_Don't come around tonight_ **

**_Its bound to take your life_ **

**_Yeeeeah the bad moons on the rise_ **

Dean scooped up some baby food. "Come on sweetheart, big bite for papa"  Claire took the bite then drooled. Dean laughed and wiped her mouth. 

Cas pushed off from the doorway and came into the kitchen "You know what I think" He started, grabbing a cup and making some coffee for himself. 

Dean wiped off his hands and came up behind him wrapping his hands around his waist he kissed his neck "What do you think?"

Cas turned in Dean's arms and setting his cup down, he put his arms around Deans waist "I think.. you know my music. In fact I would venture to say you even knew who the Door's were"

Dean stepped out of his arms and busied himself wiping up the counter "Oh yeah? what uh.. what makes you say that?"

Cas pointed to the radio "CCR. The first week I moved in here, it was Motley Crew. You know the words Dean. So.. spill it. Your secret is out"

Dean continued to not look at Cas and do other things "I uh.. I don't know what you mean Cas."

Cas pinned him to the sink and put his arms on either side of his body "Ok, just try and NOT finish these lyrics 'You know that it would be untrue.You know that I would be a liar .If I was to say to you.Girl, we couldn't get much higher..."

Dean clamped his mouth shut, he tried looking around. He tapped his foot. "Dammit. Come on baby, light my fire"

Cas mouth turned into a slow grin "I fucking knew it. Why would you keep that from me? Seem's kind of random and also, Ill-advised since your marrying a musician"

"You'll think its dumb" Dean shrugged

Cas inclined his head "Probably."

"When I got you BABY2 I wanted to get you something special. Something that mattered. You had destroyed your guitar for me."

"All Of this I know... getting to the part where you lied about knowing who the door's were.."

Dean went over and sat in front of Claire to keep feeding her. "Well, I saw that Robbie one there, and she was beautiful. Just sitting on display, the light reflecting off her base as she rotated on the stand. So I knew you had to have it. But then after I bought it I realized that's a hell of a gift to get a 'friend' even a 'friend-with-benefits."

Dean shrugged "I.. basically, I didn't want you to know I was falling in love with you." 

Cas nodded "Yep. Dumb."

Dean scrunched his brow at him "thanks"

Cas came up and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck from behind "I already knew you were falling in love with me. You, know what, I'm glad you did." He kissed his cheek. He reached over and wiggled Claires foot "I think we both are"

Claire gurgled and said "Da. Da. Daddy"

Cas said "Yes!"

Dean said "Nooo" 

Cas came around and kissed Claire "That's right princess. Daddy's here"

Dean was gesturing "Hey Claire look what PAPA has.. its a cookie. can you say Papa?"

Cas laughed "You can't bribe her with cookies"

"Watch me. Pa-pa... come on little cub, you can say it"

 

 

 

 


	22. After all the stops and starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it. Last chapter. If you have hung on this long...I thank you.
> 
> Ps: Manhatten from the sky is actually a song by Kate Voegal
> 
> Wedding song's- After all- Peter Cetera and Cher  
> Never thought that I could love - Dan Hill

  **Engagement party**

  Dean didn't like the idea at first of having the engagement party at C _rossroads._ He thought it should be at some fancy place. But Cas won that argument since it was one of the few things about the wedding or ceremony that he insisted on. Jess and Sam had finally returned from their honeymoon and were beaming. Turn's out Sam decided to buy the coffee house he worked at and he and Jess would run it together. Baby Claire was at home with Julie but they spent the day with her. She had already said 'Daddy' and Dean was really working on getting her to say "papa". He was certain she almost did,but not quite.

 After they had all eaten Cas got up on the stage. He had his guitar with him. He sat down on a stool and spoke into the mic "Hey. Most of you know I have been a pain in the ass for most of this wedding planning stuff and if Dean hadn't been the insane groom that he is, we probably would be getting married here"

Everyone laughed

"Anyway. Dean doesn't know this but, shortly after we met I started writing a song for him. It changed a few times over the time we have been together and fell in love, but I think the message stayed the same. So, Baby, I'd like to sing that for you now"

The crowd clapped and Dean shouted "Lets here it sexy"

 

 

 

 

  
_**Baby,** _  
_**Whatcha doing today, what are you doing later?** _  
_**I don’t know my way through a maze of gray skyscrapers** _  
_**But I’m willing to learn** _

_**If you want me to I’ll stay just where I am** _  
_**But I promise just to follow when I land** _  
_**And you can take my word for that** _

_**You are my Manhattan from the sky** _  
_**You look so neat and tidy when I’m way up high,** _  
_**But I know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside** _  
_**And I wanna come down and walk around your mind.** _

_**Crazy,** _  
_**Once upon an old daydream, that’s what you made me** _  
_**Out on the corner of Broadway and 48th street, On a rainy afternoon** _  
_**Well I could start discovering your land** _  
_**And I would make a damn good city man** _  
_**Things would start to bloom, I’m sure** _

_**You are my Manhattan from the sky** _  
_**You look so neat and tidy when I’m way up high,** _  
_**But I know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside** _  
_**And I wanna come down and walk around your mind.** _

_**I know you want me to see don’t lie to me** _  
_**Why you gotta go be so shy to me?** _  
_**I ain’t buying the false anxiety, let your fortress fall** _  
_**What is it gonna take to get you there?** _  
_**If fear was money you’d be a millionaire** _  
_**Or all alone in a leather swivel chair counting stacks of gold** _  
_**Oh oh** _

_**You are my Manhattan from the sky** _  
_**You look so neat and tidy when I’m way up high,** _  
_**But I know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside** _  
_**And I wanna come down and walk around ohhh** _

_**You are my Manhattan from the sky** _  
_**You look so neat and tidy when I’m way up high,** _  
_**But I know your streets are lined with a fine mess inside** _  
_**And I wanna come down and walk around your mind.** _  
_**  
** _

__

Dean jumped up on the stage and kissed Cas and their friends cheered. He said "You can walk around my mind anytime you want babe"

 

Cas thought it was lame but Dean apparently really was old fashioned and decided they should spend the night before the wedding apart. So Dean went home and Cas went to Sam and Jess's house. At about 1am Cas called Dean. Dean picked up on the first ring. Cas said "I miss you and I can't sleep for shit"

Dean laughed "Me too. Screw it, come home. Not like we do anything traditional anyway"

Cas smiled "On my way baby"

* * *

**Wedding Day**

 

 

 

To say the wedding was over the top was an understatement. Dean didn't hold back. There were red and white roses everywhere. All the seats had those weird slipcovers in white with black bands on them. Cas was in a white tux with black accent's and a red tie and boutanier. Dean was in a black tux with white accents and the same red tie and boutanier. They dressed Claire in a little white dress covered in tiny red roses. They decided not to have a whole wedding party just Sam and Jess standing up there with them as witnesses. Sam in black slacks and a black and white pinstripe shirt and Jess in a black dress with a white sash. Cas was pacing in the foyier of the banquet hall, nervouse as shit. Jess came up and hugged him "Your gonna be fine Cas." she straitened his tie "I might cry. But you will be fine. Little Jimmy Novak's all grown up. I bet your mama is watching you and she is so proud"

Cas pushed Jess playfully "Shut up. your gonna make me cry"

A man came over and touched Cas arm. He turned and the man looked startled. "I..I'm sorry. I overheard your conversation and..this is awkward. Was your mothers name Claire Novak by any chance?"

Cas eyed the man suspiciously "Yea.. what's it to you?"

The man put his hand over his mouth and tears sprung in his eyes " I didn't know you were alive. They told me you died"

Cas ran his hand through his hair "Okay buddy. I think its either time you start talking or start walking"

The man shook his head "Yes of course. My name is Charles Carver. I came here today because I'm an old friend of your fiance's. Let me get to the point. I'm your father"

Cas stared at him "What the fuck did you just say?"

"I know, its hard for me to believe too but, When I heard your friend call you jimmy... That's what we planned on naming you James Novak-Carver. Your mom and I didn't part on the best of terms. I don't know how much you knew about her.."

"Yea she was on drugs. I know. I still loved her."

Charles looked at Cas intently "I did too. Anyone ever tell you, you have her eyes?"

Cas scoffed "Yea.. okay. So if your not bullshitting me, then I think you were explaining why you bailed on my mom"

"I didn't bale on her. She left me one night. I knew she was pregnant, she was about 6 months along. I had heard she got into some pretty heavy drugs and when I asked around they said they didn't know of any baby. I assumed she miscarried. I heard she died a few years after that but.. I never knew there was a you out there. You have to know jimmy, If I had known"

"Its actually Castiel now. Jimmy was a little boy in an orphanage, all alone."

Charles nodded " I understand. For what its worth, I'm proud of the man you grew up to be. Your strong, your opinionated, you don't take peoples shit. I can respect that."

He turned to walk away and Cas stopped him "Are you really my father?"

"Yes and I would very much like to get to know you and your family"

Cas shook his head "I don't have any family. Just Dean and our little girl"

Charles smiled "You have a daughter? I'd love to meet her too. I've missed every important day in your life. You must hate me"

Cas looked at the man and sighed " No. I can't really hate you. If my daughter's mom hadn't passed away, I might not have known she existed. It's not your fault. But you didn't miss every day, there this one"

Charles smiled "Yes there is today. I look forward to watching you get married"

Cas inclined his head "You could..give me away..you know, if you want"

"Really?"

Cas shrugged "Its not every day you get married and find out you have dad on the same day"

Charles nodded, the tears were back in his eyes "I'd like that" someone called him and he excused himself.

Jess looked at Cas her eyes as big as pancakes, she whispered  "you have a dad!"

Cas shook his head "I know. weird."

Dean rushed over "Baby what are you doing? Were going to start soon and your hiding out here. What were you talking to Anna's dad about?"

Cas rubbed his head "Anna's dad? As in 4 seasons Anna?"

Dean nodded "Yea Chuck, we go way back."

Cas smiled "uhm... babe, I don't know how to tell you this but..you slept with my sister"

Deans eyes widened "What?"

"Yea. Turn's out Charlie over there... He's my father. Ps. he's giving me away. And did I mention today how much I love you"

Dean pasted on a smile "Great...awesome..great...okay, so I'm gonna go stand up front there and wait to marry you"

Jess smiled "I think that went well" Cas rolled his eyes.

**Ceremony**

Speaking of over the top. Instead of Cas and Dean just entering on separate side's and coming together. Dean wanted them to have portable microphones so they could sing a duet while approaching the dias that they would be married on. Oh and of course each of them had to come down stairs to get there. Cas really wished he had sat in on some of these wedding plans. 

Dean started the singing first

 **Well, here we are again**  
I guess it must be fate  
We've tried it on our own  
But deep inside we've known  
We'd be back to set things straight

Then Cas sang his part looking across at Dean on the other stairwell

 **I still remember when**  
Your kiss was so brand new  
Every memory repeats  
Every step I take retreats  
Every journey always brings me back to you

They both started down the steps singing the chorus together

 **After all the stops and starts**  
We keep coming back to these two hearts  
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall  
After all that we've been through  
It all comes down to me and you  
I guess it's meant to be forever you and me  
After all

Dean chimed in as he got to the bottom of the stairs

_**When love is truly right, it lives from year to year** _

Cas sang

**_It changes as it goes and on the way it grows  
But it never disappears_ **

They sang the chorus together again as they met in the middle

 _After all the stops and starts_  
We keep coming back to these two hearts  
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall  
After all that we've been through  
It all comes down to me and you  
I guess it's meant to be forever you and me  
After all

They finished their duet singing to each other. Cas got tears in his eyes, _screw it who cares if its cheesy_.

Dean sang

_**Always just beyond my touch  
You know I needed you so much** _

Cas took his hand and sang

_**After all, what else is living for?** _

They sang the last chorus together

 **After all the stops and starts**  
We keep coming back to these two hearts  
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall  
After all that we've been through  
It all comes down to me and you  
I guess it's meant to be forever you and me  
After all

 

After that the wedding administrator asked who gave Dean away and Uncle bobby stood up "I do, his uncle"

They asked who gave Cas away and Charles stood and said shyly "Uhm.. I do..his..father"

Jess waved her hands in front of her face to prevent any more tears from falling. After their entrance display, Dean and Cas just did traditional wedding vows, with one exception They both promised to always tell the other goodnight, no matter where they were. They exchanged rings and the administrator said you may now kiss your new husbands. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed the hell out of him. 

**Reception**

 

They opted to eat first and do the toasts before any dancing because Dean and Cas were starving. As they sat at the table Dean stood up "Thank you all for coming. When I was a little boy my mom would tell me an angel would watch over me. Well, mom, if your up there and listening, You were right. I found my angel and you know what mom, I married him." Dean raised his glass upward and took a sip. The crowd clapped and there were a couple sniffles. 

Cas stood up next "Well..guess that makes it my turn" the crowd laughed "Before I met Dean. I was just a lonely music man. He gave me a song worth singing. Words can't express enough how much I love this man. But I damn well intend to keep trying to prove it the rest of our lives" The crowd went awe! and clapped

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean. Jess stood up next "Hi I'm Jess. I'm Cas' best friend. Never in a million years did I think when I had Cas ove in with Dean that they would fall in love, but I sure am happy they did. You two compliment each other in every way. And I'm just so glad.." She trailed off and started crying. Cas hugged her and she sat down.

Sam stood up "Dean is my big brother. So there has always been a part of me that looked up to him. But I was never so proud as the day he stood up and said I love this man, and I don't care who know's it. Dean and Cas, I wish you and your daughter all the happiness in the world. You deserve it"

**First Dance**

In a strange turn of events. Zar volunteered to sing their first dance song and Cas agreed. He told Dean "What? Zar's a sucker for true love"

So Zar got up there and sang and Dean and Cas danced and held eachother and the rest of the world disappeared

 **Can I touch you?**  
I can't believe that you are real  
How did I ever find you?  
You are the dream that saved my life  
You are the reason I survived  
Baby...

 **I never thought that I could love**  
Someone as much as I love you  
I know it's crazy but it's true  
I never thought that I could need   
Someone as much as I need you  
I Love You...

 **Can I hold you?**  
Boy your smile lights up the sky  
You are too beautiful for the human eye  
You are the dream that never dies  
You are the fire that burns inside  
Baby...

 **I never thought that I could love**  
Someone as much as I love you  
I know it's crazy but it's true  
I never thought that I could need  
Someone as much as I need you  
I Love You...

_**You are the sunshine in the sky  
You are the sparkle in my eyes** _

**I never thought that I could love**  
Someone as much as I love you  
I know it's crazy but it's true  
I know it's true  
I never thought that I could need  
Someone as much as I need you  
I LOVE YOU

When they cut the cake Dean told Cas, "Careful with that knife, were not going to the hospital again." Cas laughed. They fed each other cake. 

Finally it was time for them to head out. They decided against a honey moon not wanting to leave Claire longer then needed. They were just staying in a hotel that night and going home in the morning. When they got out to the Impala there were cans tied to the bumper and a just married sign in the window.

Dean shook his head "Oh baby, what did they do to you?"

Cas kissed him "I'm sure there's no permanent damage"

**Wedding night**

 

When they got to the hotel. They slowly undressed each other. Kissing their way to the bed, Dean pulled Cas down with him. They made love. Cas straddling Dean wrapped in his arms as Dean sat up with his arms wrapped around Cas. They stared into each other's eyes and Came nearly in unison. After they had cleaned up, Dean lay with his head on Cas chest, his hand over his angel wings. As they started to drift off Dean whispered "Good night Cas, I love you..husband"

Cas smiled and kissed the top of Deans head "Goodnight dean, I love you too, husband"

 

_And they lived happily ever after ~ The end_

 [Angel Of The Morning - Destiel](https://youtu.be/z2jLCkr3-tA)

 

 

 

 [Sequel - Raising Baby Claire](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3977185/chapters/8925094)

 

 


End file.
